Struggling!

[newmummytobe]

Hi ladies, I hope you can help as I think I am struggling with the whole motherhood thing! My little boy is 16 months old and my oh works away for long periods of time. i have no family around me apart from oh’s family who I don’t massively get on with, and very few friends in the area as I moved here a few years ago to be with my oh. Just lately I feel like I am struggling with everything – with spending time with my son, with getting all the housework done, with making sure my baby eats correctly, with paying all the bills and having enough money, with making sure my son is getting enough attention etc etc. I work half a week in the office and half the week at home plus a few other bits and pieces I do in my spare time. I don’t have any time for myself, everything is a struggle with my little boy, ie getting ready in the morning – I cant keep up with him whilst getting myself ready for work, he is just everywhere and my house is like a bombs hit it before we even leave and I find myself getting annoyed with him, but I know its not his fault. This stresses me as I am trying to keep the house tidy but I just cant keep on top of it. then i dont want to be at home because my house is a tip! On top of that I am eating crap – I have a takeaway virtually every night (which I cant afford) because I just don’t have the energy to cook from scratch and sometimes I feel like bad food and chocolate is the only thing that I take pleasure in at the moment so I am constantly binging. I know I am not depressed as I am happy when with other people but sometimes I wake up and wonder what is the point in getting up as I only have to do all the same things again as yesterday, and if im not at work, I generally don’t see a soul all day apart from my baby. I do try and get out but feel limited as to what we can do on our own so I normally end up looking round the shops which then I feel bad again as lo is just stuck in his pram.
Sorry this is so long but I just need to know that I am not going mad and other people do feel the same? I read some of the posts on here and you mums are so fantastic and it makes me feel really rubbish!
Thanks ladies for reading xxx

 

[RachA]

Sorry to r & r. LO's just decided she wants my attention in a big way so can't really reply properly now.

I will just say for now that you aren't the only one to feel like that. Will be back for a proper reply later

 

[shortie1990]

My 16 month old is being a great handful right now, Im struggling with house work etc, god knows how I'm going to cope when this one is born, OHs busy at work at the moment so isn't any help apart from financially, he sorts all bills etc out, other than that it's pretty much all me, and it's hard work, he's being difficult with his behavior and his eating and sleeping, and I just don't know what to do! I just hope that things will just turn out ok I just have to have patience

 

[misshopefull]

First of all

I know how you feel. My family live over 5 hours away and my oh family never come to see me. I work 2 days a week and spent the rest of the weekdays pretty much on my own with ds. I don't drive and I only know a few people in the area and they work full time.

My ds is 3 and he had terrible terrible twos! This put me off taking to toddler groups which I think I really should of done, so I feel guilty about that.

My OH leaves the house at 6.45am and isn't home until 6pm so it is a long day with just me and ds. I feel like my washing machine is never off and as soon as I hoover it needs doing again. The washing up is never ending and everyday I look at the cobwebs and think I must sort them out!

I do love cooking but sometimes I can't be bothered [pregnancy hasn't helped!] so sometimes i get ready meals that I can just do some veg with. I also have a slow cooker which is great. You can make something like chilli con carne in the slow cooker [basically chuck everything in on the morning and its ready by tea time] then freezer what you don't eat. Serve with something like jacket potato, frozen/fresh mash or that rice that goes it the microwave and cooks in 2 mins. Cheaper than a takeaway but easy to make.

Maybe your oh family could look after your ds for a few hours a week so that you can have some time for yourself or even just a chance to do some house work. That way you don't really have to spend any time with them Otherwise have a look at some local nurserys to see what they offer. Some of them do cheap sessions for a few hours on a morning [bit like pre-school hours but you have to pay for it]. This might give you a few hours break.

Also, netmums have a notice board for your area and you can put adverts on to meet people who live near you. Maybe try and meet some new people near you.

Loads of people feel like you do so try not to let everything get on top of you

 

[elephant29]

You are definitely not on your own with this one. I sometimes feel like I struggle to cope with it all, I think most mums feel the same from time to time if they are honest.

I am working fulltime and 7 mths pregnant and I sometimes feel like I have no patience and I hate it. My OH also works fulltime and doesnt really help much witht he house and things so I am left to do most things by myself and it's bloody hard.

xxx

 

[QTPie]

Oh honey, no time to reply now (DS about the wake up from nap), but wanted to send a big *hugs*

You are a fantastic mum - a lot better than me! You are doing so much! Xxx

Will try to reply later xxx

 

[QTPie]

Hi again

You need to talk to your OH about all of this: you are parents together and partners in your parenthood. Do you both get on? It just reads like you don't feel supported at all. You say he is away a lot, how often is he home (every weekend? less often than that?).

Firstly, toddlers can be very "hard work": I love my LO to bits, BUT regularly could drop him off at an orphanage (I don't exactly mean that, but he is always challenging me - physically, menatally and/or emotionally). It is perfectly normal to feel that way, even if you partner was around every day. So, since your partner isn't, it is completely understandable. You are just worn down, need a break, need some "you time": sounds as though you have the whole world on your shoulders...

Get out as much as you can: look at playgroups and going to the park (even in the Winter). Your LO will be occupied, less bored (and up to less mischief) and hopefully you will meet some other mums.

Is your LO into TV yet? I am not a huge fan of kids watching lots of TV, BUT when you have to get things done (like getting ready in the mornings), it can be a godsend...

Can you work something out for a little free childcare, so that you can get some "you time" (go out, go for a swim, go for a run or a walk, something like that):
- definitely use your OH as much as possible when he gets home: you need time alone, he needs quality time with LO.
- although you don't get on too well with OH's family, could any of them do a few hours regular babysitting? Again, they get time with LO, you get some alone time.
- if you are friendly with other mums, then maybe a "babysitting swap": every so often you look after their child, in return for them looking after yours another time.

A bit of regular you time (I always think exercise is great) can do a lot for making you feel more human.

Is your LO in a regular and good routine? Although my LO wears me out when he is awake (and he is older than your LO), he STTN (8 until 7/7.30) and he naps for 2 to 3 hours during the afternoon: this gives me time to both do personal things and do "domestic" things. So - if you can steer your LO in the direction of a good routine (might be difficult if he isn't already routine driven) - you can organise things to geta bit more time.

QT

 

[JadeyB]

Ah honey, you sound like a fab mummy. I would say that being a mummy is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Or at least I think so!

I find it really tough most days and I have heaps of support. I can't even imagine if I was doing all this by myself with little support.

I find myself constantly shattered and stressed that the house isn't the way I want it and that I don't have dinner in the table in time before DH comes home. We're lucky if we eat before 9pm. Seriously I had an unrealistic idea of what working part-time and being at home meant. I had visions of me being some kind of domestic goddess in the afternoons - hmmmm!

I get upset when I talk to other mums and it appears that they live in this blissful little world where everything is perfect as I find it such hard work.

I think Ethan as a whole is generally quite a good little boy but I find him a huge challenge. He doesn't stay still when I change his nappy, he runs away when I try to dress him and he throws huge tantrums whenever he can't have his own way. He definitely pushes the boundaries. He climbs everything in sight and when I stop him he has a fit!

I've rambled but I just want you to know you are not alone. Is there any mummy and toddler groups you can go to? I don't know what I would do without the advice and support of mums with babies the same age. Xx

 

[anna matronic]

I hear ya!!!!!

I am on my own and working full time. My family live about 90 mins away, which isn't too far, but not popping in to help out distance!! I struggle massively to be honest. Luckily I have met some lovel friends. But eating I find really hard, I always make sure Evan eats, but me I go without often because I can't be arsed. Playing with him, after work I am so tired (or he is) and the weekends I am like a zombie!! Some weekends we don't go out/see anyone and I hate that but sometimes I just can't face it. I feel it is so unfair on him. I always get out at least to the shops Tidying????? Rarely gets done! I have to be really in the mood! Washing up/clothes washing do get done, but actual cleaning usually waits until my mum comes and she does it cos I just do not have the time. I will get a cleaner eventually but atm I don't have a spare £30 a month to get it done. Ironing, haven't done it since Evan was born

I cope but it's tough and I'd rather a less stressful life. I do whatever Evan needs and then I come second. Problem with that is I am not always looking after myself. When I feel better I am better to do lots with Evan. bit of a catch 22 really.

I met people (she's from here actually!!) Then I am now friends with her antenatal lot, we don't see each other loads, but at least 2x a month. Plus Evan goes to the childminder and I know he gets tons of all the right stimulation I can't always offer.

but luckily as I have school holidays, I make up for it big time.

Always here to chat xx

 

[stardust599]

Just want to say you're not alone. I could have written your post and the other girl's too.

I struggle to leave the house with my LO each day and often get really frustrated with her. She's not the easiest of babies/toddlers either and I am exhausted, she isn't STTN so not getting a full nights sleep isn't helping either

My OH helps where he can so I can't imagine how tough it must be for you xx