The Talk. .

Discussion in 'Kids & Teenagers' started by housewifey, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. housewifey

    housewifey Well-Known Member

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    Peeking over from toddler section as I only have a 2 year old :)

    Just watched 'Diary of a teenage virgin' and it got me wondering what everyone's approach to having the sex talk will be? Or will you not?

    Believe it or not, my mother has NEVER talked to me about sex, the result? When I felt ready for sex, I was too scared to go to the doctors to go on the pill, in case she found out! I used condoms occasionally but was mostly having unprotected sex. I got pregnant at 18 and had a miscarriage :( much too young to be dealing with pregnancy with a new boyfriend never mind the loss of a child that nobody wanted me to have.

    My approach with my daughter will be much more open. I will talk about sex with her and I want her to know that it is okay to have sex as long as she is protected and in a safe environment, doesn't feel pressured by the boy or peers. Also that she can come to me with any questions, queries, concerns etc she has about sex, realtionships etc.

    My OH however will need convincing as he believes we can lock her in her room and she won't have sex until she is 25!

    So any opinions???
     
  2. alicecooper

    alicecooper 1 girl, 3 boys

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    I dunno. My mother also never had "the talk" with me. Well she explained about periods and menopause but never about sex.
    I learnt about sex from a friend when I was 8.

    My DD is 8 and she knows about periods and menopause and childbirth and pregnancy... but not sex yet. Well I don't think so anyway. Certainly DH and I haven't brought it up.
    TBH I'm not ready to tell her. She's my little girl and I'm just not ready for her to know. I don't want to have that conversation with her. But on the flip side I don't want to avoid it forever and have her find out from other kids.

    I dunno it's a hard question. What's the right age? 8? 9? 10? 11? I have no bloody clue.

    *sticks head in sand*
     
  3. housewifey

    housewifey Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I would deffo bring up periods, menopause, prganancy and childbirth before. I was hoping to wait until about 14 before having the actual sex talk but it's not realistic, I know through friends little sisters etc that they are talking about sex between friends at 10 and 11! It's a shame how quickly they grow up! Also I don't think their is a right age, it depends on the maturity and understanding of the child also :(
     
  4. kerrie24

    kerrie24 me,him and 3 lo's

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    My parents never spoke to me either.Even stillI knew what I was doing when I got pregnant at 17,butI have never made an issue of things like that and if my kids ask questions they get honest answers.Im hoping that by reiterating how hard it is raising kids I will never have to deal with becoming a grandma at 37 like my mum did.
     
  5. housewifey

    housewifey Well-Known Member

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    I always wanted my mum to talk to me but I was too embarrassed to bring it up assuming she was to embarrassed too! Hopefully my daughter will have an openness with me! I don't want to be a granny at 39! o thanks!
     
  6. Vonnie18

    Vonnie18 Mum of 3

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    My eldest son is 10 and they are getting basic sex education at school. Both my boys know what sex is between school and their friends so when they ask us questions we tell them the truth. I don't see the point in telling them lies or keeping things from them as I'd rather they feel they could come and talk to us about anything. I couldn't ever do that with my Mum x
     
  7. housewifey

    housewifey Well-Known Member

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    yeah I don't agree with cotton wooling it and telling lies. if they feel mature enough to ask a question then they will surely be mature enough to hear the answer :) xx
     
  8. RachA

    RachA Well-Known Member

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    My approach at the moment is to answer questions as they arrive.
    My son has been told a few basics about periods as he's seen my changing my pads etc. when he asks questions I try to answer as truthfully as possible whilst taking into account how much he needs to know.

    My mum talked to me about periods etc but not much about sex. However I attended church (and still do) and therefore knew about the ideal of waiting until being married etc. as I never dated anyone that wasn't a Christian I never felt pressurised into sex. However I did have sex prior to being married but that was because we were engaged and so I felt it was right.
     
  9. lindseymw

    lindseymw Mother of two boys

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    Hopefully I don't have to deal with this for a while!

    My parents never had 'the talk' with me. I knew about it from School/friends. I was still responsible when I started having sex though. Went on the Pill, used condoms etc.

    I'm planning on doing the talk when Joshua is around 9ish. Kids learn far too much random stuff from other children (if you have sex standing up, you can't get pregnant!) from quite an early age. I would rather they knew the facts from fiction. I'm planning on a basic talk and let them ask whatever questions they want.
     
  10. housewifey

    housewifey Well-Known Member

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    Yup I heard the if you have sex standing up you don't get pregnant! and also if you pee immediately after sex then you won't get pregnant! haha! YEs definitely need to sort fact from fiction. It is so scary how young kids have sex these days!
     
  11. AC1987

    AC1987 Mom of 2 DD's

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    My mom couldn't talk to me about ANYTHING. Well I will say she tried to explain a period and I just was clueless to what she was telling me :haha:

    I plan on telling my daughter everything when I feel she has reached the age where she'll comprehend it. Well first I'll tell her about her own body like periods and such :thumbup: but like you I have a LONG way to go.
     
  12. seoj

    seoj Our family of four...

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    I approach it with my SD like my Mom did with me- and I'll do the same with my LO as she grows... lucky, my SD is very honest and we have an open relationship- we can talk about anything and everything (she wasn't/isn't able to talk to her bio-mom about these things since she's not around as much and not exactly made the right decisions in life). Even if it's a bit "tough" on me sometimes knowing how much she hears!- LOL- I suck it up as I'm the adult. If she asks questions, I'm always honest with her (age appropriate of course)-- and as kids grow, they do see and understand things on new and different levels- so it's not a "one time" chat. I've had MANY over the years with my SD- who's now 16. So even more important now! LOL. I always just take the opporunities as they arrise-- if she mentioned someone at school told her something about sex (or along those lines)- we have a candid conversation. I want her to value her viginity- not hide it away till she's 25 (not exaclty realistic) haha- but I want her to know her feelings and body are important and should be respected at all times by any guy she dates. Period. I want her to be self assured and empowered to stand up for herself. Which, although not just about sex, I think it's all connected.

    IDK- my Mom was always open and honest with me. Candid if needed. And I really appreciated that- and the friends who's parents didn't talk to them about sex or relationships were the ones doing it at 14 and taking risks they shouldn't have. While I was older (not old I was almost 18 and in a commited relationship with my first real boyfriend for 2yrs)-- so this is just my own experience... and two cents, for what that's worth ;)
     
  13. LaughOutLoud

    LaughOutLoud Well-Known Member

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    Excellent way of putting it and the best way IMO too :thumbup:

    Im always age appropriate honest with DD and though she is only about to be 4 in a week, I want to continue with this approach. My mum never spoke to me about anything and I struggled so much, more so in my adult life as I didnt know who to turn to for advice. Re sex, dont know when the time will come when we have to talk about it but im sure when it does it will be something discussed and come back to time and again. I learnt about sex when at primary school so before I was 10 and I was so shocked at what grown ups did! :haha:
     
  14. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    For sure. My kids knew when they were five. I mean, whats the big deal? Its not shameful, or dirty. We dont have to go into a porn like version if it. Basically said it like this

    When a woman and a man love each other very much, they sometimes like to kiss and hug. A mans penis gets hard, and it goes in the vagina. They do this to show love and sometimes to make a baby. A mans penis has the sperm, and the woman has the egg. The egg needs the sperm to make a baby, so that is one reason why the penis goes in there.

    I said something like that. It really doesnt need to be a big deal. My kids have a puberty/sex/hormones book each (geared for either boy or girl) and they know (because I tell them) that they can ask me questions.

    I want my children to know about their bodies, the functions, and not feel ashamed or dirty. Its like talking about why we brush our teeth, or why our elbows are rough. Its not a secret.

    We also have talked about ok touching, not ok touching (anything that makes us feel uncomfortable) and thats importnant too, to prevent abuse, which can happen at ANY age, so imo, the ealier they know these rhings, the better and safer they will be.
     
  15. housewifey

    housewifey Well-Known Member

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    Yeah perfect! You're totally doing the right thing :) What you said too seoj, sounds like you're all doing great with your children already :)
     
  16. alicecooper

    alicecooper 1 girl, 3 boys

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    Wow. I guess we're very different because I think that's way too much information for a child of 5 and totally unnecessary for them to know that a penis enters a vagina at this age. Why do they need to know so young? A 5 year old has no sexual urges so it simply isn't necessary to be so specific.
     
  17. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    Different? lol.... Well, I don't have two heads....and Im not slutty. Is there something wrong with the function of a penis and vagina? My kids asked how a baby was made (I was pregnant), so, I told them. But the sex education curriculum gives the same info in schools, which starts at 5 years. My friend is actually a sex educator and says the earlier, the better. She teaches sex ed in primary schools, and she provided me with advice, books, and resources on how to answer my children's questions. Sounds pretty normal to me!
     
  18. Kate&Lucas

    Kate&Lucas & OH & Mush

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    I've not really thought about it. My mum was really open with us so we could ask her anything, I don't ever remember one specific 'talk' but I knew what happened from a young age.
    I don't mind being cutesy about it for now though. As far as Lucas is concerned, daddy put him in mummy's belly where he stayed until he grew big enough to come out. How did he get in there? Through the belly button of course :blush:

    I've not planned to talk about anything specific at any one time, I'll just tell him gradually when I feel he needs to know.

    Where I used to work we once somehow got onto a discussion about the birds and the bees, quite a few of the fellas (late 20s-30s) genuinely believed that a woman couldn't get pregnant if she was on top :rofl:
    The responses from many of the mothers on our team were just amazing :lol:
     
  19. alicecooper

    alicecooper 1 girl, 3 boys

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    We're different in our approach, and in what we think is age appropriate.
     
  20. Lostio

    Lostio Member

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    I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

    I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

    I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

    In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

    The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
     

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