Sorry.. needed a rant.. Lol

[ChescaRose]

I was with my ex for nearly 5 years and he is the father to my 3 year old son and my little girl due 30th Decemeber.. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and we split when I was 15 weeks..

The relationship was awful and always on/off and very volatile. Needless to say the type of boy he is he left me and moved in with his new girlfriend and her child.. just to rub salt in the wounds a little more.

Anyway he has never wanted this baby ever since we found out he's been distant etc. And since we've split it's been very nasty. Things have been said and done that you cannot take back. Now i'm wondering about names + birth certificates.. I don't want my little girl to have his last name but I feel bad for my son as he may wonder why he got stuck with his waster dads name and his sister didn't and he's always said he doesn't want anything to do with us so why should he? He doesn't have the right to be a part of my children's lives!! So I don't want him on the birth certificate.. but in the future if he starts working I'll go to the CSA (which I have never done for my son, but as i'll have two it's harder) .. but I wont be able to if he isn't on the birth certificate will I? That's if he even turns up to be on it.. argggh

I just don't know what to do it's all such a mess! I feel like i've failed both my children, especially my son !

 

[Laura2919]

A name is a name. What is important is how you are with your children, show them love and support and when they are old enough to ask you explain, its the only way you can do things.

 

[jessrabbit]

I think you can still go to the CSA if he isnt on it. You name him as the father to them and its up to him to prove he isnt by DNA. Doesnt mean you have to put him on it, although once he has proof he can push for it through the courts.

This is my understanding... can anyone else confirm it?

I have the same sort of issue as you and only a week and a bit behind you if you ever want to talk x

 

[Laura2919]

CSA will do a DNA and if it proves he is the father he has to pay for the test and then a payment will be set up for your maintenance..

 

[Kacie]

Think carefully about the name.. it's the one thing I truely truely regret is that I gave LO his surname.
I'm told that the schools will accept whatever my prefered surname is and just use her official name for exam records, so I plan on hyphenating LO's name for school purposes so she still has her biological dad's surname, but also has mine for her identity and to tie in with any other siblings she may have by then. Then she can choose for herself as she gets older. I have a friend who tells me she managed to change surnames by deed poll without father's permission because she wrote a letter stating that he couldn't be found to ask for the change and hadn't had contact in so long. Not sure if that's relevant in your case though but it may be in a few years time if he doesn't have contact with your children in that time.

xxx

 

[cluelessnow]

I don't know about CSA but it's hard because your son has his surname. If there is no issue getting child support, then I'd say change your son's name too if you can. I hope it works out for you.