those of you who have had PND...

[Vic]

How did you work through it? Did it just take time or did you find that anything helped to make it better?

I'm so sick of feeling the way I do and I wish I could snap myself out of it but I can't. I feel empty and numb most of the time and I feel like I can't accomplish anything. I feel physically incapable of doing my housework and get a headache and tight chest at the thought of everything I can't keep on top of or do right.

I just want to sleep the day away and play with Eva and nothing else but you can't do that in the real world. I always feel guilty like i'm not doing enough or good enough at anything. It's so frustrating.

My antidepressants aren't helping that much, they stop me from crying but thats about it.

Does anyone have any advice or tips about what I can do to try and get through this? I hate waking up and feeling like breathing is a chore, I feel guilty for even feeling like that.

Sorry for rambling on!
xx

 

[Imi]

what was the one thing that used to make you feel FANTASTIC!!??

XXX

 

[loop]

hun i went throught the same when i had my dd
how long have u been on the tablets?

 

[Vic]

what was the one thing that used to make you feel FANTASTIC!!??

XXX

hmm... having baths when I was pregnant - that made me feel so happy!

I've been on them for almost 4weeks but all they do is stop me crying really.

The doctor just gave me another 4week sicknote.
xx

 

[Imi]

what about an item of clothing? a new way to style your hair?? new undies??

Get a bit of the old you back first then concentrate on everything else ... can't all happen at once hun

xxx

 

[Vic]

it's funny you should say that, OH bought me loads of new undies last month. I bought lots of nice clothes for my holidays and I've dyed my hair blonde! haha

Guess it's just going to take a bit of time. thanks xxxx

 

[Imi]

Buy a small bunch of your fav flowers and dot around the house, a feel good book that makes you laugh, some nice expensive bubble bath and sented candles and some moisturiser to rub all over ....

Start healing the inside and make a pact to make yourself smile at least once a day the rest will follow .... soon

xxx

 

[KX]

Just want to give you a big xxx

 

[Layla]

Vic

PND is not something you can get over by buying a few nice things, sorry hun. It will only work as a quick fix instead of getting to the deeper problem.

I suffered with it for a good 16 to 18 months after Ethan, doc put me on anti depressants but i didnt find they worked for me that well, plus i hated the thought of being dependant on them so i just stopped taking them.
I tryied counciling, looking back now, not sure if it worked or not but its defo worth a try if your offered it, even if your not offered it, maybe its worth asking your doctor about it?

Having a good suport network really helps, friends and family to help and talk to.

Thinking back to mine, im not really sure how i came out of it, i cant remember. i guess i just started to feel better on my own.

Untill that happens for you hun, there for a few of us on here that has and still do suffer from it, so im sure you can get lots of advise and suport.



xx

 

[Tezzy]

i agree wuth layla quick fixes arent the best thing

 

[Dionne]

awww hunni so sorry you are feeling this way - we used to be so close and chat every day i miss our chats

i had Anti - d for a few weeks and they made me feel worse, they numbed every feeling i had i didnt care about anything, i felt like a dead weight.

it was only a few weeks in my life i felt like it and it was horrible wouldnt wish it upon any one.

i think the best thing to do is always think possitive. every thing you do think of it as a good thing it soon helped me.

we are all here for you, there is a light at the end of this horrible dark tunnel

have you asked your doc if you can speak to some one?

 

[Imi]

Not saying buying is a quick fix, but feeling better and having good days are better than bein stuck in a perminant black hole, we all gotta start somewhere and i dont think using the aids of things that have always made you feel good is a bad thing.

xxx

 

[Vic]

Thanks for your comments everyone, it means alot to me.

Imi - bubble baths do make me feel happy for a bit so they are definitley worth a try. I also love dancing, I might look into taking some lessons or something for a bit of exercise too.

Layla - thanks for your experiences. I do think it is important to read how other people got through things. I still feel like there is nothing the matter with me and that I am faking it and being weak and stupid but I think that's another symptom isn't it. I know it sounds ridiculous but I feel like having another baby is the only thing that will lift me out of this! Is that mad?? when I found out I was pregnant before my M/C I felt so happy and content and I felt like I had something to look forward to. Is that bad? I loved being pregnant so much, it was so exciting. Now nothing really gets me excited, except maybe getting dressed up to go somewhere, but I feel cack the next morning again. Eva makes me so happy and I laugh at her all the time but its when I'm alone I really feel it.
I think you are right and it will take time, but I feel useless in the meantime and my mam and OH find it hard to understand how I feel.

Dionne - I know, I'm sorry I kinda disappeared. It sounds bad but I couldn't be bothered with anything for ages. All I wanted to do is sleep really. Even if I came on the forum I couldn't be bothered to type any replies, everything felt like a huge effort. Hopefully we can catch up soon.


I took Eva round to my mams this morning because I'm going to try and tidy up. But we had a conversation that was silly but stressed me out (it doesnt take much) now I have a tension headache and I felt all anxious and shakey because of it. That's why I have come on here to calm myself down before I start. It's so irrational.

I told the doctor I was feeling a bit better because he made me feel a bit daft, he was asking if the tablets were helping and I didn't want him to think his wonderful tablets weren't doing the trick. I might see the lady doctor next time.

I find it hard to talk to my HV because she is a bit of a hard faced type of older lady and I don't feel at all relaxed or comfortable with her.

I guess I just have to plod on. thanks everyone xx

 

[Layla]

anytime you need to talk hun you know where i am, PND is very hard and its not something that you can just 'snap out of'

It does affect your self confidence and self worth, makeing you feel utterly shit. you just got to remember you have a beautiful daughter who your doing a fab job with, she is healthy and happy and thats down to you

If you feel having another baby will lift you then go for it, the only thing i would say, is just to watch out for the feelings afterwards, will it return, and will it be worse? im not saying dont do it, not atall, just making you aware that it might not make it go away long term.

It wont last forever babe, i know its hard right now but hang in there, your doing great.

Sometimes it is hard for other people to understand when they havnt been through it themselfs, so dont feel usless just coz your Oh doesnt get it, you have people on here that you can talk too

xx

 

[Tezzy]

i know how u feel vic coz im going through the same thing. i also told the doctor the tablets were working and i havent been to see him or the hv in over 2 months coz i dont want them making me feel like shit. as you said i guess we'll just have to plos on with life. pm me if u wanna chat x

 

[Vic]

Layla - thanks hun. It does make me feel more normal talking to people who have been through how I'm feeling. My family do make me feel like I should snap out of it and probably think I'm over exaggerating sometimes. At least they did before I forced myself back to work and had a total 3day crying constantly meltdown! I only lasted for 3 days back at work. Couldn't handle it at all.

I have to go back when the 6months full sick pay runs out cos we need the money. OH is starting his own business so I need a regular wage.

I understand what you mean about feelings after baby number 2. I've wanted another one since Eva was tiny and when I started feeling really down I was scared that if I told anyone they would think I was stupid for still wanting another baby - if I can't cope with one how will I cope with 2 sort of thing. It does scare me a bit, but my GP said that sometimes your hormones can correct themselves sort of thing. At least I know what to recognise for next time and know not to push myself and try and do too much. I'll just have to go straight back on tablets if I start going down the same path. The miscarriage didn't help how I was feeling much, kinda made me slump further because I was over the moon when I did get pg.


Terrie - I'm so sorry you're feeling like this too. It sucks!! Does your PND affect your bond with LO or OH? or does it come out in another way? For me it was mainly OH it came out with but now it's coping with everyday things like cooking and cleaning. I have a great bond with Eva which I'm pleased about, but looking back I did have a few problems that I didn't pick up on along the way.

Hopefully we'll both feel better soon.

xx

 

[Tezzy]

my oh works away a lot so im with rhys on my own most of the time so i guess thats why it all started. ive found it hard coz it was my oh that wanted a family not me and now hes never here!!!! ive not bonded with rhys properly as im not very good with emotions and loving people. we'll get there though!

 

[beanie]

Well apparently I no longer have PND just good old depression (apparently it has been over a year now or something like that????) I have been on anti-d's now for months and I still have bad days. They tend not to be as severe as they were and I can usually cope with them better but it still is a struggle at times.

I think it really did affect my bond with Seren at first, I had no real feelings towards hre and would pretend so no-one would think I was bad. However since taking the tablets I have really bonded with her. I do think about having another one but I would feel too guilty as I still feel like I need to make things up to Seren.

 

[Tezzy]

awww beanie i had no idea hun... at least you're not alone! you can come moan to me anytime!

 

[Cat]

Hun the first thing I noticed from your post was that you felt bad about not doing housework etc. Now PND is an illness, its not a case of being lazy or just not wanting to do things, and when your ill you need to take it easy, not run around cleaning the house. Dont feel bad if stuff doesnt get done, it really isnt a priority, what matters most is your health and happiness. Dont ever feel afraid to talk to people, the more you get yourself out with friends and family the better, just something to get you out the house and give you something more enjoyable to do. Go to some mum and toddler groups, then you can enjoy doing something with Eva and have you meet other mums. Try to make plans each day or two to go somewhere or do something just to break your day up and make things more enjoyable. Forget thinking about what you feel you 'should' be doing and do what you want to do.