The path to kids... opinions would be great

[EloiseW]

Hello!

Just found this forum and this site. Looks great! So, here I am, a single woman in my 30s and I realise that I would definitely like to have a couple of kids.

Here's the thing. I have ALOT of time to spend with them and be an at home mother. However, I am single and not particularly rich although I would be able to provide for them so that is not an issue. I don't want to lose my chance to have a family. So, should I do it? The thought of looking back in 20 years and going, oh my god, I wasted my fertility when I really want a family. Any opinions are a great help. Thanks again, Eloise

 

[sausages]

If you can provide for a family yourself then i think it's a great idea! Obviously the ideal situation would be having someone special to share the joy with, but not every one has the luxury of being in the ideal situation.

The only issues i would have (only opinions!) is that you should only get full and informed consent from any sperm donor rather than just randomly shagging about to get pregnant - I am NOT saying this is how you would do it at all, but i don't know you and i know it happens. Hopefully you have better sense than that!! Also just be sure that you have a bit of savings for if you need anything and you're in a stable home and a stable job so that you have regular income with maternity perks and a job to go back to so that you can set a good example for your family. You realistically have 5-10 years before you should really start to worry and in that time you can get yourself plenty sorted.

But like i said, if you can do it using a proper donor and you can support any children yourself without just thinking, "Oh well it doesn't matter cause i'll just get benefits," then go ahead!

Welcome to the boards!

 

[wombat1]

My friend's sister just had a baby boy via sperm donor as she was in your situation, single and in her 30s, and knew she wanted kids. If you can provide for kids and feel ready then my vote is to go for it!

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

Welcome!

If it's something you feel strongly about wanting to do, then go for it! You won't be able to turn back the years, and children are so wonderful. My husband has a cousin that is a doctor and didn't want a partner, but did want kids. She used a sperm bank and is now a happy single mother to two.

I'm not going to lie, taking care of children by yourself is tooooough. Hubby has been gone since Evelyn was 5 weeks old, and the only thing that gets me through some days is knowing that eventually he will come home to us and I'll have help again. But even with those days where I want to pull my hair out, it is so worth it being a mother, and I love my little girl to pieces!

 

[Reidfidleir]

I knew a mom who adopted two children (brother and sister) because she always wanted to be a mom. She was my first grade teacher. I don't know many details about her life but last I saw them they seemed ok.

My personal opinion is why would you put yourself in a situation to be a single mom? It's so hard being a parent even having a very supportive husband that helps a lot.
Most single parents are thrust into that situation and would prefer it not to be that way.
Of course you wouldn't want to let your desperation to have children force you into a bad relationship either....
I'm not sure what to tell you, but I would say don't do it. Don't go it alone. What about the future children? Are you thinking of their well being with no father figure? Just something to think about....

 

[LouOscar01]

If the option is kids or no kids then I would definitely have kids and do it alone!

Make sure you can provide for them and go for it!

 

[EloiseW]

If you can provide for a family yourself then i think it's a great idea! Obviously the ideal situation would be having someone special to share the joy with, but not every one has the luxury of being in the ideal situation...

Hi Sausages!

Thanks very much for the opinion and advice. All of what you says makes sense and this is what I am thinking of too!

 

[EloiseW]

Welcome!

If it's something you feel strongly about wanting to do, then go for it! You won't be able to turn back the years, and children are so wonderful. My husband has a cousin that is a doctor and didn't want a partner, but did want kids. She used a sperm bank and is now a happy single mother to two.

I'm not going to lie, taking care of children by yourself is tooooough. Hubby has been gone since Evelyn was 5 weeks old, and the only thing that gets me through some days is knowing that eventually he will come home to us and I'll have help again. But even with those days where I want to pull my hair out, it is so worth it being a mother, and I love my little girl to pieces!

Hi Kitteh_Kat,

Thank you very much for up front about what raising kids entails. I am going to take this very much into account and I am very glad that Evelyn is worth it! If I can find a partner that I love and also wants kids thenI will try for this instead.

Many thanks again!

Eloise

 

[EloiseW]

If the option is kids or no kids then I would definitely have kids and do it alone!

Make sure you can provide for them and go for it!

Hi Lou Oscar,

Thank you very much for your positive opinion despite all of the hard work, expense and money that kids can be. I am looking for the ideal - as in be in a good, loving relationship with someone who feels the same. But, if not, I don't want possibly to miss my chance. So thanks again for the encouragement!

Thanks again!

Eloise

 

[Caite]

Hi Eloise

I'm planning on going down this route myself. It's seems scary but exciting. I would rather do it this way than end up having children with a man who is not quite right and have to deal with all the problems that entails.

I don't think there is anything wrong with planning on being a single mum. So long as the children have everything they need - physically and emotionally - then I don't think it matters how many parents a child has.

PM if you want to chat about this.

 

[AniMo2202]

My opinion is that making the choice to be a single mother,is much much different than having single motherhood thrust upon you.Yes,children can miss having a father (or sometimes mother) figure in their lives,but I also know out of experience that grandparents,aunts and uncles can sometimes mean so much to a child missing a father or mother.

 

[michelle535]

I think you should go for it! Although I agree with Sausages that you should get a proper donor/informed consent first. I always said that if I was single by a certain age then I would use a donor.

I used to work with a woman who never had children, when I asked why she said it was because she never met the right man. She would have loved to have a baby but by the time she met the man of her dreams she was in her late 40s and menopause had started. I felt so sorry for her.

 

[Rachie004]

I think it's fine to do it alone as long as you have some sort of support system in place, be it through friends or family. I'm having a baby with my FH but I still find it daunting that I'm not surrounded by family.

I agree with the sentiments of other posters regarding informed consent donors rather than an accidently intentional pregnancy.

There is a poster on here called 'BabyOnMyOwn' who is a wonderful lady and is currently pregnant after a long battle - I find her really inspiring