Toddler wakes up 10+ times at night -- AGH!

[Feronia]

She's 15 months, and this is her normal. She's never been any different (besides a few lucky times where she only woke up maybe 4 times). We bedshare and breastfeed, and she isn't teething right now (it's far worse when she is). We have a routine at night where we darken rooms and play softer music around 7, I put her in pajamas, brush her teeth, and do a bedtime story. Then I nurse her at around 7:30, but unlatch her before she's totally asleep.

We even tried putting her on a mattress by our bed in case bedsharing was waking her up, but she wakes up just as often there.

She sleeps enough in the day and gets 1-2 good naps, and I put her to bed when she is drowsy and not over tired. I make sure she has had enough to eat. We've even tried essential oils (one that is supposed to help with sleep). I tried night weaning her one time, but she just cried in my arms for over an hour (she wasn't hungry) and woke up more than usual that night after she fell asleep. I got almost no sleep. I can't deal with the lack of sleep I'm getting!

I have no more ideas! I've been sort of "waiting it out," but working full-time and taking classes I am having a hard time functioning.

Any ideas? I'm going crazy! However, I will not do CIO.

 

[Rachel_C]

Is she getting lots of fresh air and exercise? What happens if you don't put her to bed and just let her fall asleep wherever she is - would she fall asleep or keep herself awake and what would happen to the sleep when she finally does drop off? Have you tried a warm bath about an hour before you want her to sleep? How about if you don't unlatch her before she falls asleep and let her fall asleep on the boob? What if you stop the day nap or limit it to one of an hour or so? It's unusual but both of my girls completely stopped napping by 18 months and it was a struggle to get them to nap for the last couple of months, so it is possible (though unlikely) that she doesn't need quite so much sleep. Have you ruled out any noise that might be waking her? Snoring, talking, TV from next door, a clock etc? Tried white noise or music?

What method of night weaning did you try? If you haven't tried it, if her understanding is reasonable, I really recommend Dr Jay Gordon's method. My LO was older when we tried it but I think it's pretty adaptable to a younger child as long as they're over 12 months old as you can pick certain hours when you won't feed LO. We started with 6 hours then went quickly to 8 hours but you could do just 3 or 4 hours at first and work up, if that would be an achievement for her.

Sorry for the random suggestions! I'm sure you've already tried most of them but thought I'd say random things in case there was one you haven't

 

[justmeinlove]

My understanding is it's now habit. I agree with the jay Gordon suggestion, it seems nice and I'm currently working on the second stage.
she might cry, but it's not cio if you're there, it's just adjustment.

 

[Feronia]

Is she getting lots of fresh air and exercise? What happens if you don't put her to bed and just let her fall asleep wherever she is - would she fall asleep or keep herself awake and what would happen to the sleep when she finally does drop off? Have you tried a warm bath about an hour before you want her to sleep? How about if you don't unlatch her before she falls asleep and let her fall asleep on the boob? What if you stop the day nap or limit it to one of an hour or so? It's unusual but both of my girls completely stopped napping by 18 months and it was a struggle to get them to nap for the last couple of months, so it is possible (though unlikely) that she doesn't need quite so much sleep. Have you ruled out any noise that might be waking her? Snoring, talking, TV from next door, a clock etc? Tried white noise or music?

What method of night weaning did you try? If you haven't tried it, if her understanding is reasonable, I really recommend Dr Jay Gordon's method. My LO was older when we tried it but I think it's pretty adaptable to a younger child as long as they're over 12 months old as you can pick certain hours when you won't feed LO. We started with 6 hours then went quickly to 8 hours but you could do just 3 or 4 hours at first and work up, if that would be an achievement for her.

Sorry for the random suggestions! I'm sure you've already tried most of them but thought I'd say random things in case there was one you haven't

Thanks for the suggestions! Actually, we've been taking her out to play in the late afternoon / early evening now that the weather is getting better. She wore herself out by about 6:30, had a bath, the rest of the routine, and still woke up 10 times last night (we counted, lol). She will not ever put herself to sleep, but will just stay up and be super cranky until we put her to bed, and those nights she seems to wake up the most. I used to nurse her completely to sleep, but she'd cry the second I unlatch. It's been easier getting her down now that I nurse her from both sides completely and then unlatch her, so there's one part of the problem down (this does not work in the middle of the night for some reason), the rest is with the frequent wake ups. One or two naps, it makes no difference either, unfortunately. (

We have a humidifier in the room that is pretty good at cancelling noise, but one thing might be our crappy full-sized futon. It squeaks, so maybe when we move in our sleep it wakes her up? I'm trying to get a new bed because bedsharing with 3 people in a full-size bed isn't cutting it anymore!

The night weaning method I tried was in the No Cry Sleep Solution. Essentially I tried to feed her and unlatch after she was finished eating before she fell asleep for a few nights, but each night she would scream until I put her back. She would scream for like 45 minutes, rest for 10, then scream again. All. Night. (I was there cuddling her, patting her, etc. the whole time.) I didn't even make it to the part of the method where you cuddle them when they wake up and not offer the boob. Maybe I have to do this for like 4 nights for it to work? That's like 4 nights with no sleep though, yikes!

I will totally look into the Gordon method, thanks!

 

[Rachel_C]

Good luck! You could try your OH putting her back to bed at night maybe too. If it's normally you who comforts her, perhaps try switching that over for some of the time in the day, then start doing it at night too.

 

[Feronia]

He's able to get her to sleep during the day when I'm at work, but not if I'm at home. At night, if he tries to put her to bed she screams until I come back to comfort her. She seems to need me at night -- I'm guessing it's because of boobs, lol. Ah well, I just looked into the Gordon method and it sounds good so I'll give it a try!

 

[kosh]

don't have other suggestions I'm afraid but wanted to send as I can totally relate!
my LO was a bad sleeper from day one. he used to wake every hour, or every 45min, or spend all night latched on (we too co-sleep and BF). sometimes he would wake up and then spend 1 1/2 hours awake until he was again drowsy enough to go back to sleep. like yours he would never ever just 'fall' asleep.
he did go through phases, and I think around 15 months was a particularly bad one. he's still a bad sleeper but since he turned 2yo he's gradually getting better. we still have multiple wakes per night, and still the odd night when he's awake for hours, but in general he seems to be sleeping deeper and waking less.
People seem to think that night weaning is the solution and, like you, I started with the NCSS for toddlers but didn't get very far. I should be doing something at some point but I have just started a new very demanding job and I can't afford any less sleep.
However, I'm still not totally convinced it is just a 'habit'?

anyway, good luck! and PM if you ever want to vent, I know how you feel!

 

[justmeinlove]

Do let me know how the Gordon method goes. I am currently trying stage 2 in a really pathetic minimalist way

 

[Rachel_C]

We used a Gro-Clock with the Gordon method... admittedly it helped me most as I can't read the normal clock without glasses on but it seems to have worked well for the kids - they like knowing when they can get up for the day without having to ask every 2 minutes. We did the whole, "No boobies now, they're sleeping. Night night mummy, night night LO, night night boobies, night night sunshine" in a silly sing song voice and it helped.

 

[justmeinlove]

I am sooooooooooo doing that once she's old enough!

 

[Feronia]

Thanks, Kosh! I'm happy to hear it's not just my crazy baby. Yeah, I see what you mean about this not seeming like a habit because she's done this since day 1.
I have friends in the area who also co-sleep and breasfeed, and their LOs have always slept much better than mine. (Ahh, the nights she spends latched non-stop on are tough but she mostly does that when she's teething.)

Okay, day 1 of the Gordon method went pretty well actually! I nursed her whenever she woke up, but didn't let her stay latched on afterwards. She was angry, but only cried for a few minutes and then decided to leave the bed and sleep alone on her mattress (next to our bed). Mama snub!

Thanks again for all the suggestions, and I'll have to look into that Gro-clock when she's a bit older. That song is awesome, Rachel, and I'm happy to hear it helped!

 

[Rachel_C]

I'm glad it went okay. I always feel like toddler anger is much easier to deal with than toddler heartbreak! Keep us updated

 

[justmeinlove]

Ooh well done! Also interested to know how you cope, as I'm quite worried about going from feeding every 2 hours to once in 7... Hence my faffing around

 

[Aimee4311]

Josalyn is similar to Aerith! She's slept the same way since day one also. She wakes between 1-4 times before I go to bed (normally about 3-4 hours after her).

After I'm in bed, she'll still wake several times to nurse, and will sometimes stay latched (the last two nights! Ugh!) I've never counted her wakeups because I figured it'd be depressing!

I'm considering trying Jay Gordon's method as well. I'd love to be able to just sleep!

 

[justmeinlove]

Feronia, how's it going? And Aimee? I'm hunting reassurance, still being pathetic about it, I think partially because I sort of don't believe it will work - she never has slept and I kind of think I'm kidding myself to hope she will. Which is sad!

 

[Feronia]

I'm so sorry you asked. In fact, I've given up on it and she's been staying latched all night...

The lack of sleep was really killing me! I'm going to try it again once this semester is over towards the end of April.

 

[Aimee4311]

It's fine here, still 4-6 times is still very normal. I'm glad we bedshare or I'd be exhausted!

We did see immediate improvement when I started unlatching her every time she nursed. She started waking less to nurse and unlatching easily then rolling away from me. But I only kept it up like 2 nights... Now we're back to where we started. I'm going to work harder on it.

 

[Vickie]

It is HARD! We did not co-sleep though Rhys was in our room until 15 months when we moved him into his sister's room. He was up 5-10 + times a night for almost 20 months! It was terrible His sleep IS better now though he's not as good of a sleeper as his sister (and I doubt he ever will be!). Generally he's only up once a night but can take a while to get down in the evenings. When teething or sick he's up more often though. He's generally *pretty* decent about sleeping from 9 p.m.-4/5 a.m. I hope it improves for you all soon!

 

[justmeinlove]

Ah. Dudes :-\ much sympathy

 

[Fortune Cooki]

What has worked for us is that I always let her fall asleep on the boob. I never unlatch her, but rather, wait until she falls off of the latch from exhaustion. Warning, this does take a long time sometimes. Especially in the beginning it seemed to take hours. She began sleeping through the night via this method since week 6. So she will sometimes pacify on the boob for 1 or 2 more hours after having nursed, and I let her pacify until she comes off of the pacifying herself. That is when I know she is completely zonked out. I wait a few more minutes to make sure she is in a deep sleep, then transfer her to her pack n' play in our room. We use an air purifier to muffle out most sounds made from my husband and I turning in bed or using the restroom. Without this white noise, she would most certainly wake up.
I definitely notice she falls asleep earlier in the night if she's had a very active day. We try to go to play dates, storytime, etc. I've never had a set bed time for her, and just let her decide when she is ready to sleep, and then she sleeps through. Sometimes she does wake up randomly at night and cries for a few seconds. I wait and she usually is able to put herself back to sleep. This is pretty rare, or I manage to not wake up to hear it. Not sure. Naps seem to be all over the place. The only sure way she will fall asleep sometimes is the car seat while I'm driving somewhere. Then transfer her to her stroller. Sleep trainers seem to suggest the same times for naps and night time, but I'm so worried about forcing her into an actual schedule. They make it sound like the method that works for us is damaging. I would hate to do CIO just to see if she will be able to sleep at the same time every night and during naps. It seems ridiculous to me, so I haven't tried any training.