Tbh I feel like I need to get some stuff off my chest and I thought i would do it here because well I ont really have much people to vent too :/ well these last few months have been some of the worst of my life, my oh tried to commit suicide in April just before he was due at court to be a witness for his little cousins murder trial, after he took the overdose he was just so easily discharged from hospital and refferd to a cpn nurse (who is shit)anyways we had to go through the trial miles away from home which was extremely hard emotionally and financially , ( lost about 1000 pounds of work time and more if i added the travel costs) and due to the stress of the trial and money worries of ended up loosing his job. So fast forward a few more months and I end up having to go to the doctors because I've been havibg severe cramps and other symptoms (tmi) and end up finding out I have chlamydia....
and I've had it for so long that it has caused pelvic inflammatory disease ( which can cause severe scarring to yoir tubes and well you know the rest
) so obviously I am upset and furious at the same time, I know I haven't cheated so its obvious my oh had! Turns out he did cheat on me when we had been going out for a couple of months (and I know that was 2 years ago now but the feeling of hurt to me is still fresh :/ ) anyways since it was that long ago that means I had it for over two years that means i even had it when I was pregnant!!
and because I had it for so long that's why I got the pelvic inflammatory disease and now it could be very difficult to conceive if I ever wanted another baby
so ever since all this came out things have been really up and down between me and oh and more recently about 2 months ago things got really bad and me and oh where out drinking celebrating a friends birthday and we got in an argument and he thought i was going to leave him and ended up slitting his wrists
I was so angry at him at first I mean how could he do this to us again! and i was also angry at the cpn nurse who a week before this happened told him he wasnt a danger to himself?! Anyways to try cut a long story short he was flown away to glasgow and put in a mental health ward in glasgow, I made my way out the day after on the first ferry and had to leave Kian for the first time
, while in glasgow oh was getting the proper help FINALLY! and i was making an hour journey back and foward every day to go see him, so after a while he was discharged and we came home and everything seemed to be getting back to normal untill I stared remembering other things about that night we where out so i did some snooping and found enough for me to confront my oh about anther woman... he admited to me that he is pretty sure he kissed her after we fell out but he isn't positive, I feel absolutley heart broken "how could he do this to me again? and not just me this time Kian too! So after a rough couple of weeks I decide to try and forgive him for Kian's sake and well because I love him. So fast foward i dont even know how long now and I've been getting horrible pains again and all the other symptoms.. I've almoast convinced myself i have chlamydia again (which means oh did more then just kiss...
) and beacsue of the severity of the pains in my tummy I think I have PID again
I went to the doctors about a week ago and has a urine test and was all clear so its not a UTI , had a swab done to test for and sti and doc gave me thrush cream too, he told me to try not worry becuse it ight just be that but i cant help but worry especially since the thrush cream hasnt worked
I have one more week to wait for the results and I really dont know if i can last that long without cracking! I am trying so hard to act like i am okay for Kians sake and keeping myself busy but I am absolutley drained
I'm hardly sleeping and when I do I'm having nightmares and i just dont know how long I can keep up acting "okay" before I have a breakdown
everything is just such a mess
x
I hope everything works out okay in the end for you 
maybe make an appointment with your midwife xx
