Told mum im 5 wks preg & got total negative response.

[Luvmama]

Im married 5 yrz, i have a 2 yr old little girl with hubby which is healthy, we r financially stable and same as first pregnancy she replied "oh nooo nadia omg what r u gonna do". I previously have said i dont want anymore im done trying to get pregnant n im not sure i can cope with another child so i understand y she would think it but am i wrong for expecting a happy reaction just once. Last time this happenned n she completely killed my excitement. My mother is my 1 n only friend n i really wasn't looking farward to telling her because i knew her 1st reaction would b negative. Im really sick of her negativity she never has any words of encouragement. Yes i ddnt plan this baby n i admitted i dont want another but im ringing her to tell her im pregnant n i sounded excited..i easnt crying obviously....so y could she keep her concerns till a more appropriate time n give me a happy encouraging reaction like a normal mum??? am i being harsh?

 

[happynewmom1]

I don't think you are being harsh. She maybe thought you would be upset since you had said you didn't want more at one point? I don't know. I do try to see perspective but it's difficult sometimes. My mom is super negative and didn't get excited when I told her about this 3rd baby. But she is negative about how we raise our other two and is pretty open about how my sisters kids are her favorite so I do my best to shrug it off and not let it ruin my excitement. Big hugs

 

[DobbyForever]

Well I imagine you were hesitant in actually telling her. Your body language and tone easily reflected that to her I would imagine. Throw in the past statement about more kids, and I wouldn't have expected a different reaction. Now, if you tell her you are ready and excited and she doesn't change her tune remember it is just because age worries and loves you, but you may need to sit her down with some I statements: I feel really hurt when you react negatively to this pregnancy. You are my best friend, and I want to share/celebrate this with you. Moving forward, I need you to be positive and supportive.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

Not everyone will respond in a happy way! Everyone has their own accumulation of information that creates their own perspective and it's hard to know how anyone will react to such big news. If YOU feel secure about your decision then what's it really matter what ol mum has to say?

 

[biscuits104]

Moms are so hard to deal with! And the worst part is we can't help but crave their approval for every single little thing. I would be honest with her and tell her that her reaction really bummed you out. In the future, maybe she will think harder about her negative reactions.

My mom calls me fertile Myrtle all the time because I'm pregnant for the third time in a year...only it makes me feel like crap because I would fully embrace "fertile Myrtle" if my first two babies hadn't ended in miscarriage. I think sometimes Moms don't know how much their words affect us.

 

[happynewmom1]

Moms are so hard to deal with! And the worst part is we can't help but crave their approval for every single little thing. I would be honest with her and tell her that her reaction really bummed you out. In the future, maybe she will think harder about her negative reactions.

My mom calls me fertile Myrtle all the time because I'm pregnant for the third time in a year...only it makes me feel like crap because I would fully embrace "fertile Myrtle" if my first two babies hadn't ended in miscarriage. I think sometimes Moms don't know how much their words affect us.

I totally agree with you. My mom's first reaction for this baby.. I told her at almost 9 weeks, was "wow. That means you got pregnant 3 times in a row. I've never heard of that happening". After my first loss, although early, all she told me was "I know you were excited about the Idea of the baby and are just disappointed." it really hurt but I'm not sure she knew what she was saying.

 

[biscuits104]

Moms are so hard to deal with! And the worst part is we can't help but crave their approval for every single little thing. I would be honest with her and tell her that her reaction really bummed you out. In the future, maybe she will think harder about her negative reactions.

My mom calls me fertile Myrtle all the time because I'm pregnant for the third time in a year...only it makes me feel like crap because I would fully embrace "fertile Myrtle" if my first two babies hadn't ended in miscarriage. I think sometimes Moms don't know how much their words affect us.

I totally agree with you. My mom's first reaction for this baby.. I told her at almost 9 weeks, was "wow. That means you got pregnant 3 times in a row. I've never heard of that happening". After my first loss, although early, all she told me was "I know you were excited about the Idea of the baby and are just disappointed." it really hurt but I'm not sure she knew what she was saying.

Do we have the same mom? My mom would say something like that too, and you just wonder if they even think before they speak. My mom asked me if I was grossed out to be carrying my dead baby in my womb as I waited to get my d&c. Ummmm, no Mom! Good grief.

 

[Sambo]

I'm sure your mum is just worried about you and wanting the best for you. Sometimes mums can be very untactful when talking to their grown up children... I know mine can!

I remember reading a post you made in sept in the home life & relationship section of the forum. You were saying you hate being a mum, you can't be bothered to play with your daughter and you wish you had the guts to walk away from your family (although you were very clear about how much you loved her).If your mum knew you previously had feelings like that she is bound to be concerned about how you would cope with 2.

I think once you explain you are happy about the situation and once the news has sunk in she will be fine and will be very supportive

Take care
Sam x x

 

[Unexpected212]

My dad told me if I had a third I'd be insane! So far he hasn't actually said anything negative about the pregnancy but I know he disapproves. I try not to care too much because i have my own little family now and I love him but his opinion won't ruin this for me

 

[happynewmom1]

Moms are so hard to deal with! And the worst part is we can't help but crave their approval for every single little thing. I would be honest with her and tell her that her reaction really bummed you out. In the future, maybe she will think harder about her negative reactions.

My mom calls me fertile Myrtle all the time because I'm pregnant for the third time in a year...only it makes me feel like crap because I would fully embrace "fertile Myrtle" if my first two babies hadn't ended in miscarriage. I think sometimes Moms don't know how much their words affect us.

I totally agree with you. My mom's first reaction for this baby.. I told her at almost 9 weeks, was "wow. That means you got pregnant 3 times in a row. I've never heard of that happening". After my first loss, although early, all she told me was "I know you were excited about the Idea of the baby and are just disappointed." it really hurt but I'm not sure she knew what she was saying.

Do we have the same mom? My mom would say something like that too, and you just wonder if they even think before they speak. My mom asked me if I was grossed out to be carrying my dead baby in my womb as I waited to get my d&c. Ummmm, no Mom! Good grief.

I think we must!!! It would be nice if they would do as they tell us to do as kids and think before they speak. lol I'm so sorry for your losses and what you went through! If my mom had said that to me I would have lost it and I'm usually a self controlled person lol that's terrible!

 

[happynewmom1]

I'm sure your mum is just worried about you and wanting the best for you. Sometimes mums can be very untactful when talking to their grown up children... I know mine can!

I remember reading a post you made in sept in the home life & relationship section of the forum. You were saying you hate being a mum, you can't be bothered to play with your daughter and you wish you had the guts to walk away from your family (although you were very clear about how much you loved her).If your mum knew you previously had feelings like that she is bound to be concerned about how you would cope with 2.

I think once you explain you are happy about the situation and once the news has sunk in she will be fine and will be very supportive

Take care
Sam x x

Op, did your mom know some of this and how you were feeling? September wasn't that long ago and she might be more concerned than anything else right now for you. Although I don't know her, so just asking. It's good to try to put things in perspective sometimes and view it from the other person.. Not easy but worth it.

 

[biscuits104]

Thank you so much happynewmom, I'm so sorry for your losses too.

 

[happynewmom1]

Thank you so much happynewmom, I'm so sorry for your losses too.

Thank you

 

[lynnikins]

mums can totally suck with what they say but like all of us are prone to speaking without turning on their brain first. im more concerned about what my FIL will say, my parents will be happy for us im sure as they are onboard with our veiw on family size.

 

[Goodvibes0719]

Not everyone will be happy for you. Even your own parents. With our second, his mother went home and cried because she was so upset we were pregnant. With this one (7 months after) she'll probably do the same. But really, all that matters is that you're happy. Telling others is fine. But if they react the way you didn't expect them to, just walk away and ignore it. THey're not worth being upset over! Be happy.

 

[MindUtopia]

No, you're not being harsh, but I'd just let it slide and try not to let it get to you too much. Her excitement will come in time when she's digested it a little. When I told my mum I was pregnant the first time, the first thing she said was, "Are you okay? Was this planned?". Um, I was at the time a 32 year old, successful, married professional. She literally reacted as if I was 16 and telling her my boyfriend knocked me up (not that there's anything wrong with that either, but you can see how the response would be a little more reasonable in that situation). Yes, I was fine. Yes, it was planned. Now, our daughter is coming up on 3. I just turned 35. And she keeps saying everytime I talk to her about how when I see my friends having their second babies it must "put me off from wanting to do that again". She's very anxious about me getting pregnant again because she thinks it's a bad idea and one kid is enough work (keeping in mind, I enjoy parenting, don't feeling like it's a struggle, I've always coped well, have a stable life, happy marriage, good career, etc.). I think she continues to think either I'm still 16 or she's projecting her own feelings about wanting to care for a young child onto me (she had a really rough time as a parent, divorce, abusive relationship with my dad, single parent with no emotional or financial support from anyone else, so like fair enough, but still). She loves our daughter though and once she got over her initial shock, she was really excited and positive.

 

[jalilma]

Call me and tell me you're pregnant.. I'll be excited with you! I'm sure whenever I get my bfp my mom won't be super positive.. (she wasn't with any of my pregnancies) total vibe killer!