too young?!

[EmmySocks]

Just wondered if anyone else has had a similar situation. Please share your stories too.

My parents, particularly my mum, feel strongly that we are too young to even think about starting a family anytime soon. She makes this clear - regularly! Obviously i was more ok with this before but i'm now 24, we have our own place, both have good jobs and we've been married for 2 and a half years!

I don't know what more i can do! I don't to upset them. I know they only want the best for us but Mum won't even talk about it. We're not waiting for her approval/ she's not the reason we're waiting but it's getting on my nerves.

Does anyone else have someone trying to discourage them? What was their excuse? What did you do? How did it work out?

Em xxx

 

[BlueWater]

I haven't got advice. But just wanted to say, now that I'm 27 with no kids, I think having a baby at 24 is a good idea. The longer I leave it the less "good quality" eggs I'll have (well in theory)
Women's bodies are meant to have babies in their early 20s (also in theory)

In your case you have a good jobs and live together.
Just go for it.
As someone once told me, when the baby comes along, no one can be mad at a baby.
Good luck.

Also be prepared a baby does change your world (so I've been told)

 

[meg_bellamy]

Wow your mum should mind her own business! It sounds like you guys are in a good position to start a family, so if you want to do it, just do it!

 

[storm4mozza]

I started TTC at 19 and got pregnant at 19, first child was born at 20 and my second was born when i was 22. My mom and dad were always supportive but i was so so scared of telling them, i thought they would always think i was too young.

Some people have tried to convince me not to try for baby number 3, calling me crazy and saying i won't cope its not nice but i don't need their approval.

I understand your not after your mom's approval just tell her its bothering you, your an adult not a child and your married, in your own home and both in good jobs! Your mom is obviously strong in her opinions but its your life not hers.
Good Luck x

 

[Autumn leaves]

I'd say go for it.

It's your life and you know what's best in your head/heart .

I'm 22 and come our ttc, I think my mum/dad will be surprised. Dad more so than mum. But like you we have good strong foundations. Good jobs, been together and lived together a long time, etc etc!

x

 

[EmmySocks]

Thanks everyone!

BlueWater- i'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks like that

I'm still waiting for hubby to be ready but i feel like my mum encourages his doubts. He was up for giving it a year after we got married (2012) but now he's saying things my mum says like "we're young we've got the rest of our lives to worry about kids" and "think about how much better we'll be financially when we're older"!

While I'm happy to wait for him to be ready I feel like we're going backwards because my parents are putting doubts in his mind!

I'm hoping I might be able to talk to her about it soon, I want to reassure her but sort of tell her to butt out in the nicest possible way!

 

[AP]

Such a shame she cant be behind you, but, she probably bases her reasons on her own experiences. My mum didnt mind, because she too had her first at the same age.(22)My Mum had me at 29 weeks, I had my first at 27 weeks, I guess she didnt doubt my ability to cope if something happened, because she coped.
MIL had a bad time post natally and mentioned it, she was always rude when she found out i was expecting, never joyful. Perhaps she wanted a 2nd but didnt dare? I dunno

I dont think you should feel you have to reassure her, if it happens, then she will just have to accept at that time. TTC and having a baby is a very personal choice and she should certainly not be saying anything to your OH. She shouldnt be making comments, its quite inappropriate when you've grown up and have your own life

 

[Springermommy]

My mom has always been on the overly cautious side and to be honest, her opinions hurt sometimes. When I brought up trying recently, she said, "Just wait til you're done with school!" We will both be 30 this year, have a house and 2 good jobs. Hoping she's not upset that we won't be waiting an extra 6 months until I'm done. At the end of the day, though, it's our decision. I love my mom but she hasn't taken a single risk in her life and she's pretty rigid about what's acceptable. I know how you feel! I would just go with what you guys think is best. Sounds like you're ready!

 

[KalonKiki]

Honestly I think that it could simply be that to your mom you will always be her baby, so she will always see you as "too young" to do things like have a baby when realistically you are not. It could also be that really she feels that she is too young to become a grandmother. How old was she when she had you? You are most certainly not too young to have a baby though, if all goes according to plan I will be having my second child at your age (I'm 23 now, my birthday is in October, and we're planning to TTC this summer). I think that you are at one of the best ages to be having your first. You're old enough to be done with college if you only went for a 4 year degree (if you went to college), you said that you and your DH both have stable jobs, you've been married longer than most people wait after getting married to start trying for a baby, and you're still young enough that you don't have to worry about issues with the baby or pregnancy and you can have just about whatever age gaps you want between your kids if you decide to have more than one.

 

[EmmySocks]

Yes i know she probably feels a bit young to be a grandmother! but i think that's because her own parents were much older when she had me (i'm the oldest). My mum was 23 when she had me, she had her second at 25 so even if i was to conceive now, i would be 25 by the time i had #1. This doesn't matter to her though she says she doesn't regret but warns me to enjoy myself before i have a family. To be fair she said the same thing when we got married and i didn't listen to her then!

 

[RaspberryK]

Not too young imo, I had ds at 24 and I wish we hadn't waited that long.
Xx

 

[ssarahh]

I don't think your too young. It sounds like you are in a great position to have children!

Your mum will come round to the idea I am sure. My mum encourages me to have children (I think she would like my children to be a similar age to their cousins - her other grandchildren) but my MIL thinks I should wait until I am 25 like she did with her first. If all goes to plan, we would have had our first when I am 23/24.

Best of luck with everything.

 

[cupcake.]

I also don't think you're too young and it sounds like you're in a perfect position to start a family to me
But while i understand that you're not waiting for your mom's approval i can imagine that it must bug you. And also the part that her talk is encouraging the doubts your husband has must be tough.

My OH and I are currenty wtt until august and I'm only 22 (23 when we start trying, OH is 27). Noone has actually said that we're too young to have kids but that's probably because noone would expect us trying at our current age. In our community it's pretty common, if not "normal" and "expected" to have kids well into the 30s, which even when I was in my early teens I always knew I didn't want that.

OH and me are counting on a lot of surprised people and maybe even criticism when the time comes and we are expecting our first child. But I feel like the most important thing is that you as a couple realistically talk about your situation and when you feel like you are ready, noone should make you feel bad for it.

 

[KalonKiki]

Mom's have a nack for giving unwarranted advice to their daughters because they either wish that they had done the same or simply because they believe it's what's best for them. Mine keeps begging me to go one and done and not have anymore babies. I've made it clear to her that after having 5 biological children and not regretting it that there is no way that she can stop me from having one or two more children. Try to take your mother's advice with a grain of salt, she'll likely still have opinions even after you're pregnant. Ultimately it is your decision what you do and when though, so take comfort in the fact that while your mom may still think that she's the boss of your life that you are an adult now and get to make your own choices and there isn't really a thing that she can do about it.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I had my 3rd at 25 and think it was a lovely age to have a child x

 

[MamaByrd]

Sounds like our moms are eerily similar! I've honestly learned to drown out her unwarranted "advice". It's my life and I'm going to live it how I want. I'm your age and we're TTC next year. Best of luck.

 

[littlesteph]

I had my 1st at 24, found out I was pregnant with him 3 days before my birthday after trying 2 years for him. I don't think 24 is too young at all. I think its actually a pretty good age.

 

[NovemberSnow]

I think 24 can be too young for some people, but it sounds like you're settled and in a great place already! Hope you and your DH reach a compromise soon. I'm sure your mum will get used to the idea too.

 

[Firefly Skies]

I don't think so, as long as you're emotionally and financially prepared. DH and I got married at 24 and 22 respectively, and we sort of NTNP for a couple months before officially moving onto TTC. That's young, yes, but I felt we were in a good position to do so. Now he's 26 and I'm 24, I feel even more strongly that we're at the right point in our lives to start a family (if my PCOS doesn't get in the way).

We haven't been very open about TTC. For one, I'm a private person. Two, I feel it just invites unwarranted advice that I'm not looking for (everyone has an opinion when it comes to parenthood). No one has really said anything, except for my father-in-law. He made a comment in passing that he's not ready to be a grandfather yet, and we just kind of chuckled it off.

My opinion is, everyone's going to be chock-full of opinions. When to have a kid is just the tip of the iceberg-- some people were hounding us the day we got married, others told us to wait 5 or 10 years. It's no one's life but your own, and no one's kid(s) but your own. If someone's being negative about you TTC, don't bring up the subject, and ignore them then do what you feel is right for you.

 

[CandiceSj]

I went through something similar. I had my first young at 20 and it definitely wasn't my parents dream for me but there was no conversation since she was a wanted surprise.

But for my second I was 24 when I started wanting another and even then my parents weren't exactly on board. They didn't think it was the right time and would've wanted that I finally take advantage of being a young woman now that my daughter was less high needs and more independent, easier to get babysat etc. I had to do what was right for me and like me, they couldn't imagine life without him