Sorry..its a rant!

[Wishfullmama]

Urg Ok well since I am on BnB as being pregnant with my third, I have come across this section and need to vent, and hopefully find some answers! If I ramble, I am sorry, as I tend to ramble my words
I have a six year old son named Blake, and ever since he was three, the doctor, myself, and family have noticed his behavior is not like the other childrens. Blake is hyperactive, rages are out of control, sleep cycle is like a roller coaster, he cannot focus or concentrate on ANYTHING (even play time can be frustrating for Blake!), anxiety is off the charts high, and some noises effect Blake (hand driers are a big one! as well as a toilet flushing), as well as feelings of certain things (he wont use the shower unless it is the head that can come down and is not attached to the top of the shower, he doesnt like it over his face and will panic, and at the age of three, he hated HATED being in the tub while it ran, he would panic and cry one time causing scratch marks all down my back!)
His doctor did make notice to all of these things, and him and I were working on a solution to all of them. I was hesitant to medicate Blake at first, since we truly had no diagnosis and I did not feel like sedating my three year old.....
We did see a psychologist, no help to say unfortunatly, even with the situation Blake had with sounds he was no help, pretty much saying Blake is three and he will 'outgrow' it so to speak.
So I went back to Blakes doctor. Blakes doctor, at the age of five for Blake finally convinced me to try Blake on a ADHD med (Strattera) which I did since it is not a sedative nor a stimulant. I did not notice a change at all. Actually, I noticed Blake becoming MORE anxious and worked up over everything. Unfortunatly (and I am about to ball while writing this) Blake was molested by another child older then him down the street. It did cause alot of nightmares, anxiety and stress on my child, and the doctor and I were both unsure if the anxiety was caused truly by this or by the strattera, but he did say we could stop it on a trial and see how Blake did over the summer.
Well summer came and gone, first grade was beginning, and I really did not want Blake on strattera again, so his doctor did tell me we need Blake on something, it will help with the situation and help Blake better absorb certain behavioral techniques we were trying with him. His doctor decided to put him on ritalin. We started at a small dose, but right away I noticed it was doing the same thing the strattera does, making him edgy. So I called the doctor, explained this all to him, and he told me ritalin is a tricky med and sometimes the levels have to be raised to find the right dose, so he rose Blakes ritalin, and I was still seeing a more anxious and depressed child! So, I went to get my mail about 2 weeks ago, this doctor, the one that way trying SO SO SO hard to help me with this, has left! He left the area and moved up north to work in the prison! So since I had seen no change in Blake with the med, as it was making him more anxious and more depressed, I called a new doctor, which was a pediatrician, HOPING he would help me with this, hoping he has seen it before since he was a pediatrician and could shed some light...I was so wrong! This doctor pretty much said nothing was wrong with Blake and that it all is involved with how I parent him! I was heartbroken! I have tried everything with Blake, and to hear this doctor tell me nothing is there...when I see my son suffer with anxiety, when I see my son pace with anxiety, cry at noises, not be able to sit still to save his life, something is not right with my child! So the doctor also said Blake needs to get more sleep (even though Blakes sleep cycle is so irregular, some months Blake can sleep from 8 in the evening until 10 in the morning, and some months he is up until midnight and up at 4) and put Blake on clonidine.
To add to all of this, Blake is now having issues at school, becomming more defiant then usual, acting out to peers, not listening, and not attempting to do any schoolwork. He lies about his schoolwork and when he comes home World War Three breaks out in my house. His teacher called me today, explained to me Blake disrupted the class (once again after numerous times) and her and I now have a conference on Monday to discuss it all.
I just dont know what to do anymore.
Blake is such a fun child, he really is, and I love him more then life itself! He is funny, warm, caring, and his melt my heart, but I know for him inside it must not feel so good to go through all of this!
I am sick and tired of the looks in stores, I am sick and tired of no one understanding and that doctor just made it worse. He barely had seen my child for 5 minutes, actually had to remove Blake from the room due to Blakes defiant behavior in there, but then continued to tell me it is all about my parenting....
I am just at a loss, I dont know what to do.....

 

[SammieGrace]

Hi there hun,
I am so sorry to hear about what has been going on with your little guy! I don't have kids yet, but I am a doctoral student in psychology and I have specialized in working with kids. It sounds like there may be some underlying disposition/temperamental aspect to this behavior such as ADHD since you noticed it so early on, however, I cannot stress enough that your little boy having been victimized by another child could cause ALL of the symptoms you describe including acting out, being behind in school, not getting along with other kids, having an irregular sleep cycle, anxiety...ect. Having worked with children with similar difficulties, you absolutely need to find a child psychologist who can see your son. Insurance will cover this usually, or if you don't have insurance most will give lowered rates for cash payment or there are many community agencies that have psychologists who see people for very low rates. Especially since the medication is not helping with your son's symptoms, it is very important that you get him to a good therapist who can help him work through the traumatic experience that he has had, and a therapist who is willing to communicate with his pediatrician about medication. Getting him help at an early age can prevent a lot of problems later on in life. Also, once the trauma has been resolved, a psychologist could help determine any other potential problems your son may be facing. I applaud your mission to get help for your son, most pediatricians are not trained to work with kids who have experienced trauma and don't know what to do for them. This situation is not, I repeat, NOT any kind of reflection on your parenting as I am sure you are a fine parent. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you! Best of luck!

 

[Wishfullmama]

Thank you so much for your response as I do completely feel at a loss. Blakes development unfortunatetly started at three, and the incident with the other child did not start until he was five, although I am sure it didnt help with anything Blake was going through and caused way more trauma on him, which honestly hurts me every day even until this day, although I do not speak about it much, it is a hard topic to speak about. At first, I did take Blake to a psychologist, which really wasnt much help, as I mentioned in the first post, he pretty much chocked it all up to age. Blakes first doctor was so helpful, listened to me, conversed with Blake, and handled everything so well with him. When we found out what happened when Blake was five, since they were doing a formal report, I did begin taking Blake to community mental health here in our area, to help him be able to speak about the incident that occured and be able to heal with it. At that time, the therapist that was seeing Blake diagnosed him with reactive adjustment disorder and we were hoping to get Blake to talk about it and cope, and to also get evidence for the investigation. Well needless to say, none of that happend. So again, went to Blakes doc with all of it, and he said no need to continue the therapy there, and if need be, he would refer him to behaviorial services at University of Michigan, which is about 5 hours away, but really the only thing available that would be of great help since we live far up north in michigan. But now since his doctor is gone, this doctor really doesnt get it, I just feel lost, and I am not sure how to help him. I want to do all I can, but I feel like I am at a 'fork in the road' moment.
Thank you so much for your response! I really do appreciate it. Sometimes the guilt of being his mommy and not being able to fix it does sink in, and I do feel the guilt that I caused it some way or another, but I try to remind myself everyday, he knows he is loved, he always has mommies love and affection no matter what, and that truly is all that matters....
Thank you so much again and many to you!

 

[SammieGrace]

Sure hun. It sounds like you really need someone who specializes in work with kids, not just a general psychologist. Someone like that may be hard to find, but would definitely be of help to you. Therapy does take time, especially when building trust with kids and I am sad to hear that Blake's doctor told you not to keep taking him. Play therapy could be really helpful for a little boy that age. I will pray that you find answers and some providers who will be of help and able to listen to your concerns. Maybe a new doctor and definitely a counselor could help. You are doing a great job advocating for Blake, sometimes it takes a while to get connected with the right doctor/services. Try not to feel guilty, you will get this straightened out and under control. You are a great mom!

 

[SammieGrace]

not sure how close this is to where you live, but this counselor has a really great website and she specializes in child counseling.

https://www.vickiegreen.com/child-counselor.html

this seems like the type of person who could maybe help!

 

[Wishfullmama]

Again, I cannot thank you enough, even if it is just listening to me rant Sometimes with it all, it still can feel lonely, cause I know my friends do not see it on a daily basis nor do they understand where I am coming from, but my friend and I did talk a little about it all yesterday after his school had called me, and you are very right, she had mentioned it as well, and I truly feel the same, I am his advocate, and I need to speak up and find a doctor that will help, even if it is just listening to my concerns, like this doctor apparently did not! With Blakes older doctor, he said taking him to the place we were, was not necessary if it wasnt helping Blake, which in mho, it wasnt, and he said he could always refer us to U of M, which my insurance needs, but of course, he is gone, so no referral there. The new doctor Blake saw, is useless, so I think you are very right and another doctor is in order here.
I did look at that webpage, she does seem pretty well, it is a two hour drive for us, but it would be worth it if she could help, I would do it 7 days a week if I had to!
Again, thank you so much! It really is appreciated!

 

[Newt]

 

[SammieGrace]

how are things going with Blake hun?

 

[Wishfullmama]

You have no idea how much that means to me that you asked how Blake was doing!
Blake is doing about the same. Right now he has a tummy bug going on, missed three days of school and just feeling horrible, so it has slowed him down a bit.
I went and spoke with his teacher on Monday, and was told by her that he is disruptive, doesn't attempt to do his work throughout the day, easily distracted, etc. etc. etc., but she doesn't think he has adhd due to the fact that he actually has been doing quite well with his reading. I walked out of the school with mixed emotions to be honest with you. I was happy to hear that she thinks he is very intelligent, very sweet, and is fun to be around. She also said she could see him doing very well in school if he would just focus and concentrate since he is so smart! That made me smile!
But then on the other hand, I wanted to go bang my head repeatidly on a wall as I feel confused highly by everything. Anyone and everyone that knows Blake and sees Blake on a daily basis sees what he goes through, and I feel like the teacher doesn't understand (even though I know she really isnt to focused on all of those things) and I feel like I am shouting but no one is truly listening to me. I am working hard with Blake on getting everything done with his homework, daily chores, etc. etc. and I am sticking to my guns when I order a punishment, but that only helps one portion of this whole situation, so again, I want to bang my head.
I was told by my mom that the doctor my sister sees was a psychiatrist before he went into family practice, so I am very very tempted to take Blake there, as this doc would see and listen more then the new one I took Blake to recently.
I was hoping to get all of this sorted out before the new baby comes in the picture as I know it will be a huge adjustment for both of my kids.
Again, thank you for asking how Blake was doing and listening to me rant like I do!

 

[angelstardust]

The thing that I noticed is the sensory issues. Have a look at this site https://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/index.html
May explain a few of his issues with water.

Have you thought about Autism? Sensory issues,ADDand Autism can all overlap, which may be why the medication didn't help.

Does he not have any support at school? He sounds like he needs some one to one help.

 

[SammieGrace]

Sorry to hear he has been feeling under the weather! It's no fun to be a sick kiddo. It sounds like that doc your sister sees may be a good bet, and that he may understand much better than the other doc. I totally get what you mean about the meeting with the teacher. Sounds like she likes Blake and that she believes in his potential, and that is wonderful. That said, I am sure that she has a bunch of other students that she works with daily and as you said, she probably doesn't fully understand what is going on with Blake. I wish you lots of luck as always and will definitely check back by to see how you, Blake and baby are doing

 

[BabyBumm]

I know this was posted a few weeks back but I just wanted to send you and your family lots of love
Keep strong
x