I have finally found the time to sit down and type up my birth story. The past 9 days since Sophia was born have been busy and emotional. I apologise if this turns out to be long. Here goes. . . . I went in to hospital on Monday morning of 22nd September for my planned c-section due to baby being breech. I had to be there for 7.30am, there were 3 other women also booked in for sections, I was 3rd to be called down to theatre at 11.45am, I was nervous but I really surprised myself as I was no where near as nervous as I thought I would be and didn't request a sedative like I thought I would end up doing. The hardest part was having to leave my husband whilst I entered the operating theatre alone and had the spinal block. The whole operation went so smooth, apart from feeling like an electric shock in my left leg as the spinal went in (but that didn't hurt, just shocked me). The sensation is very strange. It just felt like pins and needles, I was very aware of everything the surgeons were doing to me, even feeling them cut me open and pull me open, I felt Sophias head move from under my ribs as they pulled her out, it was such a bizarre sensation. I was in no pain or discomfort, I was just amazed by the whole experience. My husband sat next to me at my head and I could see fear in his eyes, he was so worried about me, I found myself trying to reassure him that I was fine and that he didn't have to look so worried but of course he kept having a look at what the surgeons were doing to me and he watched as Sophia was born, she screamed such a high pitch scream and my husband & I burst into tears straight away, I will never forget the first glimpse I got to see of her before she was cleaned up and then handed to my husband, we were both shocked by how much hair she has and how dark it is, given that we were both born with blond hair and I didn't suffer any heartburn during my pregnancy! Once in the recovery room I was injected with morphine which sent my blood pressure high, I was feeling dizzy and it knocked me out, I was in and out of consciousness for hours and so I don't remember much of Monday afternoon. By the evening I was taken up to the ward where it was 2 hours before a midwife came to check on me and Sophia, I asked for pain relief and her response was 'now listen, there's 24 patients, 2 members of staff, I have no time for niceties, call the buzzer only if you're desperate for assistance as we can't keep come running to you'. When I mentioned my concern that I hadn't breast fed Sophia yet and would like some advice, she pointed at her own breast and said 'well I'm not going to give you a personal demonstration'. I was stunned by her attitude, luckily my mum was with me and I begged her to stay the night (as I was in a side room) she did and thank god because I was unable to move and Sophia was unsettled during the night, needing to be changed and it was thanks to my mum that I got Sophia breast fed even though it was only colostrum. The next day new midwives took over and their attitude was the same, just as negative and aggressive. When it was time for a midwife to help me out of bed and into the shower, she lowered the bed and as she did so she knocked the catheter onto the floor which almost pulled out of me and the bag split with my urine going everywhere, it was my husband who cleaned it up, not the nurse or any cleaner! The midwife didn't even apologise or ask if I was comfortable, I was peed off as I was worried she could have injured me and cause an infection in my bladder. I was stunned by the amount of pain I felt when trying to get out of bed, that was completely shocking, I managed to stand up but started to feel very faint, the midwife suggested I sit down and try again tomorrow but all I wanted was to get up, get better and get the hell out of that hospital so I closed my eyes and mentally imagined walking, it took a few mins but I eventually took a step and then another until I'd had my shower and got into a clean change of clothes. I hadn't got any sleep on the Monday night because of the amount of pain I felt, I didn't get any sleep on the Tuesday night because of trying to breast feed unsuccessfully and by the Weds when it was time for my visitors to leave I was so exhausted and dreaded another sleepless night that panic and strange thoughts started to take over, I had such a strong feeling that something terrible was going to happen, I was convinced that I was going to die that night! By 6am when a midwife came into check on me I was delusional and thought I was locked in a mental asylum room, I was asking the midwife if I would ever get out (she was concerned for me but kind enough to understand that given the horrible attitude by other midwives and the lack of care & support no wonder then that I was in a mental mess) My Mum came up on the Thurs morning and demanded I and Sophia be seen by a Dr and that we be discharged, fortunately we were both given the all clear and let home. I am glad to be home and am fine now that I am, however I do have the 'baby blues' and I do feel distressed as I can't remember Mon-Fri of last week, the medications and lack of sleep messed my head up and I feel robbed of my first week with my baby. I try not to think about it as it upsets me every time I do. So that's my birth story, the c-section was easy peasy but the lack of care afterwards on the ward, the lack of sleep and surge of hormones bought on the baby blues and tainted my first week with my daughter. Anyway here are some photos of my beautiful little butterfly - as I call her.