Sorry, long rant!

[auntiesarah25]

So yesterday OH was in a bad mood from the moment he woke up. I hate it when he gets like that. It's all because of work, he can't find a job and now that I'm unemployed he's freaking out over money. I told him to go find a job, one isn't going to come to him on the couch. Insensitive? Maybe, but I"m sick of his shitty mood and pouting. He gets like that and he sulks, doesn't talk to me and has a negative mood on everything!

Well our phones suck. So he tried to to break his yesterday. I attempted to take it away from him. He needs it for job calls and he's not going to have that to bitch over too. Of course he growled at me not to take anything out of his hands. Whatever asshole. I didn't say it but I certainly let him know that's how I felt by ignoring him.

And then the tears started. I cry enough without pregnancy hormones so yesterday I cried for 4 hours on and off. He laid in bed and didn't want to talk about it. Then he did and he made it sound like I never do enough. He didn't say it like that, its just the way it sounded to me. So again I told him to get off the couch and find a job. Needless to say talking got us nowhere.

He stormed off mad, came back with a package of wipes which I guess was a small peace offering since I've been saying I want to stock up on items like that. So the rest of the day passed in semi uncomfortable niceness.

Of course he couldn't sleep because his mind never shut off so he finally came to bed after 2. I tried to cuddle him but he didn't want any of that.

So this morning I decide to call unemployment, see why I haven't received any payments yet. Of course my phone didnt want to to work. Out of anger I went to throw it on the floor off of the bed. Instead it smashed into the top of his foot. I instantly felt horrible and apologized profusely as he swung out of bed cussing. I asked to look at it he stormed out of the room and got dressed and then announced he was going to his dads to work on his truck.

He didn't even say I love you, it's okay, it was an accident. NOTHING.
So of course I'm left home alone, again - another story - with nothing to do but do dishes and talk to the cat. Sure I could get in my car and go somewhere but we are extremely tight on money so I've resolved not to spend a dime without his consent. He sold a few of his things so we could make it through so I'm not spending it. And of course I'm totally broke because I paid car insurance and rent.


I just don't know what to do anymore. He makes me feel like I don't clean well enough or cook decent meals often enough. He makes me feel like I should have tried to keep my last job - which I've now learned they had me replaced before I was fired! I just feel like I'm bashing my head against a wall trying to be perfect for him and that's just not who I am.

I don't know how to make him see that he's not going to get a $13-15 an hour job without a degree, experience in the fields he wants or without actually applying for jobs! He's applied for 3 in the last week. Sorry, I filled out all the job apps, he dropped them off.

I love him but he's driving me to the looney bin!!! He truly is a good man he just takes everything straight to his heart and lets it fester and bruise and make him angrier than he is. I don't know how to make him see that I can't do everything and that he's pushing me away.

I'm horrified to loose him, this is the man I want to spend forever with.

Any advice ladies? Things usually go smoothly for us so I'm totally lost as to what to do.

Thanks for reading!!!

 

[xjesx]

I think he may be mad not as much about the foot but that you threw your phone after telling him not to throw his. Obviously there are deeper rooted issues. I just know that my hubby with me if I did that.

I think a conversation in a calm manner is certainly needed. One without accusations or negativity. Maybe a conversation that begins with....we need to solve out financial situation and start brainstorming.

Perhaps a personal appearance at the unemployment office.

Is there a way you could find a job as well in the meantime. Not as a replacement for him not working.

I am sure you meals are wonderful and he is just being petty. He sounds like he is in a negative place and the worlds greatest chef would not be able to please his pallet.

Try a conversation again...sometimes revisitng the conversation angle after some time as passed is good.

 

[auntiesarah25]

I talked with OH as much as I could without becoming emotional again. He thinks the best solution is to join the army or marines. I did not sign up for that and at 27 with knee and hip problems I don't think they'll even take him but that's besides the point. I would gladly get a job but he keeps pointing out I'llbe making less and would have to figure something out for health insurance with this dumb obamacare thing if I don't get a job that offers it . . . ugh. He knows I want to do the stay at home mom gig and he supports that. That being said I can't do that if he's not working.

Plus we've lived together for a year and we just moved into a house together. He won't change his address. His ID and all his mail goes to his dad's house. With is that all about? An easy way out if you ask me.

 

[sojourn]

If you're worried about his commitment you should definitely get a job. Being a stay-at-home mom is great! I support it. However, you can't do that if your bills aren't paid. If you're worried about him leaving you, you should definitely get something to keep food on the table in case he does.

If you get a job that doesn't offer health insurance, you'll be eligible to purchase health insurance through the exchange. If your job doesn't pay enough for you to afford it, there are credits and benefits that will cover your out of pocket costs. Prenatal/maternity care is available on all of the plans (required) and most of them have little to no out-of-pocket expenses. I would look more into the affordable care act (Obamacare) and how it can effect you.
Your profile says you're in Michigan. Here's a link to a cost estimator. There are also people called "navigators" that will be able to help you understand.

https://www7.dleg.state.mi.us/perc/

If you don't have insurance now (since you're both unemployed) if you're insured through Medicare/Medicaid-if your job doesn't pay you enough, you'll keep that coverage. If you lose your Medicaid (or other state program) eligibility, then you'll be eligible for the exchange and all of the subsidies that will let you afford it. I get that it's not popular with a lot of people. I don't really care about the political debate. Just trying to help you get information so you don't write something off that might help.

You might be making "less" (than him? than you were before?), but it will be more than nothing!

Good luck lady! Money problems are hard to deal with. I hope it gets better for you soon.

 

[xjesx]

I'm not American so I really have no comment on healthcare. Also, I may not be able to compare unemployment wages to actual job wages.

As for the address thing...haha I may not even be able to comment on that. When my husband and I moved in together I didnt change my address for well over a year. It wasn't a commitment thing, it was I am personally too lazy to go to a government office stand in line and wait to pay to change all my information. Also, I work sooo much that basically no offices are open when I am off work.

If you feel you have exhausted all efforts to talk to him, is it possible to bring in a third/neutral party to help sort this out.

You certainly wont be able to live off nothing once unemployment runs dry....his lack of ambition is maddening.

 

[randomrach]

Aww hunny, don't blame yourself at all, it was an accident and nothing else is your fault

As for the cleaning and cooking, neither of you are working so why should you play the housewife? But he needs to snap out of his crap mood and sort himself out. I'm not much help on the relationship front but try your best to support him and encourage him, at the same time don't take any of his crap! I think you guys need a good chat and he better give you a big cuddle at the end of it!!

 

[auntiesarah25]

Thanks ladies! Its hard to be objective in your own life. He had a horrible excuse for not changing his address. We went together Monday to do so and he simply did not do it because he wants to get his permit to conceal carry a gun in a few months. Not sure what his address has to do with it. So I told him it felt like he was rejecting me and not fully committing. His response was oh my god, as if I was being irrational. Whatever.

Yesterday my sister stoppped by unannounced and usually I hate that but I needed to get it off my chest so I told her everything. She ended up calling OH's dad and asked him to talk to his son. Not sure if he did cause that's where OH spent half of his day yesterday. But from now on I'm done doing his job search. If he wants a job he will find one otherwise he will find a way to bring in money to pay bills. I'm going to check into doing daycare from home and worry about me and baby.