Stressed about visitors already

[morag99]

Hi everyone,

I just need to get some opinions on how I feel as I am not sure if I am worrying for nothing, or if I am being selfish?

I am booked in for csection, so know when my baby will be here..anyway, it's my OH's first child and first grandchild on his side, although I do have a DD. We asked his mum if she wanted to come and stay for a few weeks after the baby to help out (she lives in another country) as OH can only take 1 week off work. Anyway...since then, things have sort of snowballed, his sister and dad also live in other countries, and his sis is wanting to come and stay, it hasnt been arranged yet but she has asked. And I found out on Friday that his dad has booked to come and stay for 4 days on the day I get out of hospital!
We dont even have the room for 2 of them, nevermind 3 and now I am worried that my DD will have to give up her bed, which I really dont want because it will be strange enough for her to cope with having LO arrive, I dont want her to feel like she is being made to give up her room.
Also, my own dad who only lives 5 mins away is now talking like he is going to be at my house every day, and my friend last night was saying she will have to change her shifts at work so she can come to the hospital!

I just feel so smothered already, and the baby isnt even here yet! I am the type of person that likes to have my own space anyway, and I struggle with people being over bearing and feeling like I cant be myself in my own house.

What do I do ladies? Do I just grin and bare it and not be selfish? I dont want to say they cant come but I am feeling so overwhelmed with it all, and I am going to get no time at all with my OH and DD on our own being a new family

 

[mons75]

My personal opinion is that you should get back to them and say that you want to be alone for x amount of time. You dont have to explain but if you want to u can say C section is major surgery and add BF and a baby ontop of that, then... well, pretty busy and exhausted!

They need to understand and leave you alone.xxx

 

[NOMORENUMBERS]

I think you need to write up some sort of schedule of what every is saying they want to do visiting wise so you can see exactly how many people are intending on being at yours at one time.

then change it to what YOU want

you could always ask if your dad has space if he can take in the people wanting to stay overnight or suggest to them they stay in a hotel so you can at least have the night time and mornings to yours

you need to be firm otherwise you will end up looking after, catering for and entertaining way too many guests . . they always say that they will not put you out but they nearly always do! the only person who managed not to do this was my mum she let me have nice long naps and everything and left at the end of the day and didnt come back until noon time

you need to set an amount of time that you are willing to have people over, at the end of the day you wouldnt normally go round someones house when they are clearly busy and have other plans for days on end would you!

 

[morag99]

Thanks for the replies, I am not too concerned with his mum being here as she has stayed with us quite a few times and is always very helpful with regards to houework and things, but I just know I am going to feel so uncomfortable with them all here - and when the midwife comes out each day to check my scar etc (had a bad wound infection last time so they were coming out until LO was 9 weeks old!) and I want to be able to just relax in my pjs as clothes are too uncomfortable after a section.

I know I am going to have to talk to my OH about it because otherwise I will end up getting so stressed I will have a melt down.

Thanks ladies xx

 

[Freya]

Bless you, I don't blame you for feeling like this and would definitely ask any other family, apart from mother in law, to visit at a different time. Or maybe they can stay elsewhere if flights are booked? Definitely don't put yourself through the pressure! Xxx

 

[sinead266]

your going to have to just say no to them, its ok coming for an hour for a visit but to stay, i know if it was me id end up cleaning,cooking, and running round trying to make sure everything is ok for them, when i should be really relaxing and getting as much rest as possible, tell your husband to put his foot down and say no visitors for the first few days.