Too scared to enjoy my pregnancy

[pansorie]

I am more than sure this is a very common topic in the forums, but I do have to vent. I am 6w2d pregnant, I do not see my doctor until November 10. I feel like I did a great disservice to myself finding out that I was pregnant so early.

Since finding out I have hardly had a chance to enjoy the idea that I am pregnant. I am 35 years old, this is my second pregnancy (my husband's first), my son is 15 years old. Because there is so much time difference between my first pregnancy and this I feel like it is my first all over again.

I have read everything on miscarriages, to when the babies stop growing. Both my mother in law and sister in law gave birth to stillborns at the time they were supposed to deliver healthy babies. These kind of things weigh heavily on me.

My symptoms have been few and far between. My breasts are sore, but not THAT sore, and I had moderate cramps here and there, nothing more than PMS. I don't have morning sickness, but I have been having the worst time with gagging and dry heaving... is this a pregnancy symptom?! I have cried... a lot. Over odd things, too, like a song or reading an article on cancer.

I feel like I am relatively intelligent, but I find myself questioning everything. The wait to see my doctor has been near excruciating. I am terrified that we will go in and not see an egg sac, or not hear a heart beat.

Everyone tells me to calm down and relax. I have been better this last day or so, but I still feel like a nutcase. I am still taking pregnancy tests! I have taken well over 20 tests since finding out. This is how bad I have been: I had labs drawn when I was 4w5d and 5w1d. It came back that my progesterone was greater than 60, and my HcG had more than doubled. This calmed me for about an hour. And then I started thinking... well, what are my levels NOW? Have they dropped?

Am I crazy? Am I being especially out of control in my feelings? I just really need to go to the doctor for some reassurance. I feel so alone.

 

[ajarvis]

You're not crazy! I think everyone feels like that at some point! My boys are 8 and 5. I'm 4 weeks. My period isn't even technically due til tomorrow lol.

Try focusing on accomplishing one thing for your pregnancy at a time. Like, getting prenatals. Then taking them. Exercising every day. What you're eating etc. all the things in your control you can do to have a healthy pregnancy. Cause some things are just out of our control!

Hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy

 

[smoore]

I would call and talk to your doctor honestly about your feelings. I'm truly sorry that fear is gripping you in this way.

My first born son was stillborn. It was my first pregnancy.

This is my second pregnancy. I have consciously decided that I can not let fear and stress creep in. I have controlled my own feelings and it has worked so far. I think I am the only one who can control myself because there will always be things that could happen, even after a baby is born. So, I figured I better get control early. I know that doesn't necessarily give you a strategy, but I wanted to let you know I'm here for you and am sorry for your fear.

 

[MeaganMackenz]

Nope you're not nuts. Even seasoned mom's do this everytime they're pregnant. There's not much to no doubt about it reassure yourself that everything is OK for the first 8 to 10 weeks. I had spotting which ended up being a hemorrhage, and it made me a nervous wreck. My girlfriend lent me her fetal Doppler at 8 weeks and I've found the heartbeat everyday since, sometimes I look twice. However I had visual confirmation of a heartbeat before I started looking so I was at least half sure there was something to find. I'd recommend a Doppler around 9 weeks, but I fear if you have trouble finding it you'll drive yourself more insane.

As for your symptoms, my boobs fluctuated. Some days it was mild, others I couldn't touch them. I didn't start getting really nauseous until closer to 8 weeks, and it's actually getting worse at 11 weeks sadly. Weepy is normal, I can cry over YouTube videos. Cramps are entirely normal, usually a sign of stretching going on in your uterus.

Sweetie, calm down. It's hard to, but try. As a nervous wreck myself who was you at 5 weeks until 8, it's not doing anyone any good. No bleeding or heavy cramping are great signs, and for now you should have no cause for concern. Careful on testing, the "hook effect" could happen, and that'll drive you even more crazy. Bad things happen to good pregnant people, you just have to be positive that your pregnancy will be healthy and happy. A fantastic percentage are. Good luck hun xo

 

[Catiren]

im a poas addict and i have so many tests leftover from the bundle i bought because i didnt think i would get pregnant as fast as i did. sooo im 9 and a half weeks and im still testing, just not everyday. my tests expire in a few months so i might as well just use them up. i worried alot in the beginning of my pregnancy too. im still in the beginning but i mean i found out i was pregnant at 8 dpo and it was such a surprise.

please make sure you are taking your prenatal vitamins daily. i am taking two flinstones a day since the prenatals i was taking prior to pregnancy made me feel soooooooo HORRIBLE for 3 hours straight. i know, it sounds like a wimpy thing to say but flinstones have worked wonderfully for me and i did ask my midwife for approval of them before doubling the dose.

try not to worry so much because i was worrying so much about having an ectopic pregnancy or anything else that could go wrong (from reading on the internet too much) and i started having symptoms of it! i had slight shoulder pain after looking up reasons why i had one-sided pain on a daily basis. baby is in uterus and growing very well! i just cant believe how much worrying i did over the course of my weeks 4-6.

 

[pansorie]

Thank you, everyone, for your experiences and your prompt replies! Knowing that I am not the only one makes me feel better about being so worked up.

I have talked to my nurse about my anxiety and my seeming lack of symptoms. She refers back to my numbers being good, no bleeding, and only mild cramping; she also says that since I do not have any history of miscarriage I should be low risk. Kind of reassuring?! But my thought is a history of miscarriage has to start somewhere...

I had never heard of the hook effect. I googled it, and thank God, because I would have fuh-reaked out! I only have 4 pregnancy tests left, and I am pretty sure I will go through those next week, and then no more!

I find myself playing these mind games to make me feel better: if I take a pregnancy test I act like it is my first one. I replay other peoples experiences' and stories in my brain, and try to apply it to myself. My husband said: "Enjoy that you are pregnant today." And I have tried to take that to heart. I also think about the time frame: I just need to get through this coming up week and then I will get to see the doctor. I don't go back to work until Tues, we get paid on Wed and Fri, we're going out to dinner sometime this week (something I very much enjoy), so I have other things I can look forward to.


When I first found out I was pregnant I was down in the lobby of my job talking to a close friend about it. Another person who works in a different dept overheard our conversation and started giving me pregnancy advice. On Friday I ran into the co-worker who told me she just found out she was pregnant! She was so happy, casual, accepting, and had such a positive attitude. The whole time I was talking to her I was thinking "why can't I be like her?" I am trying, but it is so hard.

 

[misspriss]

I'm sorry you are so worried!

I'm 9+2, but I still haven't seem my doctor either. Won't until 10+3! It's so annoying. I had an early MC in June, so I was really hoping to be seen sooner. But I can't help that they don't have any open times for appointments until Nov. 3rd, I've called to ask about cancellations twice, but no luck.

I also don't have many symptoms, but I didn't with DS either. I have sore boobs occasionally, and I've had a bit of queasiness but nothing I'd really call morning sickness, it never lasts more than a few minutes really. It's frustrating!

 

[ajarvis]

6 weeks is still early too. So alot of symptoms aren't around yet. There's no bump. Movement etc. It's easier as your pregnancy goes on I swear I'm sitting here looking at my 8 year old wondering where the time went! His pregnancy was full of worry since I bled the whole time etc. but alls well that ends well!

 

[Lotus Womb]

I possibly have a light BFP today but will retest on Wednesday to be sure.

I know it is very scary especially the first trimester. With my last pregnancy I remeber saying to my Mother I don't have any symptoms except a little cramping at 4 weeks and tender breast. At 8 weeks my morning or shall I say anytime of the day sickness kicked in till 14 weeks.
All we can do is try our best to be positive as possible. I am freaking out myself a little right now but I am just going to maintain the positivity.
like others have said stay on the healthy eating, go walking or maintain your regular exercise. Drink plenty and embrace the 1st trimester. The long wait is a pain to see Dr but positive things is it is nearly end of the first trimester by time you seeing him/her.

 

[butterflywolf]

You aren't alone. I'm 7 weeks 4 days and I saw the heartbeat last week and it was strong at 139 BPM. Still worried. For me it's the first 13 weeks that I can't really relax and then I calm down for a bit and then when 20 weeks near I freak out because I worry so much what if something is wrong with the baby at that time (since that is the 'big scan'). A pregnant woman's worry is never done. You worry all throughout the pregnancy and you will worry after the pregnancy. It's all part of being a mom.

Also if statistics help you at all, at the very beginning chances of a Miscarriage are about 13-18%. Most miscarriages end before 6 weeks. Then once you see the heartbeat you chances drop down to about 5%. Once you can hear the heartbeat on a Doppler about 1-3%.

 

[pansorie]

Thank you once again, everybody! The struggle is real, I swear. Two weeks until my appt, and it can't come soon enough. Every little symptom is scrutinized, I really need to stop. Breasts are sore, but no gagging this morning, yet. No sign of bleeding at all, since my LMP. I know symptoms don't make or break a pregnancy, but if I had more, then maybe I would at least *feel* pregnant and not be such a basketcase. As it is, I feel quite normal for the most part.

Thank you for the stats, butterflywolf. I read your thread on your first appt jitters, and it was one that helped calm me a bit. I know the odds are in my favor. Trying to be positive!

I possibly have a light BFP today but will retest on Wednesday to be sure.

Congrats! When I took my first Wondflo pregnancy test (using evening urine) the line was so faint I thought I was imagining things. I had to call my husband in to verify. I took a test the next day with FMU, and it was much more pronounced, but still faint. Wishing you happiness!

 

[babyplease01]

Pansorie, I have the exact same ridiculous not-quite-symptoms. Some days I just gag and gag all day long!! I hate to hear that you're so consumed with worry, and i'm not going to pretend that my experience is on the same level. But I am SO SCARED of losing this baby that I can't really enjoy being pregnant. People tell me about miscarrying their babies and how far along they were and I fond myself waiting for that week, hoping I make it past that week without something happening. Crazy, right?? Every time I pee I look for blood, sometimes I just check my panties to make sure. I'm losing my mind, pretty sure. This is the scariest thing I've ever done!! I hope it gets easier for you.

 

[ajarvis]

I don't have a midwife appt. til Dec 19th! And very tiny symptoms at the moment, but I'm only 4 weeks along. So it's to be expected. Trying to enjoy symptom free and remembering how much mat clothes suck etc. for the moment haha

 

[misspriss]

Oh and RE gagging, I don't gag like this when I'm not pregnant. Just because you aren't actually throwing up doesn't mean you aren't feeling it. I gagged so much this morning. Brushing my teeth was torture, etc - I didn't puke though, but this is NOT like non-pregnancy!

 

[ajarvis]

I haven't puked before in pregnancy. Nauseous for sure! Feeling just nasty, but no puking. I'm not much of a puker though mind you

 

[heather2629]

Pansorie, I have the exact same ridiculous not-quite-symptoms. Some days I just gag and gag all day long!! I hate to hear that you're so consumed with worry, and i'm not going to pretend that my experience is on the same level. But I am SO SCARED of losing this baby that I can't really enjoy being pregnant. People tell me about miscarrying their babies and how far along they were and I fond myself waiting for that week, hoping I make it past that week without something happening. Crazy, right?? Every time I pee I look for blood, sometimes I just check my panties to make sure. I'm losing my mind, pretty sure. This is the scariest thing I've ever done!! I hope it gets easier for you.

Oh my gosh it's like I typed this comment myself. That's EXACTLY how I feel. It's so crazy, my husband thinks I've lost it. But, I'm just terrified!

 

[pansorie]

Well, I think I spoke too soon on the (seeming) lack of symptoms. Morning sickness has steadily been getting worse. At first it was just gagging, and now I am actually getting sick. This morning right before my husband left for work he asked me to feed the cat her wet food. I tried, but just could not do it, the smell was overwhelming.

Most of the time the morning sickness hits, I don't even smell anything. In fact, it is like clockwork! I wake up, and I know as soon as I get up I am going to be gagging. It is to the point where I am having issues brushing my teeth, and today at work I had to rush some poor woman off the phone then I ran to the bathroom and gagged for the next 5 min.

Also, when I first realized I was pregnant I cried. A LOT. Now, it just seems like I am pissed. I was soooo cranky last night at every little thing. My poor husband and son have been ever so patient.

I know pregnancy symptoms don't make or break a pregnancy, but it does feel assuring that *something* is happening.

 

[babyplease01]

Well, I think I spoke too soon on the (seeming) lack of symptoms. Morning sickness has steadily been getting worse. At first it was just gagging, and now I am actually getting sick. This morning right before my husband left for work he asked me to feed the cat her wet food. I tried, but just could not do it, the smell was overwhelming.

Most of the time the morning sickness hits, I don't even smell anything. In fact, it is like clockwork! I wake up, and I know as soon as I get up I am going to be gagging. It is to the point where I am having issues brushing my teeth, and today at work I had to rush some poor woman off the phone then I ran to the bathroom and gagged for the next 5 min.

Also, when I first realized I was pregnant I cried. A LOT. Now, it just seems like I am pissed. I was soooo cranky last night at every little thing. My poor husband and son have been ever so patient.

I know pregnancy symptoms don't make or break a pregnancy, but it does feel assuring that *something* is happening.

I'm having the EXACT SAME stuff, I could've written this myself. I told my DF yesterday that i'm ready for him to come home so I can be pissy to him in person. I was kidding.....mostly. My normal attitude is feeling like i'm at the end of my rope. It's ridiculous!!

 

[Bubbles1088]

You sound just like me. I found out only 3 days ago at 9 DPO. Taken 4 tests so far and want to do more but DH says no more testing for a week because it is making me crazy. My lines are definitely darkening, but not as much back pain anymore but still mild cramping from my uterus growing. I wake up in the middle of the night and worry myself so much. Then I get worried about worrying! It's a vicious cycle. I want to enjoy my pregnancy and not worry so much about mc! I totally understand your plight!

Also I don't see the doctor until the 19th. Wish I saw her earlier! I thought they'd at least want to do bloodwork or something.

 

[Babygirl3289]

Oh good! I thought I was the only one thinking these things! I have 1 daughter and am expecting my 2nd child. I am almost 5 weeks (roughly). And all I think about is hoping that the baby will be healthy and normal and without birth defects, and hoping I don't miscarry. This must be normal worries as a pregnant woman God has a plan and a reason for everything. Im just excited for the 1st appointment on the 18th! I hope it flies by! I have a feeling this pregnancy will feel like forever!