The 12 week wait

[RAFMrs2]

I'm around 4+4, and am already a bundle of nerves. We lost our last at 9 weeks back in January 2015 and it's taken me this long to get over it emotionally and try again. We tried for one month, and wow..it worked.

I've asked our midwives if I can possibly get an early scan to reassure me, but they say it's not possible until 12 weeks where I live. I know this, as it took 9 days to get a scan when I was losing our baby even though I was in a&e!!

Anyway, this is our last shot, im 38 and hubby 41, and we so desperately want a sibling for our amazing 5 yr old daughter.

I'm just looking for anyone in a similar position to me, as these next few weeks are going to be so tough, especially as hubby is away until early April and I've no one really to talk about this with.

Thanks X

 

[laura109]

Aww im sorry for your loss. I had a chemical pregnancy in 2013 and it was so confusing. I set myself up that d struggle and mc if i got a chance again. I did fall pregnant and like you i was nervous. Hated the first 12 weeks. A mixture of feeling sick and checking i was not bleeding every time i went to the loo. I was even scared they would be no baby on the scan. But there was this little clear mini human. I remember she was moving her hands and her little fingers were so clear. She slept through the whole scan so they could not measure her properly lol. She continued to grow and now shes 10 months old.

This part is hard for alot of women. Especially when you have suffered a loss. But its not often people mc several times. Its just one of them cruel things in life. But this baby will more than likely be in your arms in 8 months time and you will worry about other things. Try and find some positives. Until it goes wrong its all fine. You deserve this baby so try and look after yourself and the weeks soon go. Good luck and congratulations xxx

 

[RAFMrs2]

Thankyou Laura, I appreciate your reply, I needed a positive story and outcome! seeing her little fingers after 12 weeks of stress must have been the most emotional moment in the world, I'm smiling just thinking about it.

I feel as though by expecting things to go wrong again, I could almost influence the fact, and that if I expect to miscarry again, I will. Then on the other hand, I just dare not imagine a positive outcome for fear of failure again. It's a truly vicious circle.

Maybe I need to try to forget I'm pregnant and just let fate decide..kind of hard though with super sore boobs and permanent nausea!

 

[Lou+Bubs]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Have you thought about paying for a private early scan? I am towing with the idea also, I have two daughters but between them I had a early miscarriage and that is playing in the back of mind with this pregnancy and my 12 week scan seems a life time away.

 

[LoraLoo]

Morning ☺️

We have lost 5 babies- our daughter Eve to meningitis, Alfie at 18 weeks pregnant, Eden at 15 weeks and then 2 early losses at around 5 weeks.

I'm currently 4+1 and so hoping my Dr will get me in for an early scan, but if not I will pay private. There's no way I can go to 12 weeks without one.
Congratulations by the way 😃 x

 

[RAFMrs2]

Hi Lou, yes I've been looking at that, the nearest place is 2 hours drive away, but it's certainly something to consider. But, even if I saw baby at 7/8 weeks, I'd still be worrying it could go wrong afterwards...so is it just wasting money? Hubby seems to think that if somethings going to go wrong, I'll know about it soon enough, so why not just try to relax and forget about it. Oh men, if only they understood you can't just forget can you!

Do you think you'll get the private scan? id love to know what you decide xx

 

[laura109]

Fear will not cause a mc hun. Its because we love these little people from the moment we see that pink positive. Feeling sick etc are good signs that the hormones are strong. Seems like the little one so far is doing just fine in there. I remember i took the positive approach by looking at baby things. I dont believe in causing bad luck so i looked at all the pretty things. If you ever want to chat feel free xx

 

[Lou+Bubs]

Hi Lou, yes I've been looking at that, the nearest place is 2 hours drive away, but it's certainly something to consider. But, even if I saw baby at 7/8 weeks, I'd still be worrying it could go wrong afterwards...so is it just wasting money? Hubby seems to think that if somethings going to go wrong, I'll know about it soon enough, so why not just try to relax and forget about it. Oh men, if only they understood you can't just forget can you!

Do you think you'll get the private scan? id love to know what you decide xx

I have looked but like you say they're a lot of money and the there is still the wait till 12 weeks.

You have good signs that all is going well with your symptoms, I am constantly hungry so trying to eat little and often which seems to helping with the nausea. Worst time is on a morning when I have eaten my breakfast, so the school run proves interesting.

 

[RAFMrs2]

Loraloo - I'm so sorry to hear about Eve and your babies your strength and resilience is truly admirable, to be here again at the beginning with renewed hope. Congratulations!!

 

[hopie2015]

Raf- I ditto all you said exactly! Also had my mc in January 2015..went in for 9.5 wk scan and saw baby stopped developing just a couple of days before. I was too scared to try again but in December we did and shocked it actually happened. I am well over 40! Read online my chances of pg are like 3%! So now I am terrified.

Your symptoms are strong and sound good. I have had terrible nausea since 5wk3d. I can't even drink water without getting sick. I also thought for the next few weeks put the fact that I'm pg out of my mind, but it is impossible when feeling like this! I can barely function.

The girls gave great advice on here. For now we just take things day by day or hour by hour. Multiple losses are very uncommon. I would feel more confident if I were in my 30s, but if i do have a loss I know it is because of my old age. I am going to get an early scan and today get my beta results back.

I think an earlier scan for you would be a great idea to help with re-assurance. I am hoping for all the best for you and have a great feeling!

 

[RAFMrs2]

Hi hopie, did you get your results? And behave, since when is mid 40s old age! X

 

[awnmyown]

Agreeing with all the others, in that you have to live in the moment, but also remind yourself that it's okay to worry, we all do. But worrying won't change any outcomes, positive or negative. You can't worry yourself into a miscarriage, nor can you be so optimistic that you cause one. Go with what your mood dictates; maybe staring at adorable baby clothes today, and stressing on b&b tomorrow. It's a long wait, but at least we have each other to pull through it.

I do know that I also can't wait the 12 weeks for our first doppler (they don't do scans here until 20 weeks). So we booked a private one at 8 weeks and are making a date day out of it. We know that things could still go wrong after, but the odds after seeing a heartbeat are lower and I guess I'd rather know if something has already gone wrong sooner then wait another month. Trust your gut and go with what you need. Not all decisions are based on cost; sometimes it's worth putting your worry a little at ease.

(I say that while I stress about our 8 week scan and all that could not be right Pregnant woman. We're just worriers.)

 

[RAFMrs2]

Awnmyown- thankyou. When is your 8 week scan?

 

[awnmyown]

Saturday I bounce between excited and nervous to the point of nauseous constantly Nothing I can do to change anything, so I just let my mood take me where it shall.

I'm a big believer that it's okay to be scared. I think it helps to talk about it. Does for me anyway. Makes you know you're normal

 

[Rhiannon137]

I have a tentative positive story to share. I had a MC at 6 weeks in October and unexpectedly fell pregnant again almost immediately thereafter. I took a test 4 weeks after the MC started bc I had been vomiting for a few days and simply wanted to put the idea of pregnancy out of my fool head. This pregnancy has been very stressful and I have worked (with varying success) to be optimistic about it. However, I think it would have been extra stressful even if more time had passed. Loss gets in your head.

I ended up having two early scans: one at 6 weeks to confirm it was not the original pregnancy, and one at 8 weeks to confirm dates and viability due to the crazy circumstances. I saw the heartbeat at both, which was very reassuring . . . for exactly the length of time I watched it on the screen.

I got through the earlier weeks by trying not to think about it too much, while also focusing on how very ill I felt all the time. Fun combo. I've just gotten the results of my genetic blood work back (normal chromosomes and it's a girl!) and I'm starting to let myself fantasize about things a bit.

I will say that, even though I've been more worried, I have not had the same sorts of deep negative feeling about the outcome that I was having (for no reason) about the pregnancy I lost. From the very beginning, I just had a feeling. Realistically, I am 37 and know that loss was.probably the result of a genetic abnormality that would never have led to a healthy baby. I also try to remind myself that, even after a loss, the chances of having a healthy pregnancy/baby are much greater than the chances of having a problem.

There is nothing you can realistically do (mood, worry or otherwise) at this point to change what the outcome will be. Just take good care of yourself and try to stay positive. Denying yourself of joy about your pregnancy now won't protect you from feeling sad later if you have a bad outcome.