Support for traumatic birth

[floatingbaby]

My LO is 6 days old - a little dreamboat - I'm super in love with her, but I had a really traumatic birth and I can't seem to shake the sadness I feel.

I know my hormones are crazy out of whack right now, and I am running on no sleep which is so exhausting, but when I think about her birth, or talk about it, or anything about birth really I just get super sad as I remember the pain

The silly thing is that I had such a great/healthy labour and delivery. I handled the labour really well. Breathing through contractions. I went to the hospital at 930pm and was 5cm. Then I think around 1130pm I got to transition and everything changed. I puked and puked and my waters broke then I just didn't get a break from the pain. I took laughing gas but no other pain relief and I was beyond shocked at my inability to deal with it. Things moved very quickly and my baby was born just before 1am. My feelings are that I was so surprised at myself and what I was like during labour - I never knew I had that person inside me. I didn't know I was like that.
Just crying as I write...
I know it is over now and I have my dear girl, but I am still traumatized by delivering her. My doc and I have discussed my feelings and I'm seeing her again tomorrow... I just want to know that I will heal, mentally, from all this. I think getting more than 2.75hrs sleep in the night will help BIG TIME too

thx ladies

 

[beachgal]

I understand how you feel and wanted to send hugs your way. I'm pretty sure I was in shock for a few days after my lo's birth just 10 days ago. It was also a fast labour and no time for drugs. The pain was overwhelming and I just don't think I was prepared for how things turned out.
I think it's great that you are talking to your dr about your feelings. Just know that you aren't alone
Hugs to you and your LO

 

[sophie22]

I can tell you now it is 90% the lack of sleep and 10% your experience! I was a crazy person without sleep. I had 6 nights in hospital and by night 5 after having some nights with no sleep and others with a few hours I was not myself! I literally went from being wide awake to in a deep sleep from nowhere, when the healthcare comes and wakes me telling me my baby is crying and I need to change and feed him. I sit there stunned trying to work out what happened feeling like I must have been in some kind of coma not to hear him and to fall asleep out of nowhere. I then have a full on panic attack because of it feeling like I'm going to faint and can't breath. Now I like to think I'm a rational person but lack of sleep turned me into this! I assure you, you just need sleep and time! After my first child I had a very traumatic experience where he nearly died right after birth. And at the time I was numb to it, but a few days later at home I would find myself randomly crying in the bath or when I had a moment to think about what happened. I swore I could never o through that again. Yet time passed and things just seemed better, I was more rational about the who,e experience. I too, found the pain so bad and my actions that which I never would have expected! This time round I was wailing how there better be someone dying in intensive care because they were holding up the anaesthetist coming to do my epidural!!! Yet again, time heals this feeling about yourself, I had the exact same. I think it's normal xx

 

[MummyMana]

I was like you the first few days/Weeks after having her, but now when I look back on my experience I don't feel so sad... But 4 months on, I still feel incredibly angry about it! I'm not sure if the anger will ever go

 

[katsbump]

My labour was a nightmare. I didn't deliver until 30 hrs after my water broke. There were vacuum, forceps, episiotomy, postpartum hemmorhage (sp?), two blood transfusions and then the epidural had gone wrong so a week later I had to go in for a blood patch. My body just fell apart. On top of that the lack of sleep for the five days in hospital made me feel totally unhinged. For a few weeks after her birth I kept asking my dh what had gone on, what it had all been like, how much blood, how many stitches, how did i seem, did he see the dr cut me, how much did i vomit, just trying to understand everything that happened cuz I think I was just so in shock and sick that it just seemed like this nightmare and a huge horrific blur. I also asked the dr after what had happened to my privates, about the cut and tear and stitches. I cried a lot about it at first and felt really so upset about everything. I had no big plans for my birth, just wanted her out safely, but the whole experience was so brutal I felt really traumatised. Anyway, the good news is that 10 weeks on I feel pretty normal (though have a bit of a prolapse), love my baby to bits and feel I've come to terms with the horror of it all. You'll feel better bit by bit, just try to get lots of support from family if you can. You will feel better with time. Hugs!