Trashy MIL

[numommy2b]

Just have to vent for a moment. MIL is so trashy! Every time she asks us over for a family dinner she has a new guy there as well. Makes for an entirely awkward evening where half of us are staring at the tv and half of us are staring at the floor. She never finds a quality guy either so we're all just waiting for this one to turn sour. I don't think I can ever trust her to babysit (and she's already been asking) because I don't trust any of the men in her life. On top of that, at 'family dinner' last night as LO and I were breastfeeding 3 feet from the front door (she lives in a travel trailer, everything is cramped) she opens it and starts smoking!! While standing inside and just blowing the smoke out!! So not only were we freezing our asses off but LO was getting a nice dose of second hand smoke. Everything from LO's hair to our diaper bag came home smelling like her nasty perfume and smoke. I was so pissed but I was uncomfortable saying anything. Was shocked mostly. It's amazing how OH is such a decent and stable guy compared to his mother. She's a piece of work. The more I get to know her the less time I want LO spending with her. Vent over.

 

[rjm09]

So don't go over anymore.

 

[Samah007]

My MIL is similar except that she always gets in physically abusive relationships (where her and the guy fight each other.) The last time we went there, she was arguing with the boyfriend in front of LO and the other grandchildren. That and another situation with DH's cousin slapping her son (a toddler) in the face caused us to leave. We haven't seen them since.

 

[missk1989]

I agree with pp don't go over. Tell her she can come to you then you can set the ground rules.

 

[Hunbun]

Could your OH not have a word with her about the smoking? I understand how it is difficult for you to bring up the subject but she is his mother so ask him to do it. She obviously is making the effort to go to the door so she might not realise some of it is blowing back at LO.

As for the men, you could say that if she wants to babysit LO then it should just be her that is there at the time. Her boyfriend (of the time) is new to LO's life and it is important to you and your OH that they aren't properly introduced to LO right away. If she isn't happy with that, don't let her babysit.

Or like PP says ask her to your instead. I think it would be a shame to not let her see LO without talking to her about it first.

 

[SaraEmily]

I'm in the same situation. My MIL lives with a drug addict who is abusive, and they both smoke in the house. We've never brought LO there because of this, so now she tells everyone that I'm trying to keep LO away from her. I guess I am in a way, but it's her fault and she knows this.

Maybe you could tell her that she's free to come visit LO, but that you won't be going to her house? That's what we do. That way you can set the rules about smoking.

 

[Scottish mum]

You can't choose your in laws! Unfortunatley! We don't have trailers here take it it's just like a caravan lived in permanently x

 

[numommy2b]

My MIL is similar except that she always gets in physically abusive relationships (where her and the guy fight each other.) The last time we went there, she was arguing with the boyfriend in front of LO and the other grandchildren. That and another situation with DH's cousin slapping her son (a toddler) in the face caused us to leave. We haven't seen them since.

That's horrible

 

[numommy2b]

I like the idea of asking MIL to come here, especially if she were to ever babysit because my parents live just next door in case anything were to happen.

 

[Mummy2B21]

Oh gosh I would of got up and moved instead sitting there letting my LO breath in the smoke!

 

[numommy2b]

Oh gosh I would of got up and moved instead sitting there letting my LO breath in the smoke!

Wouldn't have made a difference. The entire room is maybe 7 feet by 4 feet. The smoke was every where