Struggling wannabe dad.

[woodlikesome]

Hello all,

I don't know if Im doing the right thing by posting my problem on this site, but here goes.

My wife and I have been married now for nearly 2 years and have been trying for a baby for the last 12 months without success. I have suggested that we go and seek medical advice to establish any problems that either of us may have but my wife keeps replying that we've only been trying 12 months, we'll go next month. The main concern now is that she's starting to give up on the idea of having children as when it comes to sex there seems to be a lack of interest, (twice per month). I don't want to make out that i'm just being a 'typical male' and complaining due to lack of sex because I'm not, Im concerned about our marriage.

All I have wanted out of life is a family, I'm not bothered about material things lke a flash car or large house, all I have ever wanted from life is children. Due to the fact that my wife has gone off having sex and giving me the impression that she has given up I'm starting to feel anxious. I'm no spring chicken at 36 and my wife 32 so I imagine time isnt on our side.

I don't know what to do next as I starting to feel resentment towards my wife and Im starting to worry about our future together. Please can anyone give me any advice or share their thoughts.

 

[Jem88]

Hi
we got told to go back an see my GP after 12 months if we hadnt convieved again, its been 9 months since we had a m/c. my gp told me to have lots of sex thu the month an spesh around the time of ovulation.. you say uve been having sex twice a month, thats proberly the reason why you havent convieved yet. but i would try and go and see your gp and see what they say.. its for the best and they'll help if anything is wrong.

 

[Kiki09]

Hi,
Have you talked to your wife, asked her how she is feeling about all of this, would not mention the lack of sex as this will probably just add more pressure and it could be down to her worrying about other things, such as, work, in the current climate there is a lot of stress around job security etc so it could be something simple but she may be feeling she cannot talk about it, until you ask? I would approach the amount of sex you are having when she is talking openly with you, otherwise you will never get back on track.

Agree that if you are only having sex 2 a month then the chances of getting pregnant are slim, I think seeking medical advice would tell you the same.

sorry you are struggling, its never an easy time

 

[JayDee]

It must be stressful for both of you.

I'm sure if you look round on here you'll find lots of advice about the best time to catch the egg. Maybe this will reinvigorate your wife into wanting sex more than twice a month.

Have you been using anything to help you try and conceive? Ov tests or temping etc?
These might also help your wife feel more in control, at the minute I imagine she just feels like she's letting you down cos she knows how much you want kids.

Have a look round on here, then talk to her, and good luck x

 

[bababas]

Hi,
Well I have no idea how your wife is feeling, but I can only imagine.
I am thinking that maybe through all that pressure (she probably knows that all you want is a family, and she feels that it is her fault that it is not working out), she might think that it might be her fault, and that you will not want her anymore if it was her fault.

If you have been pressuring of having kids, then maybe you could assure her that even though it hasnt worked out this year it will not change your love for her. You could maybe suggest to her that you guys can try a few months not thinking about baby making, just taking a break from it. (taking off the pressure) And actually having fun-love-making that does not include the thought of producing offspring. Like when-you-first-met love making.

If you are not pressuring her, then maybe she is pressuring herself, then assure to her that you are not in a hurry or not worried that it does not happen. And maybe give her time, and stop talking about it, she will probably then make the move when she is ready.


I asked my husband the question "What if it doesnt work out", he said that we can go for adoption instead, so that alone took a huge pressure already from all my worries.

But dont worry too much also, i know a lot of people who had babies at 40 even.

I do wish though your wife would agree with you to ask professional help, but maybe she just needs time. She did day next month, maybe she will go then.

 

[Peardrop]

If I say anything that's out of order then I apologise in advance... and also I am just giving food for thought so don't answer and ignore if I am way off the mark

As Kiki and Jaydee have said talking is definately the answer - is there a reason that she might not want children yet - a blossoming career, for example...., a fear - failure/letting you down, fear of having a child, the future etc. Was she always as keen as you?

Is her lack of interest in sex definately down to 'giving up'. I suppose what I am saying is was better/more of it before or is it down to the 'actual' sex you are having ie making it fun rather than a chore. (usually it's the other way round and some men feel that we only want them for one thing!)

Lastly, as your wife is only 32 time is OK (not perfect but easily OK) so try not get too anxious at the moment.

If you want to talk and ask questions here, the ladies are lovely so feel free and I believe there is also a mens section. Spend some time understanding conception etc (once you are more informed you'll feel less anxious).

Hope I've helped rather than upset.