Telling work

[arturia]

Hi ladies, looking for advice. (again)

For reference, I'm a software developer for a small company. EDIT: Also Canadian.

I'm trying to figure out if I should tell work right away. I am 6 weeks today and haven't had a scan, so I still am in that 'high odds of miscarriage' territory. I haven't had any bleeding as of yet, so I feel odds are good I'll see a little heartbeat on the monitor come Monday when I have my first scan at the OB.

But relating to that appointment, my OB office (and almost certainly the usual ultrasound clinic) seem reluctant to schedule me for any appointments other than the slot I've gotten assigned to, so inevitably I'm going to be out for appointments VERY often for the coming months. I can almost guarantee that when my boss decides to look at the out-of-office calendar, he'll figure it out in fairly short order.

I don't feel it overly likely work will treat me much different, despite the fact that it's a male dominated environment. It is otherwise casual enough and small enough (we have 15 employees) that people are likely to understand, since we all deal with each other on a personal basis. We've had a few moms in the past. (not many) One is one of the other software devs. Her child is 5-ish, and was born before my time, so I can really only infer from evidence that she had him while working here. (they told me at the interview that they hadn't hired any devs for 8 years.) She works full time now, no problems with her career. The other is a mom who was working part time while I was here. She left so shortly after I started that I never really met her.

Really my concern is what happens if I do have a miscarriage later. Awkward.

I'm really only discussing telling my boss and HR (need to know) before 12 weeks. I was thinking of holding off telling everyone unless I got really bad morning sickness, but seeing my appointment schedule I'm reconsidering.

So my question is when and how. Any advice?

Thanks in advance.

 

[ButternutBabe]

I wouldn't suggest bringing it up with anyone from work until at least 12 weeks. I don't really feel like it's any of their business that early on as it shouldn't effect your performance and if anything goes wrong it'll make things much more uncomfortable than if they just didn't know.

I'm sure other people will have different opinions on it, but that's mine. Good luck with whatever you choose!

 

[DobbyForever]

Not sure how different Canada is from us...

But the socially accepted to tell is 12 weeks, mostly because like you said that's when the m/c rate drops significantly. Here in the states I know people who get offended when you tell them early.

Also, technically in the us you don't ever have to legally disclose you are pregnant. Most people do it out of courtesy/ to make arrangements for while they are gone.

Regarding the appointments, why can they not schedule you outside of work? If it's just a day here or there, blame it on a stomach bug or bad food. If you need a doctor's note, have your gyn write it but they don't have to give a reason for you to miss a day of work. They just say out on this day and can return this day, I also remind my gyn to take gyn off, but usually they don't forget/ do it automatically. I had it on one note and that was a gyn who knew my job already knew.

Regarding the nausea: you don't have to explain anything to anybody and if anyone asks just make something up. Like oh I tried a new vitamin or pre workout and I guess it's not sitting right or I ate too much/too little....

Just remember you only have to tell them when you feel ready. Not a moment sooner,

 

[Ellivort]

I am going thru this now. I've told my coworkers as we are all on a friendly basis, but have not formally notified the boss. He may suspect because of my frequent time off requests, an hr at a time for appts (which are only tues or wed mornings) and u/s whi h are also weekday mornings. I plan to formalky announce, in writing, with formal mat leave plans ( im also Canadian) after my 20 wk scan.

I do concur, tell when and who you are comfortable telling!

 

[Mrs. MB]

I had to notify my work because I work in law enforcement and had to go on modified duty. I told my boss the day after my first ultrasound. If I didn't have to notify I would wait until 12/14 weeks. You'll only have had on or two appointments by then so nothing too suspicious for your boss.

 

[amc90]

I would wait until 12 weeks or if the morning sickness becomes bad. I told my coworkers at 6 weeks but that's because I'm an RN and didn't want to risk the pregnancy with heavy or isolation patients. I guess it just depends on the job.

 

[2ducks]

I am 10 weeks, having my first scan tomorrow. If all goes well I will tell work sometime within the next two weeks. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Your doctor's appointments are personal.

 

[TattyHead]

I told work at 8 week's ish because I was so sick, I spent half my time in the toilet so they knew something was up.
I just warned them I was still very early and anything could happen..
I'm glad they knew because since 9 weeks I've been off sick and spent a lot of time in hospital on drips etc.

 

[northern_me]

I told immediately because I work in a violent work environment. I'm also in Canada. Otherwise I wouldn't tell until you felt you had to.

 

[mirandaprice]

I told my boss around 9 weeks, only because I had a bleeding scare and left work abruptly for an u/s.

Originally I wanted to wait until 12 weeks, as that's when I felt most comfortable, but due to having multiple apps I gave her the heads up so it wouldn't seem like I was hiding anything.

But really, you don't need to tell your boss until you're comfortable telling.

 

[arturia]

Hey folks. I did end up telling only my boss at work for a variety of reasons.

1. I tend to be an anxious person and I didn't want to be anxious about revealing it. Telling eased the pressure.
2. My docs scheduled a lot of first trimester stuff, and I didn't want him to wonder. After I told him he reminded me it wasn't his business why I left for appointments. Heh.
3. We had planned getting some training for me done over the next little while and telling him provides incentive to get moving on getting me booked for classes. Having me complete provides a monetary benefit to the company. It should (hopefully) all be done before I deliver.
4. Morning sickness? Now I don't have to worry too hard if I get it bad.

I'm still planning to do a general reveal to the company at 12+ weeks.

 

[DobbyForever]

Glad the chat went well and that is one less thing to worry about!

 

[mirandaprice]

Glad it went well, I felt such a weight lifted when I told my boss, I tend to be anxious too

 

[smileyfaces]

I told work at 7 weeks because of morning sickness