Trying for #2 but nervous and unsure

[JleStar]

Before my son was born my husband and I planned on trying for #2 when DS was a year old. Well, so much for our plans! My son will be 2 in April and we are now just talking about TTC #2, except I'm not feeling excited or it. Is this normal? My first pregnancy and labor where great....no horror stories to tell there. However, my postpartum experience was pretty stressful. My DS still does not sttn. I nursed him for a year....he was constantly on me. I was so sleep deprived and drained. Right before he turned a year I started having crazy anxiety along with panic attacks that sent me to the hospital. Because I was constantly feeling anxious it led to depression. It was such an incredibly hard time. I must also mention that during tht time my brother was diagnosed with cancer. He passed from it in August.
I started getting all kinds of weird symptoms from dizziness to twitching in my legs to stomach pain. Everyone thinks it was stress because of the tough year I had which bings me to the point of ths post.......I want more children but am afraid of reliving the same stress that almost put me out.
I want my son to have a sibling as I did but can't erase the creeping thoughts of fear.
Just hoping someone out there can give me some advice.
Thanks

 

[xcharx]

Sounds like you had a hard time
did the doctor ever diagnose what was wrong? Did they give you any treatment?
do you live in the uk? Was just thinking maybe you could plan so that you have a baby when LO goes to nursery? Maybe that would help ease you

 

[JleStar]

I have seen so many doctors. The psychiatrist i saw after my time in the hospital felt I had a panic disorder and wanted me on meds. I refused and basically was told that if I didn't take meds then I would end up in the hospital again soon. He was wrong. I changed my diet, tried to get sun, forced myself to smile and caught up on rest. It was definitely not easy. I wouldn't have been able to do it without the great support system I had.
The more I think about having more kids the more it makes me evaluate my life now. At the moment I have not suffered from any anxiety, panic or depression but things are Not perfect. My husband and I argue a lot about everything. Our relationship has suffered the most, I think having another baby would make it worst. He seems to be optimistic about the entire thing, almost like brushing it off.
I'm so confused. And upset. We just fought again as we were trying to organize ds's playroom. .
I ovulate tomorrow. I guess it's obvious that the time is not right. But when will it be? Our relationship is changed for good. We don't have time for one another.

 

[Curligurl]

I don't think that things have to be perfect in order to have a child ...however I believe that children enhance a relationship (make good relationship better and make bad relationships worse)...so if you and hubby fight all the time and have little time for each other then I think adding another baby may make things a little harder. Obviously I don't know all the details of your relationship but if I felt the way you described I would be very hesitant to added another child to the mix right now. Have you thought about marriage counseling?

 

[Aims13h]

First, I would like to extend my condolences on the loss of your brother. Losing a sibling changes a person forever. I'm sure you are still grieving, which can be tough in any relationship.
I had the same plans as you...to ttc baby #2 when DS turned a year. Well, a year came and went very fast! I had lost of anxiety about not being able to love another as much as DS1, I was afraid of having another c-section (my first was emergency) and worried about the juggling of 2 kids.
Once DS1 was old enough to ask for a baby (a little over 2 1/2) we decided that maybe it was time. My second pregnancy was much better than the first, the c-section was "a breeze".
I did, however, have ppd much worse than the first time...I think it's because my husband was working more because I became a sahm.
I was able to reach out for help, go on medication for a couple of months and get back to myself. And here I am, crazy enough to do it all again! Lol
It's a big decision to make. On a quiet night sit down with your hubby to find out what you both truly want.
Sending hugs your way!

 

[JleStar]

Hello ladies,
I really appreciate your responses.

I know my husband and I love each other very much but we are just under too much stress without too much alone time for us to reconnect. We just get through the daily grind of life. We bicker about dumb things but those things start piling up and resentments build. He actually told me before that he doesn't even feel I am a good friend to him let alone a good wife. That really stabbed me in the heart.
Marriage counseling? I thought about it but I know how hubby feels about it...not willing.
We just lost each other in all the craziness of life. yes, still grieving my brother and thankyou for your condolences. It was so hard to watch him go through it all. He was only 19. He was so strong till the very end.

I have to take some responsibility for my actions. Maybe I haven't been the best wife lately but I am beginning to realize that I may be still angry about my brother. I don't know. I just wish we could get back to that place where we were madly in love and excited to have children together.

Thanks again ladies. Crying like a baby. Maybe he will talk to me now.

 

[JleStar]

Just a quick update....So we decided to go ahead and TTC #2. WE love each other, we want to be together till were old, we want a big family. We talked and realized that our biggest issues were lack of communicating ones feelings and also giving attitudes when we are tired. I have to just pray that we can remember our talk and get back to that good place we once were at.

So I officially started BMing last night after our nice talk. Today is O day, hoping to get lucky on the first try. Good luck ladies

 

[babyjan]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother and all the stress you've been through

I'm extremely nervous and my son is 2 but still like a baby to me, he wakes constantly during the night, still nurses and bedshares, his also super clingy! I'm not 100% ready for no.2 but I just don't want to wait any longer iykwim? If I found I'm pregnant this cycle I will be over the moon especially knowing I've been able to conceive after depo but anxious at the same time?

My son will be almost 3 if I get pregnant anytime soon, my pregnancy wasn't too bad but I had terrible morning sickness till about 4/5 months! Really bad headaches, was told I had low platelets so I was basically in and out of hospital getting bloody tests every week during my last trimester, labour wasn't great so with all that I'm kinda scared of having another but I know it will be all worth it in the end xx