Traumatic births

[purpledahlia]

Anyone else have one?

Its been 8 days and even thinking about it makes me well up still, i feel like im being a cow when i say i dont wanna talk about it but i just cant..

 

[JayleighAnn]

Mine wasn't traumatic as such, but it wasn't how I wanted it (I planned a home water birth, ended up with a hospital bed bound birth, I fainted, Halen had a clip on his head and I had one of them horrible pulse monitors on my finger and a contraction strap around my belly)

I still cry at how it turned out and how much I hate my midwife for messing it all up for me, all I can think is if she had done her job properly and sorted the homebirth out instead of leaving it until 39+4 to do the risk assessment, then I would of have my dream birth with no medical invention.

So not the same, but I understand how you feel

 

[polly78]

Mine was not at all what i planned, i had hoped for a water birth but as it was my BP was getting high and blood platelets low so they decided to induce me at 38 weeks - i only went in on tuesday for blood tests and they kept me in and induced me on the wed, the contractions started initially and then after having some pethedine to sleep that night they stopped again, so i then had 2 more lots of the induction drugs after being told they were short staffed so would need to wait, then the contractions kicked in again at 2am on the friday morning and all was going well until they manually broke my waters and ouch that was agony so i was then desperate for an epidural which itself didnt work properly and had to keep being topped up.
I spent most of the time strapped upto the CTG and on the bed for the next 21 hours with several examinations when they finally sussed i was fully dilated - it took them by complete surprise and they only realised when i was getting pains again and they thought they better check before getting someone to top up the epidural again... so then i had an hour of pushing only for them to tell me she was now back to back and not planning on coming out easily so they took me to theatre and tried the ventrouse before realising that wasnt working and giving me an emergency section.

Its a real shame as i was feeling really positive about giving birth before hand, now i am quite scared to attempt a natural birth for my next as i only have 60% chance of it happening and whoever says the pain instantly is forgotten, lied as even now 2 weeks later i still remember it all but it was all worth it as my daughter is perfect and she was born happy and healthy and i cant fault the midwives who helped me, they were lovely its just one of those things

 

[Rachel_C]

I didn't have what other people would consider a traumatic birth but it was most definitely not what I wanted or planned and I still cry about it now if I think about it too much. For the first few weeks after Leyla was born, I used to go for a long soak in the bath every night and have a good cry. My husband nearly stopped me having baths because he thought they were upsetting me too much (!) but actually, I think it really helped. If I didn't have my daily cry, I would get panic attacks... it was just horrible. What really helped me was to write it all down. It was good to get it out and then my husband asked if he could read it. I think he was quite shocked - he had no idea I felt how I do about it and he was a lot more supportive after that.

I hope you find a way of making yourself feel better. If you think you're feeling worse than you should, maybe try talking to your health visitor or doctor about it and they could offer some suggestions.

 

[Scally]

I had a traumatic birth, and it made me cry whenever i thought about it. I did say to my OH yesterday that it no longer seems that traumatic, and i read through my birth story on here, looking at it from my view now, and it was so much easier to revisit. Dont get me wrong i am going to try and do an elective c section next time, as i cant go through all that again, but the memory definitely faded for me.

 

[Tegans Mama]

Mine was very traumatic. I typed it out on here a few days ago and I'll find it and copy and paste it here soon.

16 months on, I still have nightmares about it. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever been through. It was horrible.

Here it is -
I was in labour for 18 hours and got to 9cm's when the docs decided I needed a c-section. I had an epidural beforehand (after 9 hours of labour and a LOT of pain) which conveniently stopped working when I was in theatre. I could feel every cut, and I felt sick, dizzy, faint, I told them it hurt but no one listened. By the time they took noticed I was crying and hysterical. I don't remember Tegan actually being born - I only remember the pain, and shaking, and not being able to move or have ANY pain relief afterwards for 36 hours. I had a major bleed when I was on the table and lost half of the blood in my body. I got an infection and needed a chest x-ray. Honestly, it was the worst thing I have ever been through.

Unluckily for me, I had no choice but to be on my feet and walking when Tegan was 3 days old, as she was in hospital until she was eight weeks old. I was back in hospital when she was 6 days though, I was so ill, with a headache so bad I couldn't stand up and I kept falling asleep/passing out sat in the chair beside Tegans bed. I spent a month on really really strong painkillers and antibiotics.

 

[kirsten1985]

I still can't talk about mine. When people ask about it I just say it didn't go very well and I'd rather not talk about it. I don't care if people think I'm awkward or whatever, I'd rather not end up crying in front of people, which is inevitable.

I find it worse however hearing or reading about people's good/easy births, because I have no choice, and usually have to listen.

I hope it gets easier at some point, but can't see it happening anytime soon, I think I maybe have to have the birth I want, which may never happen now, before I begin to accept it.

 

[JayleighAnn]

 

[booflebump]

Any birth where you dont have the outcome you dreamed of can have lasting effects. I knew of one woman who was so fixated on having an epidural that she was terribly affected by her speedy, natural delivery. You went through a very hard ordeal to get your little one here, and you should be proud that you got through it x

 

[Jolinar]

Not so much the birth but things that happened after. I'm still pained by having to have a section, it's really hard to convey to people the sense of loss I feel over it and the BF problems we're having afterwards. People assume I feel I've failed somehow but I don't, I feel cheated simple as that and it's no ones fault.

Huge

 

[Blondie2008]

I had a bit of trauma during the birth. I didnt realise how much it affected me until about 2 months later. I kept thinking about it over and over again and questioning my husband about exactly what had happened. They had to call for the crash team and i kept asking who exactly all the people were etc etc. In the end i couldnt even drive past the hospital without feeling like breaking down in tears.

My husband called my HV in the end and they sent me to the local crisis team. It all changed from there and i feel far more positive about it. It is hard but it'll get easier as time goes on.

Still never having another one mind ;-)

xx

 

[Rachelsam]

I had a horrific experience with Emma, And after a totally easy birth with Taylor it came as such a shock!

After a full day of labour and things going wrong I ended up having a crash c section with Emma. Totally not what I had planned. It's awful thinking back to it but we are both healthy now and I try not to think about it too much - Which is hard.

 

[philly_bear24]

I am still not over mine at all. They found severe pre-eclampsia when I was in labour at 39+5 and had to rush all over the place - give me drugs to take my BP down, induce me to get it going cut me and use forceps in the end. Imogen's heart rate went SO low and it was terrifying. I still can't talk about it without wanting to just cry.

 

[purpledahlia]

I really want to write a birth story but i cant bring myself to do it, i tried in hospital and it took me 5 days to write around a 3rd, My NCT class teacher stopped by before we left the hospital and without me knowing was telling my mum its been proven recently that a lot of people around 6 weeks after giving birth if they feel the same as i do now are getting wrongly diagnosed with pnd when its actually post traumatic stress, i dunno if i have either, but i just feel like crying all the time when i think about it. Its not even so much the fact it ended in a section, i kinda always knew it would, its more all the 4 days and build up and everything that happened before it. Then after when i was in hospital. I discharged myself on xmas eve and now on 8 pills 3 times a day and im worried my wound is getting infected, still really ill. I just wish it had been simpler and quicker, i made the mistake of telling the first person who visited kinda each thing and nearly fainted and spiked a temp /dizzy/sick etc. Just not sure what im meant to do now..

 

[jamielou]

Hi hun it does get easier i promise

I went for a sweep and went straight into labour after but at that appt we found out i had pre eclampsia so they wanted me straight in, went home came back was 5cm but they still put the drip on to induce me. Had no time for pain relief just gas and air had a strap round my belly had an episotomy and ventouse delivery then ha a massive post partum bleed (2l loss) then to top it off i went to maternity high dependancy and had more drama there where a family memberburst in on me when i was so not ready. Was shaking all the time was really scared.

It affected me for a while and when i look back i do feel sad the delivery was not how i wanted but i tell you once i got m first smiles and laughs i soon forget.

 

[gracegrace]

Just not sure what im meant to do now..

I would sat, treat yourself very, very gently. Allow your mum to look after you. Take up every offer of support you need. If it's possible, don't attempt to do anything other than feed and change and bond with Ava.

I've had PTSD, though not associated with giving birth (which was far from what I wanted, though not traumatic as such)... and so honestly I feel for you.

From what I've read, the best way to prevent PTSD from developing is to talk about the painful or traumatic experiences. So as much as it feels too much for now, it's something that will help in the long term. It doesn't have to be to a professional, and it doesn't have to be face to face. Maybe you could talk to your NCT class leader? Or post your birth story here as you feel able to write it, just a few sentences at a time..? Hypnosis really helped me, too.

 

[Elski]

I had a horrendous experience (baby was born just over 2 weeks ago) and I find it extremely difficult to talk about it. I cry constantly even just thinking about it and the couple of people who I have managed to tell have welled-up too which makes me even more upset so I've not told anyone else.

I went to see a psychotherapist to ask advice as to what I should do with regards to dealing with it and she said I'm suffering post-traumatic stress and should talk to my GP (which I don't want to do as I've completely and utterly lost faith in the medical profession). She also advised that I should try and talk about it as often as possible as part of the healing process. She helped me identify a lot of the feelings I was experiencing but perhaps not recognising - anger, guilt, grief, helplessness, fear - and suggested counselling. I'm trying to find a counsellor that specialises in traumatic birth experiences but I still don't feel ready to talk about it all fully yet, so will maybe leave it a couple of months. Everything just feels so muddled in my head and there's so much information to sift through and try and make sense of.

I'm just taking it a day at a time, some days I can't even look at my baby without crying and others I feel better about it. We've all been through shocking experiences and it's going to take time to get over it. Perhaps if you can't bring yourself to talk about it, you could write everything down? Write your feelings in a journal every day so that there's at least some kind of outlet. Most of all though, be nice to yourself, take care of you and the baby and don't force yourself to talk about anything you don't want to...

Big hugs,
Els xx

 

[lozenge]

Hiya hun

I can sympathise. My birth was moreorless straightforward (but horrendous pain, 2 days prior in early labour, vomiting constantly, couldn't speak until I had the epidural), but it was what happened immediately after. My waters had meconium in, and my LO had inhaled meconium whilst in the birth canal. So when he was born I got a brief glimpse of him before they realised he was having trouble breathing and they didn't know why. He ended up on antibiotics in SCBU for a week. Not at all what I had expected.- I expected my first night in hospital was for my baby to be by my side in his cot, not downstairs in SCBU. I felt cheated and I well up everytime I read a birth story where everything goes to plan.


I hope next time it will be different. Maybe speak to your Health Visitor? xx

 

[Kbee]

It is scary if you keep revisiting a traumatic experience. when I tell people my birth story they sometimes say how lucky I am cos it was quick, but tbh I still feel when I think about it,,,,,I was driving by myself in a rural area when my waters broke 5 weeks early, I got to my mw's office and he came out there and then on her couch, breech and not breathing. It will get better hun, but maybe try nd talk to someone, in the meantime spoil yourself!
xx

 

[Lullaby2010]

My whole pregnancy was traumatic and not at all what I'd hoped for. After three losses I'd looked forward to enjoying my pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet my little one.

I'd been alking a lot to build up stamina, my epilepsy was under reasonable control, and we planned a home water-hypno birth.

4 months in I had dsp, seizures had gone astronomically bad, and I was told I had pre-eclampsia. By the end of my 5th month I was in a wheelchair, had developed gestational diabetes, and oedema so bad I couldn't even bend my knees.

7 and a half months I developed swelling and major pain in genital area and was told it was a bartholins abscess.

8 months I was in hospital in severe agony, I couldn't move an inch without screaming.

It turned out that the swelling (which by now was 3 swellings, each the size of a tennis ball) was actually pooled blood due to constriction of abdominal veins preventing blood flow up to my heart.

A few days later I had a complete placental abruption and an emergency c-section with an epidural that although helped tremendously, in no way took away all the pain.

I then found out if they'd left the c-section till the next day as they'd planned to, we wouldn't have survived the night as I had tremendous internal bleeding due to the abruption and next to no blood getting up to my heart.

After the birth I was left in pain frequently by night staff who refused to help me when needed or to administer pain relief when it was due. At one point I was left for 3 and a half hours in agony despite the fact I was meant to have morphine topped up every 4 hours due to all the pain I was in with everything that had happened.

I got no support for breast feeding or expressing and have ended up formula feeding as a result which I really didn't want to do - not that there's anything wrong with it, just that after everything I thought it would be essential to build up that bond between us. Luckily we are still bomding very well

I was reccommended to stay in hospital over christmas and preferably new year, but was so unhappy with the care I was recieving I insisted on going home on Christmas eve so I could at least be at home with my partner where I knew I would at least be taken care of.

With everything that has happened I have been completely put off of having any more children, yet I am so thankful I have my gorgeous little Ruby. She was worth every moment of pain I had and still have.

I hated the whole experience, but I love being a mummy, and I feel lucky that we both survived.

Ruby is and always will be my miracle baby xxx