The wrong thing to say to a TTCer! Tell us here ;-)

[TTCisapain]

This is a great thread ... Me and DH had m/c at 7 weeks also with our first one. Were TTCing for 14 mths before that and have been TTCing for 5 months since. My most annoying one is "at least you know you can get pregnant" which has come out of almost everyone's mouth. To be honest, I thought the same way before I got pregnant about other friends who had m/c'd ... such the wrong thing to say ...

Also, it will happen when it is meant to be ... I know that is true, but to hear it from people who got pregnant while on the pill or who didnt even have to try is kinda annoying.

 

[Coconuts]

TTCisapain, it's like reading my own post! Even my DH has said 'at least we can get pregnant'. Even me but after the m/c it's like the goal post has shifted. The anxiety has moved on from 'will I ever get a BFP' to 'will I even go full term'. I totally understand where you're coming from. While it's a relief to know everything works up to a certain point. The BFP is just the beginning. ARGH! Not for the faint hearted, and I get the 'relax' comment from one friend who had an 'oooops' baby and everyone else isn't even TTC!

 

[dozydormouse]

TTCisapain & Coconuts - confession to make, I said the exact thing to a friend yesterday! She's a dear, close friend, very frank and open and not easy to offend, but I still kicked myself for saying it. I meant it to be comforting and I think she knows it, but maybe not the thing to say.

 

[motherofboys]

Yeah I hate the least you know you can get pregnant. With my 3rd I was only trying 12 months (which was the longest I had tried for any of them at that point anyway) and I had one lot of friends saying "well at least you know that you can get pregnant" and another lot saying "well maybe there was a complication when you were giving birth last time which they didnt detect because you (insert the word iresponsibly) had a home birth and you should go to the docters"

 

[ttcbambino#1]

We're ttc'ing our second, and we're truly blessed, but really want another child. The comment we hear a lot from other people if we say we'd love another is that 'well at least you have Liv, so it doesn't matter if you don't have more' which is very true and we don't take her for granted, but doesn't stop us desperately wanting a second!

 

[motherofboys]

I sometimes feel so guilty for wanting more children when I already have 3 and then moaning when it takes ages, because I have friends who due to one thing or another cant have any or any more children. I feel selfish. But I cant fight the feeling that we are not yet done.

 

[ttcbambino#1]

I sometimes feel so guilty for wanting more children when I already have 3 and then moaning when it takes ages, because I have friends who due to one thing or another cant have any or any more children. I feel selfish. But I cant fight the feeling that we are not yet done.

I feel the same, sometimes feel like I can't say how I really feel in case I upset someone, and I wouldn't want that as we are lucky to have our DD. But we're not done either, we both want a sibling for our DD she'd be an amazing big sister and a new baby would complete our little family.

Best of luck to you xx

 

[plastikpony]

My mom gave me a pearler a while back!! We were with my parents for the weekend, and it coincidentally happened to be our 9 month anniversary. When we told my folks, "Hey, guess what? Today we've been married for 9 monhts!" my mom piped up and said "Oh really? Nine months and nothing to show for it!!"

She meant it to be funny, and at that stage it was since we werent even trying yet. But looking back now I just get annoyed coz it's been a rough road for us!

 

[mellywelly]

I actually don't mind people saying at least I know I can get pg, because thats how I actually feel. I now just have to solve how to make it sticky!

 

[julesjules100]

Ok, mine isn't anywhere near as bad as some above but what bothers me is when friends think that it's really easy for EVERYONE to get pregnant. We went out with another couple last week who don't know our problems or that we're having assisted fertility treatment - over dinner she announced that she was unexpectedly pregnant again (which I was thrilled for her to hear) but then that she wasn't really best pleased and then, after asking if we're TTC, the two of them started going on about the fact that all we need to do was drink lots of champagne on nights we're trying and wear Myla underwear. "Nobody can fail with that". It was the lack of consideration/short-sightedness that bothered me....

 

[motherofboys]

I have a friend (well I call her that, really she has a daughter with my brother, but they split up 6 years ago, so I cant not be her friend or I dont see my niece, but as an actual friend boy does she suck) who ALWAYS manages to fall pregnant, by accident, while I'm TTC. And goes on about how awful it is, and goes for an abortion, and says that she hasnt told anyone else but me and I have to be her support. Now if someone is going to have an abortion thats their choice nothing to do with me, but when I want something dont tell me you have got it by accident and thrown it away.

 

[Mrs Bee]

Number one worst thing is 'relax it will happen' closely followed by 'stop trying so hard'... I'd hardly call having unprotected sex trying hard!
And right now the line is 'oh your young' it may be true but its insensitive when you have been trying for longer than 6 months!

 

[silmarien]

"You can't afford a kid, anyway...."

Yeah, that one made me see RED.

THIS! UGH! Even DH whines about this when he's in a bad mood.

 

[motherofboys]

Along the lines of not being able to afford a kid is the "where will you put another one?" because our house is quite small

 

[Coconuts]

Yikes, there are some corkers here!

Dozy, don't worry, I even said it at one point until I realized that it was small comfort.

 

[sugarpi24]

my one friend knows i had been trying since June and she randomly texts me up one day and asks how my testing is going and i said well im not pregnant yet so not good i guess...and shes like oh well that sucks...i asked her whats new and shes like " oh a lot actually me and my Bf are getting married here in a few months (even though she cheated on him and he didnt know it...but broke up with her for another thing she did..but are now back together) and shes like and the reason why im doing in it a short time is cuz i just found out im pregnant!" its like WTF! she told me a few months back that she didnt want to get married or have children for a while...maybe never...its like REALLY>>!>>!>!>!>!>!>! GRR! made me so mad im not speaking to her! its not that she got pregnant its the way she told me...its like she wasnt considerate of my feelings especially when she JUST asked me if i was pregnant yet!! its like GRR! some ppl!!! okay im done ranting lol

 

[countrylass]

I have had a collection of "special comments". I work at the head office of a global company, so I speak to a lot of company branches each day. Over the last 18 months there been a phenomenon where 12 women in my building have fallen pregnant. The two women I work with are included in that.
Whenever someone brings the subject up the conversation always goes as follows:
Them: I hear (enter name of latest preggers woman) is pregnant. What's going on a head office? is there something in the water?

Me: There must be *laughy laughy jokey jokey blah blah*

Them: So are you next?

Me: Probably not. (I don't tell anyone at work that we're TTC)

Them: Oh. I bet you've got plenty of time for all that... How old are you?

Me: 31.

Them: And you don't have children yet?? Oh you need to drink the water there!

Me: *head-desk*.


I always feel like answering with "Well, my ovaries don't seem to work, my boyfriend is a jaffa, but hey, I'll drink that water". LOL.

Ironically, my Mom has her own special kind of comment. Which is usually "You're too young to have children". WTF??? I'm 32 in 2 months, my bloke is 37!

You have to smile at these people!

 

[sugarpi24]

lol wow countylass....that would make me mad and be like really...do you think before you speak?!?! some ppl i guess just dont understand what us women are going through!

 

[sugarpi24]

and as to affording a kid...your never going to be able to afford a kid...if you wait til then...youll never have one!

 

[Magan85]

I wish I had never told anyone that my OH and I were trying but my damn big mouth told a bunch of people cuz I was so excited because I wanted for a year for OH to be ready! I just had someone ask me so how itw going? Then I told her and she said im stressing to much and to stop... ya ok i wish there was an on and off switch...
then she told me well my doctor told me to have sex only on one day between cycle day 12 and 20.. it worked for me! So i replied well my OH doesnt really want to wait that long to have sex.. he is a man after all ... to which she replied "well if he wants to get you pregnant then hes gonna have to do it" ... cuz thats the only way it will happen.. and last time i checked old spermies arent the best..