This is going to be hard...

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by JellyBeann, Nov 19, 2011.

  1. JellyBeann

    JellyBeann Son, Daughter, 2 Angels

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    So SIL has just found out she is pregnant (she thinks about 8-10wks) and she doesn't know if she is going to keep it...:cry: and, she's in so much trouble, she's going to stay with us until she sorts her life out...I suggested it, I mean, I can't see her on the streets, but seriously...how am I going to cope, especially if she a?? :cry:
     
  2. EmmaRea

    EmmaRea Wifey/Mom Extraordinaire

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    Just as a little side-note... I am pretty sure the "a" word is off limits. I don't know the exact guidelines, but most people just put "a" word in their posts and leave it at that. :thumbup:
    I am sorry this is an issue for you. It's an issue for me, too, but my brand new SIL came into my BIL's life with a baby. I am having loads of trouble dealing with her. It's mostly my fault, but I have been way out of whack since I lost my pipsqueak. The best advice I can give you is to make sure that everything you say to her has been thought through thoroughly. And remember that she is quite a few steps behind you, in terms of experience. Sometimes, people who haven't experienced a loss don't understand the way those of us who have experienced a loss think. They have no experience to make sense of some of the things we say. So be patient as she learns her lessons. It's a hard path to take. But remember that she doesn't understand, she can't understand, and try not to fault her for it. It is better for her that she doesn't know the hurt that comes with this. Of course, I can't say anything that will make you instantly feel better, but there is a difference between making you feel better and helping you cope. I wish you well. :hugs:
     
  3. shirlls

    shirlls Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, what a horrible situation to be in when recovering from a loss. It must be really sore for you, especially when she is unsure if she is going to keep it or not, so soon after your losses. Is there not anyone else she could stay with if it got too much for you? If there is, although you wouldn't feel like doing this, and she will have her own things to deal with in her head, but maybe you could have a word with her and explain how difficult this is for you (phrased very tactfully obv)? I know it is hard, and you want to help, but for anyone recovering after a loss, this is just a bit too close to home for anyone to have to deal with.

    If she really doesn't have anywhere else to go, will it be for long she would be with you? I really can't think of an answer to this at all if this is the case :( . As she hasn't suffered a loss herself, and is in a different circumstance from you, she won't be thinking in the same way as you are, and that will undoubtedly hurt. I know it isn't exactly the same thing, but my best friend had an abortion last year, before my 2 mcs and sometimes she will mention it if I mention my mcs, as if it were the same thing, and if she mentions it, I struggle to talk with her about it as she had the choice and I didn't. Basically my point there is if you have suffered a loss, or losses, being around someone who has had an abortion can be too sore, so if this does turn out to be the choice she makes, just be careful with your own feelings and take plenty of time out for yourself.

    Similarly, if she chooses to go ahead, try to take as much time out for yourself, and keep reminding yourself it isn't going to be forever.

    Hope it all gets sorted out soon.

    xxxx
     
  4. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    I think it shows a lot about your character to take her in despite your feelings. I cannot even imagine the emotions that would stir up. But please do remember you need to take care of yourself and your feelings. I hope she finds somewhere new to stay soon so you dont have to have so many worries while you have everything else going on. If she is going to be staying for a bit, I would definitely sit her down and talk to her and make sure she understands all that you are going through as best as she can.
     
  5. JellyBeann

    JellyBeann Son, Daughter, 2 Angels

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    Thanks... everyone, really good advice!! We shall see what she is doing first off, a kind of cross that bridge when we come to it thing!
     
  6. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    Day by day girlie, its all you can do. You have a big heart, but just remember to take care of YOU too.
     

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