Struggling to even get started!

[missk1989]

Hi Ladies,
My husband and I made the decision to adopt after finding out he is no longer producing sperm. I have always wanted to adopt or foster so am delighted. Except that we have our birth son and as he is just about to turn 3 we are struggling to find an agency who will take us considering we would only be eligible for a child under a year. I am gutted! I have spoken to 3 on the phone and could not face any more so have emailed every local authority and voluntary agency on "first4adoption" within a 35 mile radius. I am already loosing hope and we have not even made the first step! I have no one but DH to talk to about this but I don't want to upset him as he is very aware that the infertility issues were him not me and is worried I may leave because of it (I obviously wont but I am only 25 so I understand his concerns). Anyone else had these problems and it worked out?

 

[silverbell]

We were told the same when we started the process (that under 3's are rare). We opted for 0 to 5 in the end.

However, we've heard that there have been a few baby placements recently so I do think they say this just to warn you and prepare you that there could be quite a wait and you still may not get a baby (we were told there was quite a waiting list). I suppose at the end of the day they can't predict how many babies will go into care.

However, I do think it's harsh they won't at least go through the adoption process with you, as there may well be a baby to place in the future.

I'm sorry you're stuck and I hope things work out. Perhaps when your son is a little bit older things will be a little easier.

 

[missk1989]

Thanks for your reply. I have since posting found one LA willing to discuss things further. It is a good 30 miles from us in a "deprived area" so she said they had quite a few children needing homes. We are not asking for a tiny baby. We would even consider children of different ethnicities. The rules they made are restricting us and although I see the reasons for them and accept them I, like you said, don't see why they won't even consider us and just warn us we could be waiting a while. My son will age throughout the process widening the age gap as it progresses! So frustrating

 

[silverbell]

Thanks for your reply. I have since posting found one LA willing to discuss things further. It is a good 30 miles from us in a "deprived area" so she said they had quite a few children needing homes. We are not asking for a tiny baby. We would even consider children of different ethnicities. The rules they made are restricting us and although I see the reasons for them and accept them I, like you said, don't see why they won't even consider us and just warn us we could be waiting a while. My son will age throughout the process widening the age gap as it progresses! So frustrating

Yes I can see the frustration and I do find it odd they don't just accept you with a warning of a possible long wait. It seems such a shame (not just for you, but for the children waiting).

I'm glad you've at least found an LA willing to discuss and I do hope things go well for you. Best wishes.

 

[Axl2]

Hi I think its odd to that they won't help you out considering that there are babies to age 3 that are put up for adoption. In Canada you can go through the private agency and a adopt a baby, or go through the government system and get a baby up to 14. hopefully that agency will help you!!

 

[missk1989]

Hi I think its odd to that they won't help you out considering that there are babies to age 3 that are put up for adoption. In Canada you can go through the private agency and a adopt a baby, or go through the government system and get a baby up to 14. hopefully that agency will help you!!

Thanks for replying. The problem is that there has to be a 2 year age gap between any adopted child and my birth son who is not yet 3. So even by the time we were approved we would only be eligible for a child under 18 months and apparently they have plenty of people waiting to adopt babies. They want people willing to take over 3's right now not under.