spoilt?

[Mummy2Asher]

so i wana know how much is too much with buying toys etc?
i was spoilt rotten as a child, i looked at something and got it. i also went to private school and all the other girls were exactly the same.
and i dont want my son to be like that,,,,but i think he sorta is, whenever we go out he buys sweets and a toy or dvd and normally a couple of new tops...and this is everytime we go out, including lunch.
i was thinking about this becuase im trying to save for the baby and was looking at where i am wasting money.
he does take things for granted, new toys will be trashed and thrown away.
i want him to appeciate what he has. i was thinking of maybe a reward chart and buying him something once a week only?
would like to know what everyone else does?
thanks! xx

 

[freckleonear]

Everytime you go out? Aaron is lucky if he gets something once a month! So yes, from my point of view your son does sound a bit spoiled, especially if he takes things for granted and trashes new toys. Limiting it to once a week sounds like a good idea to me. Probably best to do it sooner rather than later so he doesn't connect it with the new baby coming.

 

[JuicyLucy]

Yeh everytime you go out is a bit extreme.. I treat the kids to a packet of sweets or something if they have behaved around the supermarket!

I dont think they'd appreciate keep getting things every time we go out.. they would just take it for granted and then not realise that good behaviour gets rewarded.
So as you say, a reward chart would be a great idea!

 

[rosie5637]

sorry but i do think every time you go out is a bit much.

my son gets sweets/chocolate and a packet of crisps on saturdays only, if he's behaved himself.

i tend to only buy toys at birthdays and christmas! if a favourite toy of his gets broken accidentally i'll try to replace it if i can. sometimes if he's been an angel in the supermarket he can have one of those small cars, about 75p.

the only thing i make sure i've always got a good supply of is crafty stuff. although i save alot of paper and bits and bobs from around the house so don't have to buy much.

my son does have alot of toys, he's got aunts, uncles and grandparents that buy for him at christmas etc but he really appreciates it cause it only happens twice a year.

 

[Abbiekye]

I must admit i spoilt my older girl mainly because of what we both went through at her birth and everything and now I'm paying for it. She got everything she wanted and earned the best dressed in nursery! She takes things for granted and feel she has to get anything she wants, no appreciation. I'm trying hard to make things better and treat the younger one a bit different so she will not be in the same boat as the older one. Now i'm able to NO and that will be final.

 

[Dinoslass]

I don't think giving children a lot is spoiling them, but to give them something every time you go out would be a bit too much. It unfortunately makes a child not appreciate it but as said they take it for granted. Plus it might make them jealous. What if the baby is there? Then you will have to always buy for two and it will make it very tricky for you.
I do like to buy things but won't always give it right away, so the children don't think... aaah shopping I get a present. I always make it a big thing if they get something, so they tend to think of it as something special. Plus if something special happens (like going to the dentist for something major or graduating their swimming diplomas) they do get a little present.
I never give them anything for being good in the supermarket. To me being good is what they are supposed to be, so no need to reward that. Sometimes when children are older they are allowed to choose some sweeties for all of us. I remember the discussions as they are trying to agree on the sweets! I must say they are really great in compromising, hahaha!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I buy mine toys everytime we go to a shop. I know its pretty bad but its not the worst a parent can do

 

[morri]

Only get him things for birhday or christmas, and only if he was special get him a small thing in between maybe .

 

[tasha41]

I think it is a bit much.. when I was a kid we only got stuff at birthdays/Christmas.. as I got older it slowly became Easter/Halloween/Valentine's Day/Christmas/Birthdays etc lol... and eventually it became we got stuff all the time, not EVERYTIME we went out but if we asked we got it..

I don't feel spoiled but my BF says I am/was lol. I guess I can see, in a way, where he is coming from... but I can't change now lol

TBH I would try to cut back because the extra toys etc are obviously not making him happy if he asks for more everytime you go out and doesn't respect his things.. you're not doing him any favours by giving him everything he wants.

 

[Mummy2Asher]

well, everytime we go shopping is only twice a week, ive now cut it down to once a week he gets something.
but he isnt a typical spoilt. if i say no he doesnt cry or tantrum, and hes so helpful to me, he makes his bed and tidies his toys up and helps me cook and wash up.
i think cutting his amount of spending down will help him not take things for granted and also im trying to teach him to not break toys.very hard becuase hes a boy and gets very excited!

 

[Minstermind]

Getting a child something everytime one goes out is definitely over the top. I know it's done from a 'good place' (wanting to give nice things to the little one and all that) but I think the side effects are actually harmful to them, so in a way a parent ends up doing the opposite of what they'd intend when they buy too many things too often for their children.

When they don't appreciate it, when they expect it and don't take well to the word ''no'', when they mistreat their toys, etc.. these are all signs of too much. The thing is, parents often impose their own ideas of what's great for children and forget that children can quite happily play with very minimal amounts of toys and in some ways, I think this actually enhances their creative development as they use their imagination more and find ways to play and entertain themselves.

My son gets things at his birthday and Christmas, and other than that, it's maybe the ODD thing now and again...it would probably average out to one thing every couple of months, and not a big thing from the toy store, either. I mean like some dinky toy from the local shop or the euro shops or whatnot. He really appreciates things when he gets them and I definitely think it's better for their development to limit these things, and be happy and accepting of being told ''no'' as well (also one reason I don't give sweets upon going to the shops and stores, I just avoid buying things in those situations altogether).

I also like to discourage the ''consumerism mentality'' that has run rampant in today's society, lol

 

[DizzyMoo]

Sounds a little ott to me hun, I wont do that with Josh or he'll never understand he cant have something everytime we go out or that he cant have everything because mummy hasn't enough. Yes more often than not he'll sulk when i say no but oh well he has to learn.
I tell him to save his spending money to buy new toys etc or to put towards something, Sometimes i feel really cruel though taking his spends so i end up putting em back when he isn't looking but he doesn't know & thinks hes saved up & spent his own.

I buy alot on ebay for him tbh as it means i can treat him more for a fraction of the " new " cost. I save them in the cupboards & when i feel he deserves something i get one out

clothing & footwear i dont include as these are necessities & he's not yet at that age where he wants certain brands. some are brand new some are 2nds . with the money spare i buy something for the boys.

 

[Minstermind]

Agreed, I don't get clothes for the ''toy or reward factor''. Clothes are a basic necessity but I also don't fill the closets with so many different things that they're barely worn. I get new and secondhand and that's grand!

Because I've never given my son too many things or every time we go out, he's actually never really sulked much at all when the answer's been no, and that's the way I think it should be.

 

[Mummy2Asher]

i did reply and say my son never sulks or tanrums about when i say no. and i think he justs breaks his toys sometimes because hes a boy and just plays like a boy!
ive tried this week and not bought him anything and he didnt notice, didnt sulk or look at all bothered when i said no to him.

i disagree and think that more toys make him create more, he loves arty stuff and can never have enough of it and things like his leapfrog station, leapfrog pen, digital camera etc, all things hes learning with, granted expensive but he loves it. my son is 3yrs old and can read and write a few things.

clothes is also something all my family love and id never compramise on that. and his nursery (private nursery) fuels that aswel, all the kids have 'cool' clothes like ben 10 tops and power rangers etc , even down to their socks and slipper and all the parents there buy that becuase they dont want their child to be left out and its cool and fun! he chooses his clothes we buy, mainly from next, and he chooses what he wears everymorning morning. ive never made him wear anything he doesnt want to or even bought anything he doesnt like, he chooses for himself.

my original post was asking for opinions on him breaking his toys sometimes but ive realised it is going to happen sometimes becuase he is a boy and playing 'gently' is going to be no fun at all.
i have now cut his toys down to once a week and we still continue to have big days out on my days off becuase its fun, it involves learning new things for him and we hate staying indoors.
im also planning on looking through his old clothes and selling them becuase so many are designer and in really good condition so that will be getting money back aswel to go into his savings account. id also like to add im not buying things when i cant afford it, i can and big things he wants comes out of his account. he gets his child benefit money into his own account, so £80 per month and hes 3yrs and has 4grand, money from family also goes into it, so any big things he wants, like a bike etc goes out from his money.

 

[hopeandpray]

i agree with other posters that say how much u get isnt nessacarily(sp) how spoilt u r. if your son doesnt throw tantrums etc i dont see the harm. if he doesnt appreciate what he gets that's a problem tho

 

[ttcEmiy]

hey hun, I just read a thread that would be a great answer to your question. I don't know how to post a link to the thread, but it is a few higher up then this one and titled is this too harsh? she asks her kids to sell an old toy if they want to buy a new toy and I think that is fabolous lesson for kids these days. Also maybe doing chorus around the house to earn new toys. I do this with my daughter, as she was becoming quite spoiled as well. .

 

[AimeeM]

My sons dad spoils him too much. It is turning my son in to a nightmare the older he gets as he now knows how to play on it.

We don't have the cash to buy him what he wants whenever he wants andwe wouldn't anyway. As his dad does when he goes there at the weekend he now expects that from us, which he wont get. He is kicking off when he is told no.

I believe he can have an occasional toy treat and save the big stuff for birthdays and Christmas.

I think that them being spoilt really does cause children not to appreciate things in life and can lead to really bad behavior as i am finding out.
It really winds me up that with my son i have no choice about it as i have spoke to his dad and got told to lump it as he has the right tho spoil him. It is a shame he doesn't see what it causes at home.

When he is older and demanding things that are a lot more expensive, i will be interested to know how his dad will deal with it.

You should try to limit it and spoil him in other ways like lots of cuddles or trips to the park etc.