Telling boss about plans NOT to return to work after baby is born?

[sandandsun]

I know it's early, but I'm already thinking about this and what I'll tell my boss and when.

I'm fortunate in that my husband has a really good job that gives me the option to stay home for a few years (I've always wanted to stay home with my children). Long before we were trying to conceive, we knew I would quit working after having a baby. We have already started saving for this.

My question is....Should I let my boss know now or during the pregnancy at all? Or put in my 2-4 weeks during my maternity leave?

I feel guilty and like it's a little unethical not to tell sooner, only because my position is one that would put a huge burden on my team if I left unexpectedly. And in my industry, hiring can take months. However, I also don't want to say too much and risk any ill feelings or mistreatment due to my plans to leave. (I have a really awesome boss who is super family-oriented by the way...she has 3 kids of her own.)

My 12-week ultrasound is in 3 weeks, and I have plans to tell my boss about my pregnancy somewhere around 12-14 weeks (I've always been told your boss should know first). I don't plan to tell my coworkers until after the 18-week scan if I can make it that long.

Any other soon-to-be stay-at-home moms? What are thoughts? Should I break the news when I reveal the pregnancy (because I know I'll be asked), tell later in the pregnancy, or not say anything until the end of my maternity leave?

Thanks for any shared experiences/advice!

 

[kealz]

Personally, if that's definitely your plan, then I think wait until your 12 week scan as you said and then I would tell them what you're going to do. If your boss is supportive of family life then there shouldn't be any bad feeling - I would think they would be more grateful of the time you have given them to recruit and they should appreciate that. Plus it's a weight off your mind so you can get on with the important things; enjoying your pregnancy and looking forward to your next chapter at home.

 

[Radkat]

I would check with HR to see if your benefits are different if you disclose that you won't be returning. Like will your work still have to pay all of your disability, etc if you're not returning. I'm not sure about that, just something to check on.

 

[Lara310809]

I took the maternity pay, and I went back for 4 weeks, handing in my notice on the first day I got back. They also allowed me to work part time (I did 3 days per week instead of 5), which was easier for me with childcare. I got to keep the maternity pay, plus got paid the leave I accrued while I was off, plus earned money for the 4 weeks at the end, plus got all my tax back for the year I was off. For me it was worth it, and you're not legally required to make a decision until you're due to go back to work. I think you're legally required to give the amount of notice stipulated in your contract; for me it was 4 weeks. But some companies will ask you to repay all maternity pay if you don't return at all after your leave. I worked those 4 weeks in order to keep the money I earned for the year I was off. It's a bit rude, but if you've worked with the company for a few years, you're ENTITLED to take that time and be paid for it. It's completely believable that you might not decide right until the very end of your leave, and many women do it that way. You just need to have a confidential word with HR before you do anything you can't go back from. I earned about £8,000 while I was off, and I wouldn't have been able to repay it even if I'd wanted to, since my OH was made redundant during that time so we were only surviving because of my maternity pay.

 

[petitpas]

Personally, I would wait a bit and discuss different scenarios with HR first. Also maybe let the fact you are pregnant sinkin with your boss for a few weeks before hitting her with your leaving plans. I see you are in Florida. How long is your maternity leave? Would they have to hire someone anyway to cover your absence?

 

[sandandsun]

Thank you, everyone, for the very helpful insight and opinions!!

Radkat and petitpas, great suggestion. I honestly didn't even think about discussing it upfront with HR. I think I will do that after the 12-week scan, and I happen to know one of our HR ladies very well. I'd like to be as informed as possible and discuss different scenarios.

Lara, it's great to hear from someone else who had made the decision to stay at home after maternity leave. I didn't even think of working for four weeks to keep the maternity leave pay... only problem is hubby and I don't live by any family, so we'd have to find a daycare for that short time period. I agree that I am entitled to it and it's not unusual for a woman to need that time to make a decision about going back to work! I guess I'm letting the "guilt" part get to me, because I'm 100% set on my decision already, but I have to do what's best for ME in this situation.

Petitpas, I can take up to 12 weeks maternity leave, but I honestly don't know much beyond that and can't find anything on our HR website. Guess I *really* need to sit down with HR soon! In my absence (if it was unexpected), they would probably divide my work up among my team members (which I would feel bad about, but I've been on the other end helping those who were out on maternity leave!), though they would definitely have to hire someone for the long-term.

 

[Radkat]

Re: working for a few weeks after maternity leave... Have DH look into paternity leave. Dads are entitled to it as well and he could take it after you take yours (e.g. he doesn't have to take it right after the baby is born) so you wouldn't have to find day care for a month.

 

[floatingbaby]

I would wait until you are on leave to decide. Maybe once the baby arrives - that would seem more believable, that you changed your mind once you met your peanut. But do keep your family as the most important. Even though you enjoy your job and are valued there, it is just your job, and they will find someone else to do it once you give notice. You already sound like you will be a great mom as you are thinking first and foremost of your little once and caring for him/her.

I didn't return to work. LO is almost a year and my maternity leave has finished. Things are tighter now, but it is important to us that I am home with our kids

Good luck, and take your time to make your decision. But know that your guilty feelings are just that - feelings, and they will fade and your work will be OK soon after xox

 

[Surprised26]

I'm not sure how your company is, but honestly, a lot of places will use that notice as an excuse to fire you and strip you of any benefits. I'd personally wait until closer to your due date to disclose your plans to leave, that way if they do decide to let you go sooner, it wont be so much of a financial blow.

 

[skyesmom]

i'd wait with that announcement as well. it is way way too early to inform them of such decision. and you may as well change your mind as the pregnancy goes on.

i'd also inform myself well what your rights are as a worker that wants to quit in this situation; and take a lot of care not to get those rights denied just because of early announcement of quitting after a baby.

also, your entire working situation will change after such an announcement and the assignments you are getting will change as well - whatever projects you've been working on will be slowly handed over to other people which is fine - but also, new exciting projects that you may want/expect to get will be routed to others and you'll be stripped of responsibilities and position daily (like a long long never-ending handover). i'd rather wait if i were you!

 

[AnonymousCAT]

I'd wait until after the baby is born as well. I know we don't want to think about the worst case, but if something were to happen to the pregnancy it may b e nice to still have a job lined up.

 

[sandandsun]

Thank you, everyone!! I really appreciate all the responses and they have made me think about things from a different perspective. After reading these responses, I do think it's going to be best to wait until after the baby is born to say anything to my boss (as hard as it may be).

"I would wait until you are on leave to decide. Maybe once the baby arrives - that would seem more believable, that you changed your mind once you met your peanut. But do keep your family as the most important. Even though you enjoy your job and are valued there, it is just your job, and they will find someone else to do it once you give notice. You already sound like you will be a great mom as you are thinking first and foremost of your little once and caring for him/her."

Thank you, floatingbaby! That was a great pep talk. I agree that is is just a job and these are my feelings, not reality. Even the most talented, well-liked employee is replaceable. And I certainly would not want to risk my duties suddenly being changed or anything worse if I told too soon.

AnonymousCAT, that's not easy to think about, but you are absolutely right. You just never know...

 

[petitpas]

Well, you could use the change of responsibilities to your advantage... If you let your boss know towards the end of your pregnancy you might have a load taken off you, which might make things easier when you're big and tired

Obviously, only if telling wouldn't risk your benefits!

 

[sandandsun]

Well, you could use the change of responsibilities to your advantage... If you let your boss know towards the end of your pregnancy you might have a load taken off you, which might make things easier when you're big and tired

Obviously, only if telling wouldn't risk your benefits!

Ha! Good point!

 

[Genevevex]

Personally, (living in FL as a working mom as well) I would DEFINITELY wait until you're on Maternity leave. Attitudes change as soon as you announce that you are pregnant anyway, and giving them notice that you are ALSO leaving at the same time... not a good idea.

I would also verify that you don't have to pay back any compensation you might receive during your leave if you don't return. And then I would possibly return for a certain amount of time based on that... and give my notice as soon as I return.

 

[sandandsun]

Personally, (living in FL as a working mom as well) I would DEFINITELY wait until you're on Maternity leave. Attitudes change as soon as you announce that you are pregnant anyway, and giving them notice that you are ALSO leaving at the same time... not a good idea.

I would also verify that you don't have to pay back any compensation you might receive during your leave if you don't return. And then I would possibly return for a certain amount of time based on that... and give my notice as soon as I return.

Good points. I definitely plan to talk to HR about the possibility of paying back compensation and make a decision from there. Thanks!