Staying off alcohol but not telling anyone

[frangi33]

Hi ladies,

I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, I'm 11dpo and have had 2 faint positives, today's darker than yesterdays. AF is due on Saturday but this is also the day we are having an extremely posh and intimate meal with my family.

They are having a lovely dinner cooked by a famous chef at our family home, my OH and DD and I are staying over so my mum will be expecting us both to be drinking.

With each course there's a different wine that's designed to go with it. If this bean sticks, how on earth am I going to avoid alcohol without giving the game away???? My mum is super nosy and will immediately say out load if she suspects I'm pregnant.

 

[babydustcass]

Oh dear difficult, I would usually suggest the driving card but since your at home that one isn't going to wash. Say your taking antibiotics? Headache? I'd probably use the headache one as wine can further increase a headache and perhaps mixed with painkillers isn't a great idea.
Sounds so exciting! How cool to have a famous chef in your kitchen.

If all else fails, perhaps pretend to drink the wine and get your oh to drink your portion too hehe or a bit of sink tipping

 

[heychrissie]

If she'll just blurt it out, I would tell your mother beforehand and ask her to keep it to herself. It sounds like it would just be made more obvious trying to be deceptive with an entire wine course.
Or use the ol' antibiotics lie.

 

[Lues]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and I fake drink all the time.

When we see our neighbors (who we usually see once or twice a week) it would be 100 percent obvious if I didn't drink. You might be surprised at how easy it is.

Here's my suggestions:

(a) before they come, find a combination of other things that looks like the wine you would normally drink. (maybe cranberry juice mixed with water or soda water or something if it's red) Keep that somewhere secret and pour yourself those glasses when no one is looking.

(b) pour yourself regular wine. Just touch it to your lips here and there (it's not like a TINY bit.. or hell even half a glass... is going to do anything bad) and then pop into the kitchen or bathroom or outside around a corner to pour it out every once in a while.

In my experience, fake drinking is hilariously easy.

Possible exception: If your mom may be LOOKING for it, because she knows you're trying or she knows you think you might be, or if you REALLY think she'd notice, then I would tend to agree with pp, tell her earlier. when people feel like part of the secret they're less likely to spill the beans.

But I would be willing to bet you could fake drink the night away!

 

[frangi33]

There's no way I could tell her it's way to early for that and I've got a big reveal plan for her, plus she'd totally blurt

BUT the major problem is we will have a butler serving us the different wines throughout the meal so we're not even supposed to leave the table lol.

I't gona have to be the antibiotics route I guess, I'm a crap liar!!! Argh!

And we don't have a butler all the time lol, it's a special occasion

 

[Lues]

could you just buy a nonalcoholic wine that's for you, tell the butler and have them always take the wine glasses back into the kitchen to be filled instead of filling them at the table. Then the butler could just always fill your glass with the nonalcoholic version.

I've pulled waiters aside and told them that when I say "cranberry and vodka" what I mean is "cranberry and water" that LOOKS like cranberry and vodka. They usually just smile, go, no problem and are pretty smooth about it.

But I agree, if not I'd say, "antibiotics" are the way to go.

 

[threebirds]

I like quite complicated lies, so make up the condition (serious enough to req meds but not so that anyone will be really concerned), start mentioning it a good few days in advance, that you havent been well, gone to drs, worried, then come up with a virus / female problem like painful ovarian cysts or something people wont ask about / ulcer. Ulcer is good if you need to string out the no drinking over a while. Or yeh just go with antibiotics, but you can drink on lots of those now so research a brand and say it really sucks that youve been given a brand that you cant drink at all on. Hope the food is good and not all blue cheese and brie etc as then you'll have another prob! If you go with recovering from upset stomach that would get you off the drink and allow you to skip some of the food too if it might be dodgy for pregnancy.

 

[minties]

I'm amazed at the pressure to drink! No one would ever notice if I wasn't drinking in a social situation, posh dinner or not. That sounds incredibly annoying!

 

[Lues]

LOL... Threebirds and the "I like complicated lies" made me laugh. I know exactly what you mean. Fake drinking has become something me and my husband sort of bond with, lol. It is annoying occasionally, but it's also sort of fun in a way.

And just to clarify, it's definitely not "pressure" at all. No one would judge me or think I was less cool, (lol) if I didn't drink. It's just that they would know SOMEthing was up, because it's not the normal for me. I think for most of the people responding it's likely the same.

No one is pressuring us to drink. We just do. lol. And now we're not. So a sentence or two of explanation helps us feel more comfortable.

 

[babydustcass]

I get you, we are going to our friends house tonight for our monthly takeaway and 'drinks'. I ALWAYS drink at least a few glasses of wine however I cant now and since we have told them previously about our want for a third baby, they would so be clued up on why! I love wine, and they always buy my favourite in, so to refuse it, ugh would be almost a sin . So, tonight we are not having a sleepover and instead 'need to get back for the dog' as the neighbour cant sit him and of course I am designated driver tonight. Winning!

 

[Eleonora]

Fascinating problem. The way you have set up the situation, it is going to be almost impossible if your mom is really as nosy as you say. Some people rise to the occasion with elaborate lies and some of us, (like me) just can't pull it off. If you want to change plans, you can be the designated driver and leave that night after all like baby dust but presumably you would have already opted for that if it was a good way out. I am pretty sure all the glasses will be on the table and served at the table so even if you could tell the server to give you small amounts it would be apparent that your glasses were still mostly full. You might swap out one or two full glasses with your husband's empty ones or feign a headache but if the subject of why you aren't drinking comes up she is going to read it in your face. You could also pretend an urgent phone call and leave the table with your glass at some point to tip it out but even that is an excuse that would only work once. You could also pretend you over did it recently and are trying to "dry out" a bit but again if you get into a discussion over it, your mom will just know. Basically, I would just tell her and leave the big reveal for the gender surprise later on. But no matter what, you have to come back to this thread and tell us what happened and what was on the amazing menu!

 

[Amygdala]

Honestly, I wouldn't go with anything complicated. Say you've had a headache all day and have been taking paracetamol. No alcohol allowed and no further explanation required.

 

[jinxii]

I would just go with something super simple. "I'd rather not have the wine, I haven't been feeling very well today". And if your wait staff is good, they won't try and pour for the following courses. And do your best to get seated as far away from mum as possible.

 

[minties]

LOL... Threebirds and the "I like complicated lies" made me laugh. I know exactly what you mean. Fake drinking has become something me and my husband sort of bond with, lol. It is annoying occasionally, but it's also sort of fun in a way.

And just to clarify, it's definitely not "pressure" at all. No one would judge me or think I was less cool, (lol) if I didn't drink. It's just that they would know SOMEthing was up, because it's not the normal for me. I think for most of the people responding it's likely the same.

No one is pressuring us to drink. We just do. lol. And now we're not. So a sentence or two of explanation helps us feel more comfortable.

I didn't mean to come across as insulting, it was just how it read to me. If people were questioning me on doing or not doing something it would feel a little like I was expected to act how they want me to and I'd find that annoying, or presumptuous. I would just say I didn't want to drink and I would expect my loved ones to not bat an eyelid, no should suffice.

 

[Qmama79]

Whatever excuse you use, just be prepared fr the question: Are you pregnant? Have a short & conclusive answer ready. I used to say, 'I wish.' As they knew I wanted a nr 2. That put the ball back on their end and it wasn't lying.

 

[frangi33]

Thanks for the tips ladies! Its happening tonight and we get our wine served at the table so I'm Gona feign a pre menstrual headache and swap with hubby when I need to.

Your right mintie it's not normally a prob for me as I don't drink much however this is one of the meals where a wine compliments each dish and so it's part of the experience to taste each.

I totally forgot about the cheese course eek!

Our daughter is staying over with us so I'm going to use one of your tips and take a glass up with me when I check on her and tip it

And yes my mum is super nosy and just won't be able to stop herself

I will let you know how it goes. Its a comfort to know that lots of others have to circumnavigate this issue! Xxx

 

[frangi33]

I managed it! When the butler started handing out champagne pre dinner my husband drank loads quickly and swapped glasses with me. I pretended to sip and then took LO to the toilet and poured some away.

At dinner I let the butler pour me wine and I kept pretending to take sips and again my husband swapped with me when the chef came in to talk and everyone was distracted.

The last surprise was a wooden box sat on the table in front of everyone. We were given a key at the end of the meal and inside were ingredients to make our own g&t. A wedge of lime, bicarb of soda and a little spoon. We were given these funky chilled glasses with ice under them and then gin was passed round. When it came to me I poured a drip in mine. Added my water and bicarb and line and joined everyone.

Of course everyone was trying to guess what was in the boxes all night we were all taking a sniff through the key hole to see if we could smell anything. I could totally smell the lime with my pregnancy super sense but kept quiet lol.

Also when we first arrived and were unpacking I made a point to ask OH if he had packed tampons whilst in front of my mum. That totally threw her off lol

Good was AMAZING! We had scallops, beef 3 ways, double baked cheese tart, choc desert with cherries and truffles

 

[SaraVO]

I work in fine dining drinking wine is expected. Your palate is actually tested fairly often. I spent my first few months insulting the wine, telling the some the ten year old bottle was brackish and had turned. Pretending the pinot was to minerally for my palate. Champagne gives me an immediate headache etc... I am a level 2 so those around me tend to bow down. I felt a little bad about a couple of bottles and I know I was sounding like a snob but I got away with it.

 

[Eleonora]

Brilliant! It even sounds fun that you were able to be so sneaky and pull it off with a variety of tricks. A feast to remember!

 

[Lues]

Yay! Sounds like so much fun! That food and whole thing sounds really amazing!!!!

(minties - oh no offense was taken at all, just wanted to clarify in case someone else passing by wondered)

Congratulations on multiple levels!!!