too much negative info am terrifed help!!!

[redbloom]

Hi all,

just here to give and recieve support and similar stories...up untill very recently this whole topic has never been an issue for me, untill I met my current boyfriend and thourght actually its time to go for it. He is more than happy with the idea and has an 8yr old daughter from previous relationship, so initially it was all happy, positive and joyous, which it still is for him.

However I am now marginally obcessed and wish it;d never read any of the bloody info on conception etc. I am 30 and 31 in 2 months, it would seem by reading info on conception that my chances are becoming less and less, that I've basically left to too late, that it may or may not ever happen. That you end up scheduling sex like some annoying yet essential treatment for some aliment...I even now have it written in my diary when I'll inevitably have to feign passion in the attempt to get my boyfriend up and running on a particular day to sinct with percieved ovulation. The whole thing is herrendous and am finding it all quite mechanical. I haven't shared any of this info with him, as I know what men are like and any percieved pressure can lead to a counterproductive result, i.e he'll never be up for it...I used to really enjoy my sex life, now it just feels like a means to an end...and what end as most articles make it all sound so bloody difficult with statistics on infertility, I wander why I'm even putting myself through this. To be far I've only been off the pill for one full cycle and already stessing abouit it all...am away working and back teh last day of percieved ovulation and already planning on how will entice the poor sod to get down to business...really NOT enjoying thsi feeling atall. HELP!

 

[Gemie]

I know what you mean and it really is a lottery when it come to how long it will take.
After reading stuff like you I then convinced myself it would take us months or even years. I spent so much money on lubricants, opks, fertility monitors, herbs and potions you name it, I bought it lol
BUT it actually only took us 1 proper cycle after the pill I'm here to tell you it doesn't ave to take forever, if you and your oh are healthy and have no problems
I'm 32 this year so I'm no spring chicken either lol
Hope this has helped and good luck. xx

 

[Sooz]

My 32 YO friend has just got pregnant on her second month of trying, which was also her second month off of the BCP.....so please don't stress out....you've not left it too late and your not too old.

 

[glowingjo]

I know it's not going to help to tell you to relax, but well, ummmm,

And even if you're worried about stressing out your OH by talking about things - just bloody well talk to him!!! Believe it or not, most guys can tell when we're upset about something (although they will almost inevitably NOT have a clue WHY we're upset).

I took the chance to talk to my lovely, wonderful, empathetic husband about what I had assumed he already knew :doh: We had a catholic wedding and had been through a 'wedding preparation course' which included natural family planning ROFLMAO! I had assumed that he would remember this information (and know that we are only fertile a few days every month.

Shock horror, a few weeks ago, when I decided to talk to him about this stuff, he was like 'wow, really? only a few days??? are you sure?'

My advice - talk to your OH about it. But - pick a time of the month when you know you're not fertile, so there's no pressure on him (or YOU) to have sex straight away. It might actually take your relationship up to another level And I have to admit our sex-life has been greatly improved since then!


Good luck

 

[lintu]

I know what you mean huni, I came off my pill and went straight in to counting and temping and then OPK's which TBH made me totally stressed out. I started stressing that I wasnt Ovulating and so went to the dr who ran a blood test and it all came back fine.

I was worried that sex was going to get all mechanical and i have started keeping a note in my diary too. But for us it hasnt gotten to that point and we have been at this nearly a yr, i think the secret is keeping it fun and spontanious and try not to get to regimented. Keep it fun, whatever it takes to lighten the load that you already feel.

I have only just started looking into suppliments and things and am starting to do OPK's again (this time at the right time of day to show the surge)

You will be fine huni, but I know it's really frustrating when everyone keeps telling you that, and remeber we are all here for you going through the same things, I have found the girls on here a real rock when i felt that no one else got it xxx

 

[redbloom]

Thanks so much all who replied...your messages were much appreciated!!! My biggest problem I think, to be honest, is my OH's lack of sex drive!!!! I actually find this more stressfull than knowing you have 12 chances a year!!! He has low self esteem half the time and thus isn't up for anything and hence my chances are even less now!!! Thats my true stress in this equation as it makes the natural stresses 100 times worse...we've just missed this month due him "not being in the mood"...am seriously considering donor if this carries on into New Year! Cx

 

[katemarie]

Totally understand where you are coming from - one thing for us I guess is we were using condoms before so the novelty of not wearing them is still there.

I don't think your age is an issue at all (I am also 30, 31 in January) and you will be fine in that respect, if you're worried there are fertility tests you can have done that check your egg reserve but I guess that could end up making you more paranoid.

To make sex more interesting I guess it boils down to cliches - men love stockings and spontaneous sex! I think it's hard to get in the mood just before bed so why not have sex when you both get back from work instead, then there's not as much pressure before you go to sleep? I know it's hard as you need to lie down for around 20 mins after, but that could be when he starts making the dins (excellent idea hey, sex and dinner made for you!)

I have become a bit more obsessed about it than I thought I would be too and also mark in my diary, but it's important and I'm sure your hubbie wants it just as much as you do, so just talk to him gently about those days you need him and try and get away on as many weekends as you can to keep you both relaxed, or if money is tight one month, just go on a nice long walk in the country, fresh air does wonders for men's libido!

Loads of luck x

 

[katemarie]

Also... remember that sperm can stay alive for up to five days (sometimes even 7, but this is more rare) so even if you don't have sex on the day you ovulate, or the day before or after, there may still be sperm there ready to meet your egg. Your man should relieve himself every three days though even if he isn't having sex with you as that can apparently be better for his sperm count - according to this book on fertility I just read anyway, which was v interesting, let me know if you want the name of it

 

[lintu]

I forgot to mention I was 30!!

Have you tried Maca, loads of people have reported an increased sex drive whilst takin it, I'm thinking about it for next mth if i don't get my

 

[LaRockera]

If the info you've been reading says that your age may be a cause of delayed fertility, then you've certainly been reading the wrong info. At 30 you're very fertile, and very capable to conceive any given time. Your chances remain 25%. And you're also young enough to do whatever's necessary, if something is indeed rendered necessary.

Age can affect fertility after the age of 35, but does not determine it. In fact, women are able to carry children up to the age of 45.

Yes, a woman is at the peak of her fertility between the ages of 18-22, but at 30 your chances are not that far less.

As far as the charting is concerned, I've recently read that 80% of the couples that actually chart their fertile days manage to conceive within 4 months. I've known of women that got their BFPs while obsessed with it, and women that got it after they relaxed. It's all chance, and we seem to forget about that.

Try and enjoy the journey. Don't let it rule your life, but don't try to suppress your feelings either.

It will all go just fine.

 

[Groovychick]

You are definitely not too old to TTC. 30 is a fine age for a LO!

 

[redbloom]

Thanks all...just been to ride after a year off...am thinking of just buying a new horse instead!!!

 

[glowingjo]

I think I'm the old girl here ttc our 1st at 34 - so it better still all be in working order!

You're not on your own with a DH with a low sex drive - if you try starting (or searching for) a thread with 'My DH doesn't want to have sex' you will be amazed at the number of people in the same boat We're all busy, tired, stressed people, and sometimes sex just takes a back seat.

 

[loopylollipop]

you are still young chick dont worry, see mums over thirty on a daily basis - and quite alot in forties too - was suprised given the low stats that are quoted!

In my world we recommend dtd every 2-3 days THROUGHOUT the cycle. Many women ovulate a little earlier or a little later than expected. The only way you know is bloods (not routine in UK and not always helpful) or opks - which puts you on the rocky road to ' living life by the stick' . I have done this for the last few months and have now ditched them. Still up the frequency around likely 'ov' if I can seduce OH.

If, however, DH is waning, then listen to the other girls, then have some great ideas!! I have tried every trick in the book!! But remember - time is still on your side.

Ps I am 41

good luck and