Time doesn't heal all wounds

[elmaynet]

Greetings,
I'm new here but am quite old comparitively. Today is the 25th anniversary of our loss. I was in my 24th week (possibly viable by today's standards) and the sorrow of losing that first little boy has always stayed with me. I wish that we would have had forums in those days to connect with others, it was such an isolating experience then. I was at least lucky in that I had one sister who was willing to listen and to allow me to mourn, sadly it wasn't something folks encouraged you to talk about then. I can say only that from the moment you know you are pregnant, your "mom dreams" kick in and you have viewed your child's life in your minds eye in so many ways. Even 25 years later, he is still a part of my heart. One of the things I hated hearing most at the time was "it happened for a reason", that about drove me insane! In my case however, it actually did, my daughter will celebrate her 24th Birthday tomorrow and she wouldn't be here had I carried my little boy to term and delivered him.
For all of you dealing with loss, I am so sorry, while time doesn't heal, it does soften things and I wish you all Godspeed to the place where you can find your "new normal".
Thanks for listening.
Elizabeth

 

[Sinclair]

So sorry for your loss! Regardless of how long ago it was, doesn't matter.

The words "It happens for a reason", "Everything happens for a reason". I hate them so much, but just take them. I never understood what reason it happened for that my 18weeker died. We finally got a guess in she could of had a heart defect after a lady who deals with genetics went through her autopsy during the pregnancy with my son.

Little girls are such a trigger for me, even after eight years. They're a soft spot, and a huge "why isn't she here". It seems so unfair most of the time.

But you're right, time doesn't heal all wounds. My daughter left a hole in there, whenever I look at my one and a half year old I always tell him we've need him more than he needed us.

I'm afraid of another pregnancy, even though we talked about it because I'm afraid of gender disappointment. After the second living birth it would be it for us.

 

[elmaynet]

Thanks for understanding. It's nice to realize that someone "gets it".

 

[Andypanda6570]

I posted in your other thread.. I thank God at least here, they get it..
XOXOXOOX

 

[honey915]

I'm so sorry for your loss however long ago it was. I worked with an elderly lady once who told me about her full term loss and no one else that's worked with knew about it. She just kept it to herself. So I listened to her tell me and talk about it because she clearly needed to talk about it. She said not a single day goes by when she doesn't think about her little girl that she lost. So completely tragic at any stage. 'It happened for a reason' I guess this is one of those things people say to try and rationalise such tragedies but in reality there are no words to heal or console or do anything. I'm so sorry you weren't able to talk about it to others either all because it probably made them feel uncomfortable. Thankfully times have changed. Best wishes to you xx