temper tantrums!!!!!! Arrgggg help!!!

[PaiytonsMummy]

so from the start, my OH lost his job about 6 weeks ago, and was out of work for about 3 weeks, in this time paiyton (my 17 month old) was very happy that me and daddy were both at home with her.

OH started a new job last week and since then paiyton has been throwing really violent tantrums, she throws herself down soo hard and really hurts her head, just the slightest of things will set her off!!

Also she has become so clingy with me, if i leave the room she screams the house down, and will not go to any other family members not even OH now!! I am worried because before she was such an outgoing little girl, she didnt want to just be just stuck with me all the time, she wanted to be out in the garden exploring, now i cant leave her anywhere. Its strange how the slightest of changes can change a toddlers behaviour.

Also i am worried that she could be doing herself some damage when she keeps banging her head!!


sorry for long post, please help, any advice would be great!!! xx

 

[LM2104]

My duaghter started doing this after we tried doing controlled crying. She has tantrums too, bangs her head and wont leave me alone, guess they just dnt like change.

 

[Dragonfly]

Leaveing her in a room to cry alone wont help at all only teaches a child that mum dosnt want to know them if they are frustrated which tends to build up a lot of anger later on. Children cry is a way of telling parents something is wrong, its not some weird manipulation thing or something that warrants being ignored. That also shows a child when someone is in need that they must be ignored. Give your child that attention it needs for whatever matter its not spoiling a child, you wouldnt walk past an adult or leave it in a room crying alone would you? children are humans to but need more attention in the early years to grow up to be confident individuals and ignoring early needs wont make that.

ps every child will tantrum its harder for them to communicate than us so being allowed to express this just like all the rest of emotions will allow them to deal with it a lot better and your head to be more peaceful. Works for me any way.

 

[orangefish]

around 18months they go through another separation anxiety episode. It'll pass quickly. Just let her know that you're there. Not sure exactly what to say about the tantrums - sorry. My daughter has started them, but not quite so bad - yet!!! i'm waiting for that part to come xxx

 

[Serene123]

Sounds to me like she needs lots of cuddles!

 

[Didz]

My daughter throws tantrums constantly, as a kid I used to do the same and we realized that most of the time she's bored so we bought her toys that were a little older for her which didn't have small parts. She's a lot better now. She'll still try it but usually a distraction is enough. If we can't calm her down we pick her up and hold her until she's calm (often getting kicked, punched, scratch and bitten in the process). Once she's calm we'll calmly talk to her and tell her we know she's upset but there no need to throw a wobbly and just give her hugs. My parents never did that, they just used to tell me to give it a rest. She has seperation anxiety too but that's something we've had to learn to "ignore". We'll leave the room for a few seconds, pop back in and say here we are to let her know we're still in the house and we'll shout from other rooms to let her know we're around but she just can't see us. After a while she calms down and knows we're around. She's finally realizing that just because she can't see us, doesn't mean we're not there.

 

[embo216]

Leaveing her in a room to cry alone wont help at all only teaches a child that mum dosnt want to know them if they are frustrated which tends to build up a lot of anger later on. Children cry is a way of telling parents something is wrong, its not some weird manipulation thing or something that warrants being ignored. That also shows a child when someone is in need that they must be ignored. Give your child that attention it needs for whatever matter its not spoiling a child, you wouldnt walk past an adult or leave it in a room crying alone would you? children are humans to but need more attention in the early years to grow up to be confident individuals and ignoring early needs wont make that.

ps every child will tantrum its harder for them to communicate than us so being allowed to express this just like all the rest of emotions will allow them to deal with it a lot better and your head to be more peaceful. Works for me any way.

Sorry but I completely disagree here. You should give a trantruming child whatever they want?

 

[Dragonfly]

Your not getting me, if you show your child attention no matter what the mood they will learn to handle things better. If your child crys its in need of something more likely attention, closing it off isnt helping meet that childs needs. You may not agree with me but I am only trying to help.

 

[LM2104]

Leaveing her in a room to cry alone wont help at all only teaches a child that mum dosnt want to know them if they are frustrated which tends to build up a lot of anger later on. Children cry is a way of telling parents something is wrong, its not some weird manipulation thing or something that warrants being ignored. That also shows a child when someone is in need that they must be ignored. Give your child that attention it needs for whatever matter its not spoiling a child, you wouldnt walk past an adult or leave it in a room crying alone would you? children are humans to but need more attention in the early years to grow up to be confident individuals and ignoring early needs wont make that.

if thats a criticism towards me you are wrong to judge, I was doing what was recommended by my health visitor it only lasted two nights and I couldnt handle it any more. You look after kids and I'll look after mine! Noone has a right to judge any other parent they all do it their own way, I'm sure you do things I disagree with!

 

[Dragonfly]

I wasnt judging?? I had to read up to see what you said to see what you where talking about, I was only trying to help not judge any one!

Sorry OP for trying it was only for OP not a dig at any one else.

 

[PaiytonsMummy]

Your not getting me, if you show your child attention no matter what the mood they will learn to handle things better. If your child crys its in need of something more likely attention, closing it off isnt helping meet that childs needs. You may not agree with me but I am only trying to help.

my child always has my full attention, but when she is tantruming for no apparent reason, and i cant settle her, there is nothing more i can do, i dont close her off, she closes me off when she is tantruming, i asked for advice on what to do when she is in this state, not parenting skills sorry.

 

[Dragonfly]

Your not getting me, if you show your child attention no matter what the mood they will learn to handle things better. If your child crys its in need of something more likely attention, closing it off isnt helping meet that childs needs. You may not agree with me but I am only trying to help.

my child always has my full attention, but when she is tantruming for no apparent reason, and i cant settle her, there is nothing more i can do, i dont close her off, she closes me off when she is tantruming, i asked for advice on what to do when she is in this state, not parenting skills sorry.

Sorry i was only trying to give you a different perspective on things on maybe that would help her and you but obviously not. Good luck.

 

[PaiytonsMummy]

it just came across wrong, you made it out as if i leave her to cry, which i don't, it didn't seem like you were giving advice, it was more like a criticism, i was asking what other parents did to settle their toddlers.

 

[Dragonfly]

it just came across wrong, you made it out as if i leave her to cry, which i don't, it didn't seem like you were giving advice, it was more like a criticism, i was asking what other parents did to settle their toddlers.

Sorry I probably read something wrong somewhere but wasnt criticising, my toddler does take tantrums, they all do thats just the different approach I have to them which seems to work for me and wanted to pass it on. I am crap at explaining stuff anyway. I just wanted to offer some sort of insight to a different view which I am learning about.

 

[kyronsmom]

hi there
i totaly disagree with u drangonfly, u cant give into a tamtrum child they ahve to learn right from wrong, i leave mi liccle one crying , as long as i can see him , i tell him that its unnessery for this behaviour he soon comes round

 

[Serene123]

I think you should distract her. I know that sounds silly and impossible but it really does work most of the time. Ask her to play with you, get some pots and pans out and start making music or something! Don't give her attention for her tantrum but do play with her or try to make her think about something else? Does that make sense?

 

[Dragonfly]

hi there
i totaly disagree with u drangonfly, u cant give into a tamtrum child they ahve to learn right from wrong, i leave mi liccle one crying , as long as i can see him , i tell him that its unnessery for this behaviour he soon comes round

Sighh..I dont mean give it just dont ignore it thats all, try and find out why and deal with it not give the child a cake or something.

Look I seem to not be explaining myself right so I will just not try any more but I didnt mean that anyway.

 

[Serene123]

hi there
i totaly disagree with u drangonfly, u cant give into a tamtrum child they ahve to learn right from wrong, i leave mi liccle one crying , as long as i can see him , i tell him that its unnessery for this behaviour he soon comes round

Sighh..I dont mean give it just dont ignore it thats all, try and find out why and deal with it not give the child a cake or something.

Look I seem to not be explaining myself right so I will just not try any more but I didnt mean that anyway.

I know what you mean and I agree

 

[aob1013]

I know what you mean Dragonfly, i agree with you x

 

[louise1302]

with archie(who tantrums on a pretty regular basis to be honest) when hes in a strop and we have the full on screaming and throwing himself about i find the best tactic is to remain as calm as possible, not just act and talk calm-be calm because they csan tell when youre faking lol, they also understand at their age(hes 18 months) he understsands a hell of a lot more than he lets on he does, i ask him calmly what his problem iws(i know he cant articulate it to me but it shows him im there and im interested) if he continues i offer solutions such as today he was having some baked beans and was creating merry hell about it turns out all he wanted was to feed himself
if she still continues i give him some space whilst still giving him eye contact and telling him im there then when hes finished i ask him if hes finished and give him a hug
at their age they not only are testing boundaries but they want to be far more independent than they physically can be and they understand so much
with regards to the seperation anxiety just go with it, reassure her when others are in the room that its ok and youre there eventually itll stop archies lasted about 4-5 weeks