The reeeeeally hard days (long sorry)

[MrsBandEgglet]

Today is, so far, a super hard day and I hate to say it but I'm feeling like if I wasn't pregnant I'd quite happily go back to work full time right now I know it's just gonna get harder but I have been preparing myself for it for when Pud comes but it's shocked me how hard everything is at the moment.

Arthur is just miserable; he screams all day long. It's like he's a little baby with colic except he never had colic. He never cried this much when he was a baby. I can't leave the room without him screaming and screaming. He's only ever really content if he has his dummy in 24/7 and I'm making an effort to wean him off it and distract him with other things. He doesn't play, he just clings onto me constantly. If he drops anything we have ten mins of screaming, literally tears pouring down his face, until he figures out he can pick it up again. It's like he has no self-confidence, he can't be independent and he just seems completely unhappy and I don't know what to do

My OH is insistent that I just leave him to get on with it because he can't have my attention 24/7 but when I do this rather than just go and play he'll just lay on the floor and scream and cry. He did it so long the other evening on the floor of the bathroom he cried himself to sleep. Also, then there's the issue of my husband works nights and he's just not sleeping because of the consant crying. We're just not functioning as a family, I feel like I have a permenant headache, we're rowing all the time and I just don't wanna spend day after day like this. This is even before the baby has come so I just don't see how we're gonna be able to exist when there's two of them. Right now he's just sitting on the floor screaming away and we've had at least 7 of these episodes so far this morning. He woke up from his nap and I wanted to just cry myself, I find myself praying he'll sleep longer and longer.

I know it's partly down to teething but he's like this ALL the time, he can't seriously be teething constantly, every single day for the last six months; he only has 6, nearly 7 teeth.

I'm despairing, I just don't what to do and I don't want to feel like I'd rather be at work but this is just relentless

Any tips too make him into a happier child? How do you get them to play independently without needing you every hour of the waking day?

 

[Eala]

Massive massive

I'll bet at the moment being so far along that going out and about is the last thing on your mind, but are there classes and stuff you could go to? Toddler groups, soft play, anything that gets you all out of the house?

Would it maybe be worth seeing your HV/a doctor as well? Just to rule out any underlying physical problem that is making him so unhappy?

More big hugs

 

[MNORBURY]

Oh hun you must be shattered! . Is there nobody who can take him for a couple of hours to give you both a break? I find Evie is like this some days but when she is with my parents she is like a different baby, that little time away from one another really helps as he's probably picking up on how agitated you are too x

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

Thanks Lynne, we go to two groups a week, one on a monday morn and one on a friday morning. Unfortunately last friday was just stressful because the other babies we're happily playing and he just wouldn't leave me alone. I went out with him to the park and for a walk yesterday and we do plan on getting out for an hour at least today, to the post office and the shop but we've got lunch to get through yet and that (inevitable) battle zapps a lot of energy lol

 

[Kte]

Not that it helps but with LO nearly on the way it may be a little reassuring for you - he will most prob be fine when you aren't around. Sometimes if my LO spends the day at nursery or with OH she is fine, yet pop me back in the equasion and she will be clingy and moany. Is there anyone who could look after him for you for a few hours?

Also, I think it's his age, I seem to remember a few posts a while back with LO's becoming clingy again for a short phaze.

 

[wannabewillow]

Couldn't have said it better myself. Again mahoosive . Tantrums are awfully difficult, but to be managing them whilst pregnant, must be doubly hard. As Eala said, first off, a wee trip to the GP to rule outthings like ear/throat infections. Next, and possibly most difficult, get out of the house. Is there anyone else who could take him for a wee while? Sometimes being away from Mummy on a weekly basis, even for a wee while (half an hour) can do the trick. It couldalso mean you get a bit of time with OH to spend as a couple. The other thing I thought about was swimming. It can seem like a military mission at first, but get prepared the night before and it's easier. He might be a bit clingy and unsure at first, but after a while, he'll be splashing away like a wee mad man. Make sure if you do go, that he's well rested and well fed. Take someone else for support the first time if you need to. Good luck

 

[Szaffi]

I feel for you, mut be really hard.

DD does this on some days, but not constantly, and being pregnant doesn't make things easier.

I do agree that getting out of the house, just to a park or playground may help.

As for the dummy, my daughter also starts to search for one if she's upset, but instead of total weaning, we made a rule that she can only have it in bed for sleep. As far as playing, I try to start her on an activity, and then pull back. If she gets bored of it, I try to start her on something else.

Also, we have established playtimes - eg. in the morning, while I shower and get ready for work, she'll play in her room, and I put some music on. When daddy picks her up from daycare, they play for 15-30 mins, (go to the park or at home), and when I come home, I also play with her for 15-30 mins. While we cook, she plays independently, or if she's too whiney, she watches a short dvd.

I don't know how I'd cope if she wasn't in daycare for a good part of the day - is that an option for you for at least some half days?

I found that she strives best on routine, so we stick to predictability most of the time.

 

[eddjanuary10]

Awww you must be feeling sooooo tired. Ihsan had been veeery clingy for a few weeks with a few more teeth coming in and is only just settling down again except during the night I think having someone else to look after lo is a good idea too, even if someone can watch him in your own house whilst you rest out of sight! Also, maybe you could pop him in his highchair somewhere different like in front of the tv or window or something with a book and some finger foods to play with even for 15mins so you can rest?? I have had to add quite a few more interesting things into my house for lo recently as he gets bored very easily and becomes whingy! I got a fish tank he loves that, a little waybulloo tent which I put those play balls in and tie balloons too, I got him one of those fridge magnet toy things where you put the different shapes in so that he can sit his highchair next to the fridge and doodle whilst I cook or just let him play on the kitchen floor with it he loves the magnets and it plays songs too. Sorry not much else I can suggest but good luck, hope you get some rest and big hugs x

 

[kellyharrison]

Big cuddles to you hun - how old is your little man? My LO went through exact same thing around 18 months old. She wouldnt play, and everything and EVERYTHING would upset her. I know its not want you want to hear but he will grow out of it and learn to deal better with his emotions. It doesnt help you in the meantime does it??

I agree that third party childcare helps ALOT, do you have any mums you trust to have him over for a few hours playdate? Me and my pal do this quite often just give eachother a chance to escape back home for some much needed child free rest. AND for the mom hosting the playdate, it offers a distraction to the kids.

Keep your chin up and try and be positive. Your a fab mom and they arent this age forever and you CAN DO IT. Try and distance yourself mentally from the screaming - headphones help!!! hahaha.

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

I agree that third party childcare helps ALOT, do you have any mums you trust to have him over for a few hours playdate? Me and my pal do this quite often just give eachother a chance to escape back home for some much needed child free rest. AND for the mom hosting the playdate, it offers a distraction to the kids.

I would love to do something like this but right now I couldn't reciprocate and look after my friend's LO's so I'd feel like I was taking advantage. My mum and dad are having him next friday and saturday night and then we're going there to get him on the sunday and staying over. He's never been away from me overnight so although I'm saying how he's making me feel like I wanna tear my own ears off lol I think I'm gonna miss him like crazy and I can't see how I'll be able to relax all weekend. It's gonna be so strange. I know it'll be good for us all though.

Thanks everyone xx

 

[leelee]

Max is going through a similar thing and I am also pregnant. I think he may be coming out of it though, as he is way more settled in himself in the last few days.

With Max there was lots of upheaval in his life (moving, starting nursery, teething etc). What I ended up doing was carrying him around mostly everywhere with me as he was so clingy. It was so tiring and stressful and I wished I was at work full-time (although work was/is crap too).

Anyway - in the last few days he has been sleeping better. Seems more settled in himself and is secure enough to play in another room while I potter around. He still follows me everywhere quite a bit but I don't mind as he isn't as whiny.

I just hope this nice stage lasts for us and it ends for you pretty soon.

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

Another intense screaming session. I'm now in floods of tears myself and I've just had to come upstairs and leave him to scream it out. I really don't know how much more I can take. All I did was put him down on his play area after changing his nappy and he's just screamed and screamed for the last half an hour and now my hubby is up.

 

[Eala]

 

[BabyGirl999]

Phone the doctor and make a wee appointment maybe? Teething can make them very whiney, but not sure about the screaming. Has he been like this for days, weeks or months? Poor you, my heart really does go out to you, I wish I could help!

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

I've made an appointment for friday with the GP rather than the HV this time but we have kind of attributed it to the lack of a dummy because he's so much more content when he has it, even if he's just holding it. I think I may have made the situation worse because I've been treating the dummy like it's a prohibitive and I've not been allowing it when clearly it gives him comfort. I know it's not ideal and maybe I should be stronger but I think I need to relax my attitude to the dummy and perhaps if he realises he can have it, he may not want it as much, if that makes sense? I hope it works

I don't think he's teething as bad today but I have applied some ambesol a couple of times, which I don't want to be doing every day. He seems to be almost chewing on his dummy as opposed to sucking on it so maybe this is acting as a teether? I just know for certain, I don't like seeing my baby cry like that; it's heart-wrenching xx

 

[Pink1981]

Try talking to a hv, i'm not totally sure but i think they can try and get you some funded hours for him at a nursery. Might be woth looking into, especially when the baby is here

 

[hattiehippo]

Big, big, big hugs to you! I can't even imagine trying to cope with Tom on a bad day while being heavily pregnant. You must be absolutley shattered on top of everything else.

Tom has really clingy days and a month or so ago he was also so tantrumy all the time. Every little thing led to a melt down but he has improved a bit recently. I think his understanding of what's going on around him is getting better and so he's not so thrown by the slightlist different thing. I do have to constantly explain things to him to get his co-operation which is really exhausting sometimes.

I notice Arthur is a little bit younger than Tom so it could just be his age. It could also be though that he's aware something different is happening - even though he won't understand what you being so pregnant actually means, he know that mummy is looking different and behaving in different ways and toddlers love things to be the same. So maybe he's more clingy cos he's constantly wanting reassurance that everything is ok still?

It sounds like Arthur having some time with grandparents is a great idea to give you a break. I left Tom with in-laws overnight for the 1st time a month ago and it was really hard but it was lovely to go out for a meal with DH and just chill out a bit.

 

[karlilay]

Bless you! I know how it feels, iv been there, and if it gives you any reasurrence, we came out of it the other side shining! First of all, i know how hard it is just to pick them up when your pregnant, its so much easier than up down up down trying to comfort them. But i found everytime Madi whinged to be up, i just sat on the floor next to her, she would sit on my lap but she eventually didnt bother because she knew she wasnt going to get picked up. It was also quite nice sitting my fat pregnant bum on the floor for five mins

I found ALOT changed when we had the baby, but for the better. You cant physically do it when you have two, she they just HAVE to learn to get along. I found she regressed a bit when i had him, if he had a bottle, she wanted juice in a bottle, and if he had a dummy, she wanted hers. But things do get better. I would advise, to just give him the dummy if he wants it. You have his whole life to take it away.. my DD stil has a dummy. She would have it in all day if i let her, but i do try to limit it a little. They will give them up when there ready too.

I hope things get better for you hun i really do. Whatever happens, in a very short while, hes going to have to learn to share you, so as horrible as it sounds, maybe now you gotta be cruel to be kind and just let him get on with it....