time for a laugh-your best Midwife lines...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by CKJ, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. CKJ

    CKJ Well-Known Member

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    Mine has to be (n I ranted on here bout it at the time) when I explained I was sore and itchy, hoping she'd take a look n all she said was 'I suggest you get a mirror' (to this day I don't know what a mirror would have confirmed to a non medical professional who already felt the damn symptoms!

    My friend (who by her skin colour is very obviously of a mixed race background) got told that in fact she was not of ethnic origin...because it didn't say so on her file n therefore wasn't true!!

    You ladies got any classics?!
     
  2. Sarah24

    Sarah24 Mummy to Finley

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    It's not the things she says really but I wasn't impressed to see that my due date was apparently confirmed as next November : /
     
  3. luz

    luz Well-Known Member

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    I went to my dr and was asking him about some pains i was feeling, thinking it was probably in my cervix that i was feeling these sharp shooting pains and he looked at me all funny and just said well, "you ain't seen nothin yet."
     
  4. crimsonsky

    crimsonsky Well-Known Member

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    .
    Jeez!!
     
  5. Mindy_mini

    Mindy_mini Mum2b of 2 under 2

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    My mw told me she didn't think I should refuse induction this time (I did with my dd until my blood pressure went up) because and I quite here "there's a good chance your baby will be still born".

    Urm, really love? Have you seen the statistics? At 42weeks its a risk of 1:3000 increasing to 3 to 4 in 3000 at 43 weeks. Hardly a dead cert is it! I did my research, whilst I know to some that risk would be too great, for me, it was acceptable to give my body a chance to go into labour naturally. I also weighed it up against the risk of needing interventions/c-section following induction and the risks of that far outweighed the risk of still birth.
     
  6. Luluchaos

    Luluchaos Well-Known Member

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    My personal favourite was in the waiting room of the clinic, waiting for a midwife appointment and this new midwife sticks her head round the door and says:
    'hello, are you Laura?'
    'yeah that's me'
    'hello, I'm the midwife'

    ...thanks... I thought you were a goose -.-

    I really have no patience for 'state the obvious' folk at the best of times...
    Needless to say my blood pressure was a bit high :p
    Patronising cow...
     
  7. Shortcake01

    Shortcake01 Well-Known Member

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    I think my favourite was at 27 weeks when I rang to question why I didn't have a Glucose test booked (having read it in my notes that she had written) and she said oh you only need this when your BMI is over 30 if no other complications. Pointed out to her that at my initial booking appointment she herself had worked out my BMI to be 34 and as she had seen me at least 5 times since then she should have worked that out for herself, I'm no skinny minx! She is lovely but I do think she is very scatty xxx
     
  8. Twinkles

    Twinkles Well-Known Member

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    WTF!!! How dare she!
     
  9. Twinkles

    Twinkles Well-Known Member

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    I think i better read this thread when im in a better mood!
     
  10. Lulu1982

    Lulu1982 Well-Known Member

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    We were disucssing my OH's unusual surname and I explained that his mum is Anglo Indian...

    Midwife: 'I'm not sure what ethnicity to put him down as'
    Me: 'he's British and white, I guess with a bit of a tan!'
    MW: 'so I shouldn't put him down as Asian?'
    Me: 'no he's definately white british'
    MW: ' ok, but I'll be in a world of trouble if you end up having a black baby!'
    Me: 'not half as much trouuble as I would!!!!'

    She also advised me a few weeks back that 'oh you're going to be an over productive mucous factory soon enough!' ... Errr thanks, I think!
     
  11. miss_divine

    miss_divine Anya's Mummy <3

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    I went to the antenatal clinic at the hospital on Monday and was greeted by the receptionist with 'Hello... are you pregnant?'

    I looked at her, looked at my HUGE bump and looked back at her again.

    I should have said no...
    xx
     
  12. nicolefx

    nicolefx Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm - I was going to ask about the same thing at my next midwife appointment :haha:. Think i'll just go to my GP now! My midwife has actually been great, i've probably just jinxed it now and get an evil old mare at my next one :blush:. x
     
  13. TTC86JMS

    TTC86JMS Well-Known Member

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    I got upset when I was admitted at 26-27weeks with contractions and the gyno came to me to tell me that at this stage there was nothing to do if I go into labour,they couldn't put in a cerclage,all they could do was investigate the cause of my preterm labour to be able to save my next baby!!!
    I broke down in tears,it was like he had given up on my baby.

    On a more cheerful note,went to my 36weeks midwife appointment yesterday.I had been dreading it,since its routine at 36weeks to repeat the High Vaginal Swab.
    I had been looking at my vajayjay in the mirror and it looked horrible to me,all swollen up and big.(OH luvs it) :blush:
    When the. midwife told me that we wuld be doing the HVS,I said

    "Oh God,I don't even want to let people see it,its gotten so ugly"

    Midwife: "says who?I haven't seen it yet!"

    So I got on the bed and took of my pants
    Midwife:"wat were you so worried about,it looks great to me.very lovely"
    Note:my midwife is a guy!! And very handsome,sometimes I think he flirts with me,and I kindda like it.really boost my confidence being fat and pregnant. :rofl:
    Am I bad???
     
  14. Odd Socks

    Odd Socks Mummy to 2 girls.

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    nothing this time round. but last time, when i was in labour & a midwife came to see me at home to assess me, i was moaning through a contraction whilst trying to manouvere myself into a comfortable position, the midwife came into the living room & asked... "are you having a contraction now?"

    no...i do this every day.

    laughing about it made the contraction a little easier!

    xx
     
  15. Frankie

    Frankie Well-Known Member

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    More from my nurse 6 weeks after my 1st birth during my 1st ever smear

    She said she could tell I had just had a baby as my cervix was nice and ripe
     
  16. babyhopes2010

    babyhopes2010 one boy one girl.perfect!

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    mdwife whilst doing a sweep. 'May i compliement you on ur cervix' WTF :shock::rofl:


    consultant appt

    Me: 'so how much would you say the baby weighs'

    cons: 'not sure but it certainly is a biggon!':shock:



    receptionist
    going in at 40+2 wks

    'corrr its holding in in there::rofl:
     
  17. Sun_Flower

    Sun_Flower Mum to 2 Beautiful Girls

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    One of my early scans, the sonographer said - "I must say you have lovely ovaries"

    erm... what do you say to that? "thanks, I work out?"
     
  18. littlelady23

    littlelady23 Mum to Bella Bear

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    lol some of these are hilarious ladies! keep em coming x
     
  19. Aapoll

    Aapoll Well-Known Member

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    Ok I totally just joined this site because of this thread and this going to make me look extremely daft but....for some reason my brain has not been processing things correctly and I keep reading things wrong. This post I read as the midwife saying are you having a contraction COW? So here I was laughing my butt off cuz I thought the midwife goofed up, then I re read and realized I goofed up! So I laughed even more. Also that post about the midwife saying the baby would probably be still born that's a terrible thing she said and I hate to admit this ( but will anyways cuz it's funny) when I first read that I thought you were saying that she said if you refused induction the baby would probably be born anyways...I was thinking well no duh! Really? Then I read the second paragraph and thought oops! Darn pregnancy brain! Anyway I haven't had any funny things said to me yet and I am pregnant with my third but just thought I would reply and hopefully make somebody giggle over how dumb I can be haha
     
  20. EstelSeren

    EstelSeren Married Mum of 2!

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    I have a few:
    From the gyno when I had an internal scan due to my dates being wrong and them not being able to find baby on the abdominal scan: "You did get pregnant naturally, right?" "Yeah..." "Good, good. Your ovaries must be in here somewhere then!"

    When I got a random phone call from one of the midwives at the antenatal clinic: "Your bloodwork's come back and your iron's a bit low so we'll sort you out with some iron tablets." "OK...but I got my blood results back at my 28 week appointment last month and they were fine." "What's your address?" *I tell her.* "Oh, sorry! Got the wrong Rebecca Davies!" :dohh:

    At my home visit appointment on Monday all I got from the midwife when we mentioned my next appointment at 38+5 was "Oh, if you get that far!" or some variation of that! Way to make the first time parents to be a little nervous that things might be imminent! She's definitely forgiven for that one though because she also told me that my birth plan was the easiest she's ever seen and that she wishes more were like it! :happydance:

    Beca :wave:
     

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