trouble coping!

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by 9babiesgone, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. 9babiesgone

    9babiesgone 2 kids-17angels

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    I cannot stop crying. I am so anxious about trying again. I know it is the only way I can get past this. I am just so sad, and every time I turn around people are throwing it in my face that they are pregnant or wont stop talking about pregnancy around me. I tis so hurtful. Iam trying to be strong but I cant. I really cant. how do you cope??:cry:
    :nope:
     
  2. KateC

    KateC Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry that you feel this way. How long has it been? Do you think that TTC has brought everything back a little stronger for the moment, or that you're still recovering from a more recent miscarriage?

    I think that it's very important to separate yourself and our situation from that of everyone around you. I don't think that anyone is trying to rub it in your face that they're pregnant or have babies, but I can understand how it's a topic that you're very sensitive to right now. Every time you feel that it's too much, take a deep breath and remind yourself, "this is no reflection on me." Because it's not. You didn't miscarry because you deserved that terrible fate, you miscarried because it's bad luck. These things happen, and you didn't do anything wrong.

    You'll get your turn, I know it. And when your time comes, whether it be soon after you start trying or after more time or even more difficulty, it will be the most amazing thing, and all of this hardship will be worth it, because it will have shaped the fate that led to your baby and your family.

    Not trying to say that you should be happy about your miscarriage, just that your future holds such positive, wonderful things that are tied to these very dark days you're experiencing now.

    If you need to take a break from certain friends for the moment for the sake of your healing, then take a step back, but in the long run, I think it's important to separate yourself from other people's experiences. You'll get there.

    Love and strength in the meantime.
     
  3. pinkflamingo

    pinkflamingo Mummy to an angel x

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    I am so sorry for your losses.

    i see from your post that you have 9 angels, so I can more than understand why you feel you need to concentrate on the next step forward in order to get past this sad time. Have you been given any reasons as to why you may be miscarrying? if so is there any support network, maybe through your fertility hospital etc, that can offer you any help / counselling?

    Sending you hugs and wishing you every good luck for the future xx
     
  4. xSamanthax

    xSamanthax DD1, DS1 and 1 Angel

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    I am so sorry for your losses hun :hugs: Take each day as it comes, if you need to cry then cry, Like KateC said maybe you need to take a step back from certain friends to heal more??

    Sending you lots of :hugs: and i hope when you are ready to TTC again you get a BFP and a healthy pregnancy
     
  5. croydongirl

    croydongirl Well-Known Member

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    Let yourself grieve. Give your heart time to heal. I have had 4 m/c, and I know that some days I just want to stay in bed and let the tears come. But those days pass, and the sun shines again.
    Allow yourself time to be sad, angry, scared but ,make sure you have people around you to be a support, and be open to the joyful things in your life too.

    I am sorry you are struggling. Saying a prayer for peace for your heart today x
     
  6. mummyk2b

    mummyk2b wtt (investigations)

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    after only one loss, i know there is nothing to be said to make me feel better so i don't know what i can say to help you, other than i am extremely sorry to hear about your losses and am thinking of you.

    give into your feelings whenever you can... i truly believe it will help you to heal.

    i know that pregnancy all around is difficult to handle... i am sure people do not mean to upset you and would be devastated if they realised how you feel.

    i hope you have a good support network at home and know you do on here.

    i really am sending you lots of hugs and love... i can't imagine how you feel right now.

    much love, k.xx
     
  7. mummyk2b

    mummyk2b wtt (investigations)

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    ps: i cope with the medicine of hugs and cuddles! i talk to my little one, and tell him/her that i can't wait to meet them and that we'll keep trying to create a perfect little body for him/her. i talk to my dh. i cry when i need to. i cuddle a little toy i bought for our little one. i stand in a crowd and realise that each person around me is a product of a successful pregnancy, who is only here because of their parents, so two more successful pregnancies. i think of people who have had a successful pregnancy and why they needed that blessing more than we did. i write in my journal. i speak to women on here and i look for inspirational stories.

    i'm not sure if any of these things will help you... i think the coping is such a personal thing that it's hard to advise others with.
     
  8. dimplesmagee

    dimplesmagee 2 boys,2 angels,expecting

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    I really do not have anything new to say from what the other women wrote...but I wanted to express my sympathy once again.

    I have had two MC in the past 3 months. I feel as though I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride since I found out we were expecting our 2nd child in August. I just had my D & C for my 2nd loss on Wednesday. Saturday-Wednesday I was physically feeling awful, and therefore emotionally felt nothing. Wed/Thurs I had people here helping me with my little man. Friday was my first day by myself and I felt so blah. Saturday was full of family again, and today I have had moments of feeling crabby and down.

    I cope by surrounding myself with family and friends. I have a 17 month old little boy who only needs to smile at me, and for that moment I feel a sense of joy. I tend to clean and organize, and staying busy helps. Before after a busy day, and things got quiet at the end of the day, I felt the need to cry and I did. I allowed myself to feel b/c there was no other option. This time I signed up for Volleyball, and started talking about summer softball. My husband and I may take a vacation to Venice, Italy.

    But one can do all these things but it does not erase what happened and it does not erase the love that you/we have for each of the children we have lost. I can play a 100volleyball games but at the end of the day I will still feel sad. I need to allow myself time to heal, and as much as my husband and I want to be pregnant we are trying to be realistic. My body has been through hell and back this past week...so my body needs time to heal. I am giving myself things to look forward to, to take pressure off of trying to get pregnant. We will try again when I am physically, mentally, and emotionally strong enough. At this time, I am weak in every way.

    Watching others make progress in their pregnancy at times is hard, but I am thankful they do not need to feel what I have felt. I don't think others mean to make you feel bad, but may be losing sight of things in their excitement of everything.

    I don't know if anything I have said has helped, sorry so long!...I will add you to my prayers at night that you will find comfort, strength, and healing.
     
  9. 9babiesgone

    9babiesgone 2 kids-17angels

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    thank you all so very much!! I love your support. and today was hard, as my husband told me he doesnt want to try again for a few years. nad I told him, I couldnt handle waiting that long to be disappointed again, and bc I dont think my body will be up to par handling an newborn by then! I have a disability, and I think by age 27 or 28, I will be in a wheelchair, and I just dont want to have an newborn then. so I am kinda frustrated, bc Iam 24 now! I dont know if I am going to have any more kids now. IT is so upsetting, bc I really want to find out what is wrong and go from there. and then try again, but now my husband is getting really different views on it, so I t hink I am just frustrated.
     
  10. pinkflamingo

    pinkflamingo Mummy to an angel x

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    Oh hun I am sorry that your OH has said that. Maybe it is just a reaction to the grief and he is trying to protect you both from this pain. My OH has told me that he feels so useless as there is nothing that he can do to make this better for me. Maybe your OH thinks that if he says he doesn't want to try for a few years, then there is no more of this pain for that time.
    Grief is a personal thing and you both need as much time as it takes to be ready to move on from this. I am sure that your OH will be ready to talk about ttc again when he feels a bit emotionally stronger and you can sit down and talk about the future. I just said in another post that I believe the desire to have children will always be naturally stronger in women. We can go through these things in life, and as much as we get emotionally battered by them, we still want to continue on the ttc journey as our desire to be mothers is naturally there. Men experience this pain and it scares them to death, and they think the way to prevent feeling like that again is to say that they don't want kids anymore, or not for a few years etc.
    Good luck hun and don't give up. You must be an incredibly strong woman to have come this far and I take my hat off to you!

    xxxx
     

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