Things That Are Robbing Me Of My Happiness Right Now

[PrettyInInk42]

- So many pregnancies end in miscarriages. I've known a bunch women who have had them (including my mom and sister). The 1st trimester is so nerve racking.

- Then there's the potential of late term miscarriages.

- And then, once they're born, SIDS.

- The father (my friend with benefits) doesn't know yet. He's always said he doesn't want kids, so he's gonna be pissed. I wouldn't be surprised if he never wants to see me again once he knows.

- Then all the (mainly financial) struggles of being a single mom.

Just trying to be a realistic here and emotionally preparing myself for if the worst happens in all this.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. : /

 

[Beccaboop]

Wow as well as the usual scary stuff you've got extra things to worry about. I don't really have any advice as I'm not in your situation but didn't want to read and run so I'm going to leave a

 

[Baby4MeRenee]

I can see why you would be worried, but the worrying isn't going to make things any better. It's hard to say be calm and hope for the best because I'd probably be the same if it were me, but I hope the baby is healthy and happy in all aspects of their life. As far as the father and him not wanting kids, I hope that the news of the pregnancy will change his mind about that. Every child deserves both parents and if he knew how hard it is for single moms (financially as well), and if he cares and loves you (even as just friends) then he wouldn't put you in the position of being a single mom. In some way I can relate to that part because my boyfriend told me he didn't want anymore kids, as he has 1 already, but when I brought the subject up and asked how he would feel if I became pregnant, he had a change of heart and said he would be happy. It's not like we did anything to prevent pregnancy anyway because we never use protection. But I hope he has a change of heart too and embrace the baby and be in the baby's life.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Big hugs Anxiety is horrible. I hope that the father will be supportive and will want to be in the baby's life

 

[Talia12]

Bless you, sending hugs. I am so worried about miscarriage this time round too, and I was the first time. My mum and sister have had them too and I'm already so worried about this little bean. This may make you feel even worse but I decided with my last pregnancy (now healthy three year old): first trimester is one long heart attack. It just is. The baby's not kicking yet so you've got nothing to reassure you. Try to accept that now and then you won't beat yourself up for being worried - we're all here in first tri in the same boat.
Worrying about miscarriage is just the first step on a lifelong journey of worry and love. You will never stop worrying about your baby. You will worry about them all through pregnancy and when they're a baby, toddler, child, teenager and adult. But we have to enjoy them too - and that includes first tri. The most likely thing is that your baby will be completely fine.
The baby's dad might react completely differently from how you think - but either way, you will be alright because you are everything your baby needs and more. Hugs

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Thank you everyone.

Oh, believe me, Talia, I know all about worrying. My mom's a pretty big worrier. I'm hoping I'll be a little more of a go-with-the-flow kind of parent, but it'll be hard. I just keep trying to remind myself "If it's meant to be, it will be".

And the father knows all about being raised by a single mom. His father was/is kind of an alcoholic, and they didn't see each other too often. It's one thing if a guy has a "one and done" mentality, but he has no kids and every time we're near a screaming kid, he is not happy. However, he'll point out babies to me and interact with toddlers from afar on occasion. I guess I'll see how things go, but I'm not gonna get my hopes up.

One last thing I forgot to say above was that even though I know I'll have the support of my mom (whom I live with), my kids will never know my dad. He passed away unexpectedly in January of this year. He was lucky enough to meet my sister's son, but my kids will never know how fun and fantastic he was. But if I'm even half the parent that he was, my kids will be lucky.

 

[UnderPressure]

100% honesty: parenting is hard and parenting is SCARY. but.... It is also beautiful and amazing and priceless.

The father will be happy or he won't--but that's not for you to worry about. Your job is to tell him because he deserves to know, and let him figure out how to react. I would tell him sooner rather than letter, though, because I can imagine him being as upset about not being told sooner.

I hear you on all your worries. When I was pregnant I worried about miscarriage, still birth, other issues and towards the end wanted my baby OUT so I could see he was ok. Once he was bor, it shifted... Is he getting enough to eat, can I trust these doctors, can I trust myself, and if he fell asleep--is he breathing? I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I sat up and stared at him watching him breathe and just waiting for him to wake up again.

But, bottom line? It's all about the ridiculous overwhelming love for your child and that's irreplaceable.

 

[Wish85]

Bubs daddy might completely surprise you when he finds out. I'm not a maternal person with other kids but when it comes to mine I think they're the best thing since sliced bread - as I'm sure all parents do!

I know it's easier said than done but worrying really doesn't change the outcome of anything and it's better to cross the bridge when you get to it rather than wonder about all the what-if's. Now, if I could just take my own advice

 

[DobbyForever]

I have nothing enlightening to say but just came to give solidarity. You pretty much just typed out my life except SO knows and already told me to get rid of it or get rid of him. I'll let you figure out who I got rid of. Honestly if he sticks around because of a pregnancy is that what you want? My SO and I were ttc and shit hit the fan, but truth be told I don't want him with me just because we are pregnant. If and when someone chooses to be with me I want them to want it wholey and genuinely not out of guilt or duty

 

[xdxxtx]

Oh, you are so sweet. There is nothing more beautiful that an expectant parent already loving their future child. You will kill this mommy thing. Don't you worry about that. Having been through the first trimester four times, going on five, my philosophy is this... bear with me; it's probably a little corny. I want my baby to feel joy, not fear. I want my baby to feel loved. If something goes wrong, and my baby doesn't get to be with me outside of my body, I know that I gave that baby the happiest, healthiest environment I could. I know that I did my best, and I know that the baby would not have been able to live a healthy, happy life in the outside world. I am thankful for every moment I had with each of my babies. I love them from the moment I knew they were with me, and I'll love them my whole life. That's honestly the best we can do.

I am thinking of you. You will be such a wonderful parent, and your child will be so loved and so lucky to have you. I am sure of it. If your co-parent doesn't want to be a part of the child's life, then your child is better off without him. No doubts there, either.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ooo and more solidarity my father passed away when I was four, but my mom is supportive. So I can relate. I really hope your SO steps up. Mine also was so cute with kids and disliked ill behaved children. I do hope he surprises you. You never know. Hugs

The only thing that helped me was Wish's advice that in this moment I am pregnant and I can enjoy it or not, but I am. And once baby is here life is too fleeting to stress. Just make educated decisions and do your best. Hugs

 

[Wish85]

Ooo and more solidarity my father passed away when I was four, but my mom is supportive. So I can relate. I really hope your SO steps up. Mine also was so cute with kids and disliked ill behaved children. I do hope he surprises you. You never know. Hugs

The only thing that helped me was Wish's advice that in this moment I am pregnant and I can enjoy it or not, but I am. And once baby is here life is too fleeting to stress. Just make educated decisions and do your best. Hugs

 

[DobbyForever]

I really do tell myself that every day. It's the only way I have been able to enjoy this pregnancy anxiety free. Thank you.

 

[Norwegian7]

I'm so sorry you're in that situation! The first trimester gives us enough things to worry about as it is. I don't have any advice, but I'm here for emotional support, and I'm on the same page with all the pregnancy worries. *hugs*

 

[hazelpanda]

I can see why you would be worried...parenting in all stages is full of so many questions and fears. But I would encourage you to try to be as positive as possible. the father may be upset at first, but given time he might come around. Especially after the baby is born.

Hang in there and try to enjoy the journey. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing even when you are miserable. ...

Do you have friends or family that can be supportive to you? do you attend church? our church does an outreach for new moms and they help with all sorts of things like diapers and formula etc.

you are not alone! don't be afraid. Just because there is a family history of some things doesn't mean it will be that way for you! Prayers from PA

 

[PrettyInInk42]

I can see why you would be worried...parenting in all stages is full of so many questions and fears. But I would encourage you to try to be as positive as possible. the father may be upset at first, but given time he might come around. Especially after the baby is born.

Hang in there and try to enjoy the journey. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing even when you are miserable. ...

Do you have friends or family that can be supportive to you? do you attend church? our church does an outreach for new moms and they help with all sorts of things like diapers and formula etc.

you are not alone! don't be afraid. Just because there is a family history of some things doesn't mean it will be that way for you! Prayers from PA

I'm not religious and I haven't told any friends or family yet. I'd like to wait til I'm at least out of the first trimester. There've been a couple close friends I wanted to tell, but in the past, I've found if I get really excited about something and tell a ton of people, the thing won't end up happening. Basically, I'm afraid if I tell anyone I know, I'll jinx it and then have to tell them I lost it and feel like a failure cuz my body couldn't support a baby.

 

[KatO79]

Pretty I can totally relate to worrying about m/c during the whole pregnancy although it did get better after I'd gotten through the 1st tri. I hope that it's that way for you as well!

As for your friend I hope he chooses to be a part of your child's life. But if not I'm sure you'll be a great single mom! Maybe you have a male relative or friend that could step in and be a male role model?

And the father thing I know all about as my father passed away when I was 20 (he was 73) of lymphoma. So my son, now 2 months, won't ever get to meet him which is very sad but he'll in a way know my father through me as I'm half my dad and a lot like him. I find that comforting and hope you can think of it that way as well