This is about the closest I've ever been to giving up!

[SmileyKez]

I really don't know how many more cycles I can do this! I feel like my life is on hold and I just can't cope with the disappointment every month anymore!
I have been ttc for almost 3 years now, 7 cycles of clomid, 1 early mc and I just can't see the point of carrying on.

Other than mild pcos there is nothing wrong with us, so I feel like if I'm not pg after all this time, it's never gonna happen!

Having a really down day, sorry, just needed to get that off my chest!

 

[Damita]

BIG HUGS what have your doctors decided after clomid? next steps?

 

[ebony2010]

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I have been having days like that after 18 months so I can't believe how it feels after 3 years. Just wanted to reach out and give you a xxx

 

[cooch]

What investigations have you had??

 

[Amber3]

Dear SmileyKez

I hope you will cheer up again soon. As for me I am kinda permanently down by now. That I had to go off the diet was also a big dissapointment and nothing seems to work here. I hope we will just suddenly, out of the blue, soon get those two lines.
Best wishes,
Amber (ttc 4+ years)

 

[SmileyKez]

Thanks all! Hubby's SA was fine, my Hsg was fine, I've ovulated every month on 50mg of clomid. My Dr is letting me have another couple of rounds of clomid before my next appt in November, at my last appt she gave me loads of stuff on ivf as she reckons that's our next option, but she thinks we aren't quite at the 24 cycle mark, which confused me at first!
I'm just not sure about ivf, it all seems very scary and final if it doesn't work!

 

[Princess Lou]

I completely see where you are coming from. We have been trying for over three years and completed six rounds of Clomid and got nothing from it. Apparently I have PCOS also but aside from the lack of periods (hadn't had one from coming of the implant in July 2008 to starting Clomid and that was April 2011) I don't have any other symptoms.

My sister gave me something that helped me a lot as I also want to give up my hubby isn't ready to.

What do I think is meant by my infertility?

I think it is so my husband and I grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think we are meant to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think it is meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think it is meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, it is not that we are never meant for to not have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, I am meant to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let myself down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think I have been singled out for a special treatment. I think I am meant to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me why I have been handed infertility. I already know."

I hope you can find some courage from it as I have.

Wishing you all the luck in the world. XX

 

[babypink2010]

x

 

[cooch]

princess lou, I have thought DH and I are very strong and persevere with things and that is why its us and not someone else as we won't give up or be destroyed by it and others would. Here's to getting the BFP and all the pain and anguish being worthwhile. I would have always cherished my child/children but none more so than having gone through this. So thank you for your post,I think its the best way to look at things xxx

 

[StorkStalker]

Dear SmileyKez and every girl who has replied the thread... Infertility is haard.. it tries so hard to take over one´s life, over our lives as a couple, as a person, as a woman... PrincesLou you put it in beautiful words... We will get to have our babies I know... and yes, I do believe we are stronger and that´s why we have been put in this path... I didn´t know I was this strong, or even that my marriage could be this strong... Of course there have come times when I really say this is it.. I´m done... maybe each month I say something like that... but then we go on... walking the walk and doing whatever it takes, just trying and being there for each other... So please just hang in there, this forum has given me so much strenght, so many fighters here... We will all get there... and yes I believe the joy that awaits us will be bigger and stronger than any of the hyper fertile women will feel, because, as Alexandre Saint Exupery explains it so beautifully in the Little Prince book, our rose will be more special, because we have taken care of it, tried for it, waited for it, tended for it... So I think we will be rewarded well.. somehow, hopefully soon... Meanwhile this month my goal is to try not to plan my life around the possibility of me being pregnant at the end of the month -(usually I quit going to the gym on the TWW, stop carrying heavy-ish things, stop almost everything actually) and that´s my goal... my one step at a time to not let this consume me... Hopefully it wont consume anyone of us... Just don´t give up... Thankyou for the beautiful words and for reading and for posting the thread and for being there..
xoxo

 

[cooch]

StorkStalker I love your quote about the rose. Yes i do believe this too. I have been like you also stopping things in 2ww, not doing it now, my baby will come when ready, regardless of an extra bit of choc, lol

 

[Princess Lou]

For those that work out etc, studies have shown that if you do it before pregnancy, continuing to do so from conception till birth (so long as you can manage it at nine month, lol) won't have an effect on your baby so long as it's not too strenuous or extreme. Things like running, swimming, cardio etc are fine to continue. Weights, not so much. Lol. Obviously it all depends on how comfortable you are doing those things.

https://www.cowandgate.co.uk/pregnancy/nutrition_and_health/article/what_exercise_can_i_do?utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_term=exercise_in_pregnancy&utm_campaign=Pregnancy_Exercise&ppc=google-Pregnancy_Exercise-exercise_in_pregnancy

 

[SmileyKez]

Thanks for all your replies and for the lovely words, they have all given me lots of encouragement and have reminded me that I am strong enough to carry on! I called up my hospital this morning to get me second last lot of clomid! I am going to try, really try not to think about ttc this month, which I think is how I got my last bfp, and just get on with life as normal and see what happens!
Thanks again ladies, baby dust to each and every one of you!

 

[Sizzles]

Just wanted to say 'chin up' to you SmileyKez. It's soul destroying isn't it?! I hope you're having a more positive day today.

 

[FutureMommie]

Smiley- This journey does get hard, and I agree that sometimes it feels like it's going to consume you, you spend most of your months counting; counting until you ovulate, counting until af shows or doesn't show, and then counting until you can begin to try again. Their are months when I don't feel like I can go on, and i cry but then I remember how much I want this, and I know that it will happen for me. I try to imagine how excited I will be when I get that bfp, it's been such a long 3.5 year journey that I can't even fathom the excitement that I will feel even if I try. I am conviced that as some of the others have so eloquently said, although this journey is hard, I am a better person than I was before I started, I'm in a different place. I will be a better mother because of it, and no I don't mean better than the woman that has only tried two month, but I will be a better mother than what I would have been had I not had to go through this. Don't give up, I know its rough but we are here for you. Take a break if you need to but don't give up. WE will hold our babies one day, and I hope it's soon.

 

[Armywife84]

Maybe take a few month or 2 break? It helped me a little. I also see a therapist to just vent..seeing as I can't really talk to too many people(physically, virtually BNB is my support) about this.