Team Rainbow Mummies - Gay Surrogates, Lesbian, Transgender and BiSexual TTC Group

[MaybeMomSarah]

Hi All,

Well, since many of us have hijacked the Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...? thread, I thought I'd start a group for us!

If you're in a lesbian relationship, a surrogate helping a gay family, transgendered still trying to get pregnant, or just like rainbows, this is the team for you!

Feel free to grab the blinkie that Lizzie_Moon made. https://i45.tinypic.com/ifn95h.jpg

 

[RainbowMum]

*subscribes*

am not TTC yet but want to follow everyone on their journeys so I'm even better prepared next year(NEXT YEAR!!)

 

[LeaArr]

RainbowMum - I love your avatar, and I have to agree but in my world it's "Love is having two daddies"

Just wanted to bring some and well wishes to this new team.

 

[LunaBean]

Woot! I was gona start one, but was trying to see how many of us there were first, we've about 10 now!!!!

Come on BFPs!!!!!!

 

[MaybeMomSarah]

There are quite a few of us kicking around. I think we tend to have a different kind of experience than heterosexual couples have. I know every once and a while I wish I had another lesbian ttc to talk to.

 

[LunaBean]

Yeah me too, just to see if things are normal, getting freaked out by sperm etc lol. I can't really talk to my sis about it!

 

[MaybeMomSarah]

Alright, so first question - if you are the one going to be the biological mother of the child, this one is more for you.

How is your partner's family viewing your child? As in, will they accept this child as part of their "family"?

My in-laws have said that they won't recognize the child as part of their family at all. This many have to do with the fact that they don't recognize our relationship to start with (after 8 years of being together, 3 of them legally married).

If you were in this situation, how would you deal with it on a pregnancy level (as opposed to when the child is here, which is a whole other topic!)? Do you encourage them to discuss it? Do you show them scan pictures?

 

[day_dreamer]

Hello -- I'm pretty new around here, been lurking since I joined last month but as soon as I found this thread I had to say hi!

I'm 26 and my girlfriend is 23. We've been together for 4 years, lived together for 3 and bought our first house 18 months ago.

I've been broody for as long as I can remember, but this past year or so it's become unbearable. My girlfriend started off not so bothered about having children, but is slowly coming around to the idea...if I stop talking about. It's all I think about and I find not talking about it really hard. I totally understand that if I talk about it too much then she feels pressured...but at the same time, talking about it keeps it real for me and reminds me that it will happen, one day.

This probably sounds silly, but just lately I want a baby so much it actually, physically hurts...there's an ache in the middle of my chest that just won't go away. It's got a so much worse lately as my friend who sits next to me at work found out she was pregnant in April, so she's just gone on maternity leave. My other friend, who sits the other side of me, his girlfriend is due in March and to top it all off, my bestest friend in the whole world has just found out she's pregnant!!! Don't get me wrong, I am sooo happy for them, but I'm also extremely jealous. So so jealous. My best friend keeps saying "oh your time will come" but sometimes I lose hope that it will.

We've agreed to start TTC before the end of 2010, but I really want to bring it forward and start at the beginning of 2010. The main reason for waiting so long, is my girlfriend and her not feeling entirely ready...but I'm hoping we can sort that out. I would love for us to have a baby by Sept/Oct next year, because then I would be on maternity leave with my best friend (she's pretty much my only friend outside work) and that would be awesome. Plus, our child would have lots of little playmates all around the same age, and that's very important to me too.

Still...it's hard to cope with on a daily basis...seeing people's bumps grow and only feeling emptiness inside

I get really annoyed at times because for hetero couples it very often 'just happens' and even if they're not ready, they get used to the idea and it's all fine. It's never going to 'just happen' for us -- and what if she's never ready??

Sorry for rambling...wish me luck trying to get her to bring out TTC date forward...how on earth do I do that without pressuring??

 

[RainbowMum]

I've been broody for as long as I can remember[...]

My girlfriend started off not so bothered about having children, but is slowly coming around to the idea...if I stop talking about. It's all I think about and I find not talking about it really hard. I totally understand that if I talk about it too much then she feels pressured...but at the same time, talking about it keeps it real for me and reminds me that it will happen, one day[...]

We've agreed to start TTC before the end of 2010, but I really want to bring it forward and start at the beginning of 2010. The main reason for waiting so long, is my girlfriend and her not feeling entirely ready[...]

WOW...this is basically my life right now!

I'm so, so ready...but my gf isn't.
We agreed to wait a bit to be in a better place financially and also we haven't been together *that* long yet

I work with children and have pregnant people around me all the time...my time will come too

Anyway...sorry for my hijack - welcome to the team *ha*

 

[Tegans Mama]

Hello
Not TTC but definitely a rainbow mummy

 

[LunaBean]

My OH wasn't ready when I first brought it up, but she came round to the idea. She was so excited when I got pregnant, and devastated when I miscarried, but I do think the one who isn't going to be carrying the baby doesn't get as excited or interested at first! Now she's as excited as me, but still gets mad when I point out every single baby we see lol.

 

[RainbowMum]

I just got a reply from my PCT as I wanted to find out their policy on funding fertility treatments for same sex couples...

We don't have a different IVF/IUI policy for same sex couples.



We are currently updating our IVF policy which would probably be more explicit in terms of stating the rights of same sex couples. But the principles that underpin our current IVF policy applies to same sex couples in that:

1. IVF or assisted conception is usually a treatment that involves couples in a stable relationship as recommended by NICE. Our current policy does not make any distinctions between same sex or heterosexual couples. So it would not matter if they are a same-sex couple.

2. Every couple will have to demonstrate failure to conceive despite unprotected sex for one year. This in effect means that our IVF policy is based on the principle that the PCT will fund treatments for demonstrable clinical infertility regardless of whether the couple are in a same sex relationship or otherwise.

In practice, this means that couples in same sex relationships would have tried inseminations or self funded IUIs and failed to conceive (for up to 6 cycles of IUI), or provide evidence from a Gynaecologist that the female partner that will carry the baby has been investigated for infertility and have factors that would preclude natural conception such as blockade or abscence of both tubes (as would also be expected of heterosexual couples)”.

ah well, not like I really thought they were going to help us pay for it anyway

 

[Tegans Mama]

Rainbow_Mum, that is actually a good response. Our PCT told us we weren't eligible as a same sex couple since I was 'infertile though choice'.

 

[RainbowMum]

I know that it's actually a fairly good response. I was just somehow hoping we could get some sort of financial help right away...
But at least we know that they will help after 6 months of trying(or earlier if there's something 'wrong' with me) so that's great

 

[LunaBean]

We have to go through interiews etc too, which is ridiculous!!! Why shud we have to prove we'd be good parents! I was also told, by my gynea (who is a guy and a twat, that I have 'elective infertility'. Yeah, just because I'm 'electing' not to get poked by a dirty boy penis, doesn't mean I'm electing not to have kids!

 

[RubyRainbows]

Alright, so first question - if you are the one going to be the biological mother of the child, this one is more for you.

How is your partner's family viewing your child? As in, will they accept this child as part of their "family"?

My in-laws have said that they won't recognize the child as part of their family at all. This many have to do with the fact that they don't recognize our relationship to start with (after 8 years of being together, 3 of them legally married).

If you were in this situation, how would you deal with it on a pregnancy level (as opposed to when the child is here, which is a whole other topic!)? Do you encourage them to discuss it? Do you show them scan pictures?

Hi girls!! I would like to join your "team" too! I am fortunate that my girlfriend's family accepts me whole-heartedly and is very warm and welcoming to my two-year old son. I don't see my GF's family very often, but they kind of consider Jayden their grandson... i've heard them make that reference.

On the other hand, when my GF asked them if they would be thrilled and throw me a shower when i get preggo (we were not together when i had my first child... we met when he was 4 months old)... her mother said, "If *you* were the one pregnant we would throw a shower!" So, i think they would be happy if we have a baby together.... and love & spoil the baby.... but still think of the baby as mine, not hers.

Anyhow.... glad to see a rainbow mommies team!

 

[Jetters]

I'm in! Although a bit more conventional than most... am 7 weeks preggo, concieved the old fashioned way- a stupid rebound relationship with a good friend. So, this little bean has got a single bisexual mummy, and a bisexual daddy!

My dad has said he's placing bets on the babba coming out either with a mohawk or waving a rainbow flag

 

[Jetters]

@Tegans Mama, I love your daughters name!

 

[LunaBean]

Lucky it was so easy for you, wish it was that easy for the rest of us! Will he be involved in the baby's life?

How is everyone getting on? I'm only 5dpo and nothin to report! We're just about to go do our food shop, hopefully we won't spend £150 this year, tho I duno how it happened since there's only the 2 of us! lol. Havin slmon insteada turkey this year for a change too.I want my presents now! Tho I've been allowed to open about 6 already, lol.

 

[RubyRainbows]

Jetters - CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS! Wish you could send a bit of your friend's super-sperm my way! Will this be your first baby?