taking a deep breath

[Tezzy]

*sigh*

sorry i havent been on for a while...

i hope everybody is ok

me... well... im getting there. John-Rhys is now over a month old and im still not getting to grips with this 'mum' thing.

it hurts so much ya know... when you just cant bond with your son. god im crying already. im so bloody tired. i guess i dont know what im trying to achieve by writing this, maybe i just need a good cry.

colin has gone away for a week with work and has left me with this screaming, hungry, smelly baby and i just dont know what to do. i dont want to feed him i dont want to hug him i dont want to change his stupid nappy one more time. but yet i have to. because thats what he needs me to do. i sound so selfish i know, and its not like im going to leave Rhys to starve of anything, i know what i have to do as a mum and of course i will do it.

colin is the one who does the cuddles and the bathtime and all the bonding stuff but now he's away i find i have to do it and to be honest i just cant. i didnt bond with Rhys after i had him and its just too late now. i just find myself sat there staring at him thinking 'oh god please dont expect me to cuddle you'

why am i like this? god im such a crap mum. i went to the doctors and hes like 'how are you coping?' and i answer 'yeah im fine, fine , fine, fine'

*sigh* im sorry for letting it all out but i just cant let anybody know how i feel inside. i love my son, im sure i do, but i just cant express it. im just too tired.

 

[LynnieH]

Terrie, you are not a crap mum, it sounds like you Have Post Natal depression to me! Please speak to your health visitor and get some help before you get really down! We all feel crappy from time to time particularly when you are isolated. Can someone give you some time off?

If I could drive I would be over like a shot! If you want to talk pm me. Don't go through this on your own!!

 

[Tezzy]

hey lynnie thanks for the reply. my mum has had rhys for the most part since thursday when colin went away. shes happy to have him but it just makes me feel even worse coz she knows i cant handle it. she hasnt said anything to me about how im coping shes just keepin her mouth shut and doing what she can to help out. im just a wreck right now and i dont feel like i can admit it to anybody

 

[LynnieH]

Please talk to the health visitor, they are trained to help you through this. ?You are coping, you just need someone to point out how well you are doing. It is really hard looking after a baby and don't forget you are the one getting up in the middle of the night NOT your mum! Besides if she is anything like my mum she,d have you believe she is superwoman!

Don't beat yourself up over this, thousands of women suffer every year and it can get really serious if you don't get help!

 

[Tezzy]

thanks. i totally missed your babys birth. sorry. congrats hun. i hope all is well at your end. we do need to go to chester soon

 

[LynnieH]

As soon as I am allowed to drive I'll be there. By then I may be feeling the same way as you!

 

[LynnieH]

There are some piccies of Frankie in the photo section If you're interested?

 

[Wobbles]

Oh Terrie hun I just want to give you a BIG BIG

Look after yourself sweety & take Lynnies advice won't you & speak to your health visitor asap.

x

 

[Lucy]

Hi Terrie

It does sound like you might have postnatal depression, please go and see the DR or your health visitor and be honest with them how you are feeling - life is too short to be feeling this way and to be missing out on your wee baby's early days.

It sounds to me like a good rest will do you the world of good so don't feel bad at accepting your mum's offer to take care of your baby for a while so you can get a good sleep. Things always seem worse when you're sleep deprived.

Work on your relationship with your baby, it might take time but you'll get there - before you know it the wee one will be giving you kisses and cuddles and melting your heart.
You're not a bad person for feeling this way, loads and loads of new mums feel like this - don't beat your self up, you are human and talking to the Dr or HV will get you the help and support you need to come through it.

Lucy

 

[bexxie]

hi terrie

right i am going to admit something now,when i bought my DD home i wanted to take her back as was just too over-whelmed it was scarey and as hubby was such a natural he made me feel more and more crap.
This is post=natal sweetie and it is such a hard thing to admit to your G.P or HV but you must tell them. They will help you and I am not saying a miracle will happen over night but eventually thiongs will even out and things you find hard now will get easier.

When he has his first full nights sleep that will help heaps,you will be rested an dmore in control of how you feel. Your OH may look like he is finding it easy but he didnt have to give birth and go throgh all the major hormone adjustments. I think you are doing a great job by coming on here and saying how you feel.

It is good you have your mum to help,talk to her and talk to OH. Things will egt better there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I love being a mum now although am crap when it come s to playing and things that DO come natural so cant say I am 100% good at it and am scared of the prospect of having depresiion when the next babe is here. Do you know I am the only one of all my friends.more concerned with losing my sleep than anything else,lol,how bad is that?

If you need to talk please,please PM me and I will give you my phone number,I have been here and it is a dark place on your own and you needn't be on your own.

Bex.x

 

[Minxy]

I didnt bond with Rhys after i had him and its just too late now.

It really isn't too late! All babies are little strangers. It took me a good couple of months to really bond with Stanley, it's much more common than you think.

It does sound like you might have PND and I agree with others, get some professional help if you can

xxxxxxx

 

[ImTheDaddy]

Terrie,

If I were you I would get straight to the GP and discuss with them, I am of course assuming your GP is reasonably good.

We're really lucky, Tam's had such a bad pregnancy that both the MidWife and GP have said they'll make sure she gets all the support she needs. Midwife said she;ll talk to the Helath Visitors.

I would say you sound as though you've been having a difficult time, and from what you've said and I have read/heard, you are not any different to a lot of women.

Bonding is not always a given, also the whole "Baby's are hard work" is missed by some people and I think that's what you're finding and it's easy to see how you can get so down about it.

I hope you get help soon.

Try and remember you're not doing anything wrong!

 

[Tezzy]

thanks for all your advice everybody.

im taking Rhys to see the HV on tuesday and will try to pluck up the courage to say something. i completley broke down lastnight after writing on here and had a good cry.

Rhys was awake 3 times in the night and as i was so stressed out i just couldnt get him back to sleep. my mum has Rhys right now so im off for a bath and some sleep as i think i may just fall over if i dont sleep soon.

thanks for being so understanding everybody i really thought i was the only person to feel like this.

 

[Caroline]

I agree with other posts, please speak to helath visitor, and get some help. I had a difficult time with Alisha initially, as she feed continuously day and night. I'd get 2-3 hours sleep. I spoke to hv and with her support got through it. Its good you've got your mum around to help, I'm sure she is not judging you, she will no doubt be concerned for your well being. We're here for you if you need us, Good luck with hv on Tuesday.

 

[Wobbles]

Hope you get a good sleep Terrie hun Thinking of you & please don't *think* about mentioning this to your HV you do it hun it will make all the difference to you & your family from what I've heard about PND x

 

[Iwantone!!!]

ur not a crap mum this must be really hard for you to deal with with ur OH away for a week is there anyone you cna talk to ?

 

[Wobbles]

Her Mum is helping her as she mentioned on page one!

 

[weestar21]

terri hunny i want to give you a massive hug

i know what its like to be feeling that way, i went through it with my first daughter. She was born prem and was in hospital and had a ruiten for comming home but i just felt like i didnt get to spend the forst few days feeding bathing chnaging her we werent allowed
i found it so hard to bond when she came out of hospital, and i was put onto anti depresants i only needed them for a short time hun and i felt sooooooooo mych better and i just couldnt stop playing,hugging,kissing and loving ma wee girl

Iknow you will be the same hun and it will be soon, youve already taken the biggest step and opening up to all of us you just need to be honest with your doctor and you will start to feel a whole lot better soon, i promise

its never too late to bond with your baby, it took me just over 3 months :wink:

take care chick
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Tezzy]

ok didnt have a nice sleep this afternoon but had a reaallllly long chat with my friend Brigitte about everything..had another good cry too. it wasnt too bad admitting that there was problems and i also found out the she went through the same thing (she has 3 girls) shes gonna come with me on tuesday to the HV to make sure i mention it...


thanks again everybody x

 

[Iwantone!!!]

thats great hunny all the best for tuesday xxx