Stupid HV :( now feel crappy

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by vitriolic_vix, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. vitriolic_vix

    vitriolic_vix Mother of 1

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    So just had the Hv here for baby 3 month check and now I feel like such a rubbish mum :(

    My LO refuses to be put down during the day to nap although she is getting better at going down on a playmat for 5/10 minutes which she refused even a week ago. Apparently I'm a bad mother for not letting her cry it out when I put her down to nap. She basically said if she's fed and watered etc let her cry and if she gets really upset ( which she really does) to do pick up put down and she will eventually get the point! She said even if she's going down at night I'm making a rod for my own back by pandering to her?! I just want to comfort her when she's sad and was letting her figure it out on her own - now I'm questioning myself!

    She thinks I have PND because I'm tired and frustrated at my husband :/

    And now says when it comes to weaning I should do baby led weaning because purees are bad for them??

    As for her weight she went from 10.7 at 8 weeks to 12.5 today and it's too much?!! :(

    Feel so rubbish now and like everything I'm doing or was considering is wrong :(
     
  2. Louppey

    Louppey Mummy to 2 girls <3

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    Ignore her - she seems to me like she's a bit of a twat. Sorry I realise that's rude!

    A baby of that age should not be left to CIO. To give that as advice is just plain wrong imo.

    As for the weaning, I really think there is no right way or wrong way, just go with what you prefer! My HV recommended TW, which I am doing but I am hoping to introduce elements of BLW at around 5 1/2 months.

    Not sure about the weight gain, do you have your red booklet? Is your LO still following the line for her percentile?

    You're a fab mum honey don't let anyone tell you different :hugs:
     
  3. Louppey

    Louppey Mummy to 2 girls <3

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    Oh and if this is true then I have PND too! Of course you're tired, you have a baby!!! And don't know what your hubby is like, but if he's as useless as mine is at night then you're probably right to be frustrated with him :haha:
     
  4. Jem88

    Jem88 Guest

    I'd ignore her, our LOs 4 months tomorrow, and we've never left her to cry and always pick her up when she does, she did used to be a little clingy but now she's happily play on her playmat or with her other toys for a while until she gets bored lol. She wouldn't nap during the day but in the last 2-3 week's she's got alot better as we just kept putting her down when she was tired and she now naps in her cot for 30mins - 1 hour. Just do what you feels right for your baby. :)
     
  5. Lellow

    Lellow Déjà poo ... Get it?

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    :hugs:

    Sorry shes knocked your confidence, thats not her job, she should be there to support you not make you feel poop!

    Id seriously address your PND concerns with your GP too...

    We're here for you anytime you need a rant :hugs:
     
  6. shimmy

    shimmy mummy , daddy and baby

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    Sounds like your doing fab. Completely ignore Hv she sounds idiotic

    Do you have a baby clinic near you? Maybe you can just go to them next time x
     
  7. shimmy

    shimmy mummy , daddy and baby

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    Same here :haha:
     
  8. babyjiva

    babyjiva 1st baby

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    HVs don't have a job to do unless there's something to correct. their job is not always needed which is why they say too much. her advice was opinionated and very unprofessional. she should stick to the facts or find a new position. don't feel bad. my doctor would disagree with everything she told you.
     
  9. tommyg

    tommyg Mum to Smurf & TTC

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    Sorry but I couldn't let a 3 month old cry it out either. I'm guessing she isn't a mother and is able to detach she self from the crys of a baby.

    I struggle to get my wee guy to sleep during the day he is far too nosiy he's great at night but day times are a nightmare he ends up really tired and grumpy.

    He barely tolerates his bouncy seat but likes his play gym so I get a bit to peace using it but much of the day he want's to nosey about him or be attached to somebody.
     
  10. Hayley90

    Hayley90 Complete

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    ignore her!

    Babies that age should not be left to CIO, and its very wrong of her to advise you to. For all you know there could be something else wrong (colic, constipation, etc etc) and she is telling you to leave her be :nope:

    babies want mummy - thats just what its like. if she thinks your making a rod for your own back, simply by doing what a parent should do, then she's a moron.

    xx
     
  11. KayBea

    KayBea Mummy to Xanthia Lily

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    I agree.. My OH is mega useless.. Infact useless isnt the word!!

    Im sue HV's exams include how to upset mums.
    Xx
     
  12. wishingonastar

    wishingonastar Well-Known Member

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    isabel is a prime example of why its good to go with instinct if you want to hold baby and not use sleep training...she refused to be put down for naps and had to be rocked to sleep for naps and bedtime and held A LOT when awake...i went with this and never let her cry without being comforted...around 4 months she found her thumb and could sleep in basket from then providing she'd been rocked to sleep then a few months later she could sleep without being rocked and went down from awake...she's a happy, content child and i was a happy content parent as a result...thats changed at the mo admittedly as i'm now going through the same, but worse with emily :dohh: but i'm confident things will improve in a month or two :)

    as for purees...we did BLW but its not for everyone and plenty of babies are testament to purees being absolutely fine!
     
  13. louisiana

    louisiana mummy and ttc#2

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    what a cow!the only time brodie has been left to cry is when ive been having a wee:blush::haha:
    how are purees bad???i do blw with brodie but that was my choice(with reaserch of course).ive not seen a hv since brodie had his 3rd lot of jags-waste of time in my opinion
     
  14. kellis

    kellis mum of 2

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    Ooh HV's piss me off!!! Mine upset me the other day and i had a rant on here too. Go with your instinct and what works for you. I swear hv's must have had either no children or ones that were textbook because most of them just talk shite!
     
  15. charli87

    charli87 Chloes Mummy

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    i really would ignore her hun

    maybe speak to your dr about the pnd they will be able to check properly unlike her just guessing.

    also as for the weight gain it doesnt sound bad to me, plus by her age shes most probably gone through a growth spurt. im guessing shes around 12-13wks old so her weight sounds fine, chloe was 16lb 8oz at 14wks and my hv spouted a load of cr*p about it needless to say i havent been back since

    do what feels right for you, no-one can tell you what to do hun:hugs:
     
  16. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    Their advice is just that....advice.

    I was lucky as mine were very good and just kept out of things unless I asked a question. This is what they're supposed to do......advise when asked, intervene when needed.

    As for the whole being put down thing....until Earl was 4 months old he wouldn't sleep in his cot/basket during the day and he would only sleep on me or hubby. He also wouldn't do playmats and the floor until he was about 3 months. Thinking about it logically 9 months spend in confinement now suddenly...off you go, sleep with no-one around! :dohh:

    BTW - swaddling saved my life in the early days - and he eventually go the idea of sleeping on his own by me gradually going from having him asleep on me, to on the bed next to me, to in his bed on his own. Took about 2 weeks :thumbup:

    Ignore the HV, and carry on with the fantastic job you've been doing! :thumbup:
     
  17. kiraelliott

    kiraelliott Mum & due #2 :)

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    I'm pretty sure she's not supposed to tell you what to do - only give you guidance.

    You do what works for you, ignore the stupid mare!!

    xxx
     
  18. bunnyg82

    bunnyg82 Mum to 2 gorgeous boys

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    Oh for goodness sake, these bloody Health Visitors! My son was the same, wouldn't go down for his naps and at about 4 months I thought it wasn't right and I should do something about it. I tried one day and it was so distressing I vowed to leave it longer. It wasn't the right time for him or me and now I am glad I just enjoyed the cuddles.
    We decided to tackle it again when he was 6 months and we used pu/pd. It was the right time and it worked, but it wouldn't have worked before and there was no way I would let him cry then.
    If I had my time again, I would definitely carry on with the cuddles.

    As far as the weaning. I would say that the best thing is to look properly into both of the methods and go with what you feel is right. Noone can tell you one is better than the other. We did a bit of both (although some BLW'ers would tell you that's TW then as "you can't do a bit of both") but it worked ok for us and next baby I would probably be happy doing fully BLW, but others are happy with TW too. With most parenting decisions, I really believe that if you make an educated decision and feel that it's the right thing, then it is right for you x

    Don't let the HV make you feel bad x
     
  19. xnewxmummyx

    xnewxmummyx Mummy, Daddy and Isobelle

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    oh god ignore her. she probably dosent have a baby herself. now, i do let izzie cry SOMETIMES if I know there is simply nothing wrong, if she has winded, been changed, been fed, then I just sometimes leave her to CIO and she often does, but if her cry changes at all, or its been more than a max of 5 mins I go in and comfort her, but not pick her up I just stroke her face. at the end of the day, its YOUR baby and you do whatever is easiest for you. i know Isobelle can be a tad "mourngy/miserable/mardy" sometimes and leaving her to CIO is best for her because she sometimes can get worse if she is being picked up etc.

    Just because that works for me dosent mean it will work for everyone else and some people dont agree with it. tough. lol.

    As for the weight OMG my LO is 15weeks old and weighs 16lb 12oz, the same as an avergae 6month old.

    i had a " to do " with my HV yesterday over her weight but I said her paedeatrician is fine with her so stuff off basically lol!!

    dont worry sweetie, ur doing ur best as a mummy and your doing brilliantly!!

    xxxx

    p.s. as for the hubby thing, they deserve is sometimes hahaha, i am constantly grouchy with my OH hahahaha dosent mean I have PND...

    xxx
     

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