To share a room or not to share a room...

[DobbyForever]

The problem is my mom doesn't like him because he initially bailed/is an aspie and he refuses to stay at her house because he's weird with family/personal space I want to yell at them both and be like this isn't about your pettiness get over it lol but I can't

 

[misspriss]

My husband and I currently sleep with both our kids, all in one king sized bed, all night, every night. That is two adults, an almost 4 year old, and a 22 month old. He hasn't lost his job. We have coslept with both of them from the start, so not just in the same room in the same bed or in a bed butted up against ours so they are like one bed.

That being said, we are working on moving the kids to their own bed before baby #3 arrives. We may be crazy but we aren't that crazy....

 

[Scout]

You'll figure it all out. It's hard to know what's going to work before baby because nothing seems to go as planned LOL I am single and no one stayed with me after having daughter. It was awful, exhausting and I swear I thought I couldn't make it thru another day/night more times than I can count, but I did. If you've got SO there with you, then by george he'd be helping out! I had a vaginal delivery so easy peasy recovery, but I've heard c-section recovery is hard. A friend who had one had to have her hubby bring the baby to her for feeds becuase it was too painful for her to lift the baby, so take all the help you can get. If you think your mom would be more helpful to you and baby than SO, think about possibly going there for the first few days at least. And i agree with others about not worrying about noise with baby. I vacuumed and did everything I normally do and spent many nights feeding while watching tv.

Like I said, you'll figure out what works for you Congrats and best of luck with your baby boy.

 

[jessmke]

There's no way I would have been able to put my newborn in another room from me. Even with her in the same room right next to my bed I was still waking multiple times at night to make sure she was ok. She slept in our room until she was 4 months old, then she went into her crib in her room and I slept in there with her until she was 6 months old (there is a queen sized bed next to her crib in her room). My OH would sleep in the room with us on his days off and sometimes on work days, but if he felt he needed some extra sleep then he would sleep on his own in another room. He works longs 12 hr shifts and he managed just fine without ever risking being fired. I breastfed so he didn't have to get up during night wakings and he learned to manage with a bit less sleep, your OH might just have to adjust a bit and go to bed slightly earlier to compensate for a bit of a disturbed night's sleep. If you guys are super into gender roles that's fine if it works for you, but that doesn't mean he isn't a father. He will have to adjust his lifestyle to accommodate the baby, even if the majority of the baby's care falls on your shoulders. If you have a c-section then it might be really difficult for you to bend over to get the baby in/out of the crib or bassinet and to carry the baby, so your OH might have to bring baby to you for night feeds while you are recovering.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah, we've talked about c-section recovery and how I would need him to help out if I do end up coming home. He actually offered up things like getting the baby for me and helping out with diapers. I'm the one who doesn't like that. Like tired as I may be some days, I don't like him taking care of house and home stuff. It irks me. I enjoy cleaning and cooking and pouring his beer. But if baby will adjust to sleeping with all the noise and light then I'm not too worried. But I think we'll do a bed in the nursery as well in case someone does decide to stay with us to help or he needs some space or I need some space lol. I have been looking into upgrading the master to a king, so we could move the queen in there.... hmmm... oh well I have 4 months to figure it out hahaha

 

[Disneyfan88]

I wouldn't purposely leave the lights on late at night when the baby should be sleeping, but I wouldn't tiptoe around the baby, either. If you leave the lights on, there could be too much stimulation in the room to allow for healthy sleeping habits to develop. I really think your SO will be too tired to be up late playing video games at night anyway - you will both be grateful for any chance of sleep you can get.

 

[LoveCakes]

The advice here (U.K.) is to room share for 6 months to reduce SIDS risk. It's partly due to things like them hearing you breathe and matching your greathingbto regulate their own.

I find my hubby (and most of my friends OH) have an amazing ability to sleep through night wakings even when they're right beside you.another bed for either you or him if things get tough is a good idea.

Plus I have a stressful job and made it through a year when I went back to work with a toddler who frequently woke and was pregnant. I did struggle with tiredness occasionally but you learn to cope.

 

[gingmg]

The new baby will be right next to me. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Hearing you breathe is what protects them from SIDS, they sync up with you.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I'd keep the baby in with you. It's recommended for a reason and will make middle of the night feedings much easier too. Your SO can sleep on the couch if necessary for a few months, or in the baby's room. It's not ideal, but parenthood comes with sacrifices and I'm sure he'll adapt.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

I'll definitely be doing room sharing. Mainly for the SIDS risk and the convenience for BFING, but also cuz we're a little short on space at my house.

As for the noise issue, it's pretty loud in the womb, so babies are generally used to all of that.

 

[Demotivated]

to be honest, if someone has to move out of the room, it should be your SO, and not the baby!

 

[KatO79]

DH and I had our son in our room for the first 4-4½ months but then moved him to his own room because we were all 3 getting poor sleep at one point and it improved things a lot. My health visitor knows and had no issues or concerns with us doing it. Would never have been able to keep him in our room for 12 months as there's simply no room in our bedroom for a crib, the cradle could already barely fit That being said, I'd keep baby in your room for as long as possible.

As for c-sections, I had one in October last year (planned because they thought he was a big baby of 4.7 kg although he ended up being only a tad over 4.0 kg). While you will be sore you should be able to pick up your own baby. My DH did pretty much all of the work the first 36 hours or so but then I chipped in. You can lift baby's weight but no more than that (so e.g. not baby in a car seat), that's what I was told by all the midwives and doctors. Also I was recommended to start walking and moving around as quickly as possible, it helps you recover faster. When we left the hospital after 6 days (had huge issues with getting breastfeeding going so that's why we stayed longer than the 2 days recommended) I was lifting him myself. So there's no reason why you can't carry your baby yourself shortly after the section, I did!

 

[xxmyheartxx]

I've had all 3 of mine in with me for the 1st 12 months, that's just my preference, I find it easier for me for feeding etc, it's never affected hubby, he could sleep through anything.

 

[Twag]

Your SO could always do what my DH does and wear ear plugs!!!

Also make as much noise as you can when baby is around because it is much better in the long run I used to hoover etc when mine were sleeping and always had them around a lot of noise and they can sleep through anything in fact I had to get a loud white noise machine for my daughters room as the silence kept her awake!

My friend made sure everything was silent when he DD went to sleep and now you can barely even talk downstairs when she is asleep upstairs in case you wake her (she is 3 btw) it is crazy

 

[DobbyForever]

He jokes his boss suggested a more "herbal" solution than ear plugs I said as long as he does it in the backyard, dumps his clothes in the washer immediately, and showers before coming upstairs idgaf

At this point I worry more about the baby adjusting to his erratic sleep schedule and noise making but he did start his new job and is trying to get onto my sleep schedule

 

[KatO79]

At this point I worry more about the baby adjusting to his erratic sleep schedule and noise making but he did start his new job and is trying to get onto my sleep schedule

Baby will get used to the noise and at one point just sleep through it I don't think it's good to keep things completely quiet either, then you end up with a baby/child that can only sleep when it's super quiet which isn't good for them

 

[blablamana]

Either way, just find something that works for you.

My son was premature (slightly) and definitely had the good old premature grunting thing. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. I couldn't sleep at all and I pushed through it for months until my whole body was done with me. Now he is in his own room and sleeping much more soundly, he was bothered by me not being able to sleep as well. We kept each other awake.
With this baby I'll try again (in a dockatot) but if it turns out the same, I won't be an insomniac for 5+ months again. We both need our sleep.

And as others have said, noise is good. They get used to it super quickly (and new-newborns aren't bothered by ANYTHING so good time to get them used to it anyway).

My cousin couldn't handle the baby sleeping in with them after two days lol and that baby is a happy 11 month old, healthy, bonded great and breastfed very very well as well.

 

[squirrel.]

We had ours in the room with us till 11 months with both of them. 6 months would have been good, but circumstances with moving house and redecorating meant they stayed a bit longer. By 11 months they really were disrupting our nights and being so close to me meant they wanted to comfort feed all night (I fed both till around 13 months).

In the beginning, I wouldn't have had it any other way though. I hated being apart from them and used to feel comforted with them right at my side. In the end, we ended up co-sleeping, though we never set out to do so with either one. It was just way easier and meant I got more sleep, which made the days easier.

My husband found that our kids didn't used to wake him up when they were little babies. I would usually be able to get to them both by the snuffling stage before they started crying as I slept so lightly (and still do I think) when they were born. He also had earplugs in and enjoyed perfect nights' sleep every night! Lucky thing! We'll be sharing our room with this one again this time. We had a cosleeper crib with our daughter, which we'll use again as for the third time, I'm not setting out to cosleep. If this one can seep in its own crib that'll be better all round, but it'll still be right next to me. I can't imagine it any other way!!

 

[vaniilla]

to be honest, if someone has to move out of the room, it should be your SO, and not the baby!

This is what I was going to say, baby should room share with you, if he finds it's disturbing his sleep he should sleep in another room.

 

[DobbyForever]

I'd rather change rooms. It's just my personal style, if a small sacrifice has to be made then I would rather make it than have it made for me. Just not who I am/not my beliefs.

I know the noise is alright and light should be fine, I just worry about it affecting development. But I'm sure we'll figure it out and it'll work out and I'm freaking out over nothing lol