Trying Not to Be Angry or Upset

WishinNHopin

New Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2016
Messages
2
Reaction score
0
Hello Everyone,
Even as I type this, I am fighting tears as my husband sleeps beside me. We just celebrated our anniversary in Disney World, but I had trouble even enjoying the trip. We've been trying to conceive for about 8 months now. The night before leaving for our anniversary trip, my husband's younger brother and his wife video chatted my husband to tell him that he's going to be an uncle. I was in the other room and vaguely overheard it. My husband didn't tell me. I finally asked him about it the next day once we got to Florida. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me or ruin our trip and that he planned to tell me once we returned. I felt lied to, but really I wished I hadn't overheard the video chat at all.

In my family, I'm amongst the oldest of the cousins, first to graduate college, first to receive a master's degree, and I'm constantly trying to pave the way in a positive way. You'd think I would get to be the first to marry or have children, but no. One 19 year old marries with oopsy baby bump at the ceremony, marriage over within 6 months. Another wedding, but over within a year. Then, another oopsy baby for the 20ish year old cousin and his girlfriend, both morons and everyone is so excited about these babies having a baby. I was constantly thinking to myself, am I the crazy one for thinking this is all crazy?

Now me, I'm married, good job, happy overall, but can't seem to get pregnant. Meanwhile everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant or having their baby in what seemed like an split second. I find myself unfollowing people on Facebook, changing TV channels, and even walking away from conversations if they get on the topic of babies. And I also find myself hating people who get pregnant accidentally and jealous of others who have been successful. I constantly feel like I'm competing with other couples. At the same time, I don't wish anything negative upon them of course; I just wish I didn't have to know. I wish I had blinders on when it comes to anything baby and pregnancy related for others.

Ignorance is bliss I guess.

Writing this is helping... I think... I hope.

How can I ignore what's going on with others and focus on my/our journey only? How do you get past the resentment towards others?
 
Hello! I have been ttc#1 for 10.5 months now. I stopped BCP and was told by my PCP that I could get pregnant immediately after stopping the pill. I had NO idea the journey I was in for. Months and months went by and no regular cycles and no ovulation. Long story short I have PCOS that was masked by being on the pill since I was a teenager. I am starting Clomid in April.

Before I knew what was going on with me I was a roller coaster of emotions. I avoided the baby section at Target, I didn't want to see babies in TV commercials. My best friend who is the same age as me is in her last trimester due next month. It really took me a long time to feel completely happy for her. My feelings had nothing to do with her but were a reflection of my own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.

What has helped me is controlling the aspects that I can control. I started temping and charting 4 months ago. This was when I realized I was not ovulating. I took my charts to my OBGYN as proof that I was not ovulating and we came up with a game plan. I have adopted the PCOS diet, I take lots of supplements to support fertility, I exercise regularly and eat healthy which helps me feel more in control of my situation. I have always considered myself to be a healthy person but in the past 5 weeks I am truly the healthiest I have ever been. I have also taken this past 10 months to educate myself on how to properly take care of myself when pregnant and when trying to conceive by reading various books. All of these things help me stay focused on myself and my journey to pregnancy by giving me action steps and goals. I also find that posting on BnB and supporting other women is very helpful. Its this beautiful karmic system where you get back what you give to the community.

I am sure you have heard that it takes an average healthy couple up to one year to successfully conceive. You are still well within that normal period, although it feels like eternity to you! Are you temping to confirm ovulation? If not, you may want to start. Many couples time sex wrong which is why they have a difficult time ttc. Are you having regular cycles? If not, head to your OBGYN and get some preliminary testing done. Remember, half of all fertility issues are male, is your husband willing to get a semen analysis? These are just some things to consider.

Hang out some more. I spend most of my time in the TTC#1 forum. You can also jump on the buddy thread and ask for a ttc buddy! There is a lot of support to be offered here! Good luck and do keep us posted.
 
Awwww I just want to give you a hug! I know exactly what you're feeling. We've only been TTC for 5 months, but been waiting for a long time. We've having to go back to waiting until October and I'm feeling disappointed.

Life isn't fair and I think the need to be a mother is one like no other. It's not like the need to buy a house or get a job.. Because it's so much deeper, everything that reminds us of what's not ours hurts so much more. I even get hurt reading people saying they're TTC or WTT with #2, #3, #4+..

Have you been charting? Or doing anything else to help? Like using preseed?

I went to see my doctor and just asked to get blood tests to check my hormone levels. I know they say it can take healthy couples 12 months. My doctor said if you have PCOS, they'll start taking action to help you conceive after 6 months.

I don't know if it's consolation, but when it does happen for you (and it will!) you'll be in a fair better position to cope and enjoy your pregnancy and motherhood, knowing that you're in a good place. I know the feeling that you 'deserve' this far more than the 19 year old who had a whoopsy-daisy!

Your husband was trying to protect you. I think his intentions were good, but it's easy to understand why you're feeling hurt by this.


I'm finding this waiting thing really hard. I feel it almost adds an extra element because you're dealing with the "I wish I was pregnant right now" but not being able to do anything about it. But I'm going to try and find another focus and not let myself become so consumed with babies.. Emphasis on try! We will see how that goes!

Good luck, I really hope your BFP shows up next month!
 
My SIL announced her pregnancy to my husband on Xmas eve. He was alone at the time, driving home from his half day at work, but he told me when he arrived home. I cried the entire drive down to my family for the holiday. I wish he had waited to tell me. I was so mad about the timing. We got our first BFP shortly after on New Year's Eve, but found out the baby had passed at our 8 week scan. Now every update she sends is like a knife to my heart. He finally told her, and she's been very understanding so that helps...but it's still incredibly hard. Point is...as much as it stinks...I think what you're feeling is normal. I know my situation is different, but I wouldn't say worse. I know how hard it is to get bfn after bfn and not know why. I remember before my first BFP thinking I just wanted it to happen even if I miscarried...I just wanted to know it could happen. It felt like an awful thought at the time, but it was there all the same. Now, as odd as it sounds, I am still glad that it happened. Of course, I wish more than anything that I was still pg, but regardless I wouldn't take those five weeks of pregnancy back for anything. They were wonderful and joyous, and now I know that it will all be worth it one day. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up for those feelings and thoughts. This is hard no matter where we're at in our journies. I hope you get to feel that joy some day soon, and I hope we all eventually get to hold those babies in our arms and all the joys that comes with everything that lies ahead :dust:. It will all be worth it!
 
Thank you ladies for your replies! I appreciate you sharing your stories and suggestions. And, I wish you all the best as you try!

I hope I can provide support and encouragement to other women as well. I am glad I joined this site.

<3
 
What you're feeling is normal and just know that you're not alone. I've been on these boards soooo long and had so many losses which the last loss was ectopic to boot and I lost a tube. After years ttc I felt similar to you and just want you to know it is possible and your not being punished for being responsible! A pp made an excellent point and it's one that finally lead me to my first bfp which is charting your temps and taking the bull by the horns. Do everything you can and maybe you'll see what's holding you back. I had periods regularly and would have never known I wasn't ovulating had I not charted. I would have never tried chaste berry or progesterone cream had I not read about it hear and am grateful I found this site.

Don't feel bad for having those feelings but do try to direct that energy into kicking fertility in its butt and getting your bfp!
 
My DH and I are going through something very similar. We have been TTC for a year now and just found out that his aunt (adopted and younger than us), is pregnant after only being with her current bf for 2 months, and his ex who is a heroin user and another girl in our town who is a complete druggie are both prego and neither know the dad for sure. We are getting so frusterated and angry because we have been temping and charting and making sure we do everything by the book (except the deed itself lol) and weve had absolutely no luck.

We have a chance today I have an appointment in a few hours, but yesterday marked a year to the day. We just bought a new house to allow for expansion of our family as well as a new vehicle to accommodate infant car seats more safely, but it seems like whatevers up there in the sky has it out for us.

So I can definately relate as well. Hope things get better for all of us soon.

:dust: to us all
 
I understand all of this. We've been attempting to conceive for over 6 years now. Trust me when I say I went through this stage after 2 year mark. Not to discredit any of you just first year conceiving was like ntnp. Second year, is when I began to freak out.

During that time, it was difficult to hear of people getting pregnant. At work it happened in threes of course and I wasn't one of them. Pregnant people came in and I would run to the bathroom and burst into tears. I took days away from BNB.

I will say that it takes time. Even now six years later, I still get pissed off, but it's mostly when AF has reared her head. When that's over I'm generally back to normal.
 
Hi, dear Wishin! Poor thing, I just wanna give you a strong hug. As this is too hard to face all these issues which I know perfectly well myself.
I'm also feeling all the emotions I expect many of us have felt with questioning my worth and purpose, questioning my faith and future. I'm struggling so greatly with wanting to be happy for my wonderful friends and family members who are pregnant. And others who are new moms but secretly crying when looking at their beautiful photos....
I'm not sure how to walk forward in this in a positive light. I want to be hopeful, encouraged and purposeful. I also want to know what result to expect and what is coming this time. We have a long fertility journey under the belt starting from 2012 when we tried 1 round of clomid. Then I was diagnosed on endo and PCOS - not the finest unit. Then 2 fresh ivf cycles with one year break in between. Now waiting for a miracle with donor eggs ivf in Ukraine, Biotexcom clinic.
I have the most supportive partner anyone could ever ask for. But I try my best to be strong for him because I know he is struggling so much as well.
I try to talk more to people who understand and can share the burden of this challenge. This really helps. So many things have been already survived!! And so many of them are still left for all us in this boat!!
Sorry for this moan, I didn't really mean it.
Hope you&#8217;re feeling a bit better now, we have to be strong....
 
Hey!,

I hope this isn't taken in the wrong way because I know your hurting but I honestly mean it positively.

You have to remember that someone else getting a baby doesn't lessen your chance of having one, babies aren't in limited supply and your turn is coming.

8 months isn't even that long Hun, I know it probably feels like it now for you but it can take up to 2 years for a healthy couple to conceive.

I know it's hard but try and relax, enjoy being an Auntie or a second cousin.

I do know how you feel Hun, I spend almost 7 years TTC then had a successful round of IVF and my son was still born and now over 9 years after starting out TTC journey I have a 1 year old.

Please remember to live while your TTC, don't let it take over your life. X
 
My DH and I are currently in a similar situation. We have been TTC for a year now, and it seems as though everyone around us is getting pregnant. I feel as though I have tried to do everything in life the "right" way (not that there is a right way..Lol). Graduated from uni, got a great job, bought a house, married my best friend, and then...no baby. It seems as though everyone we know has fallen pregnant by accident & as much as I had baby fever for what seemed like forever I always told myself once I was settled my time would come. Its like a knife in the gut to see that I was wrong. Right now, my brother in law and his girlfriend of a few months are expecting, as well as my best friend and her boyfriend who got pregnant when she stopped taking her birth control and "forgot" to tell him. She has no problem telling people how fertile she must be since she got pregnant on the pill :roll:

It has been really hard to be a good friend and sister in law throughout this process, but I have come to the conclusion that eventually our time will come. We have the resources to pursue fertility treatments (and if those don't work...we will deal with that when the time comes :p) Once we hit the 11 month mark, i decided to really start focusing on myself. I started working out, eating better and spending time taking care of ME, and that has seemed to work as a distraction :)

It is so hard hearing that these things take time, but they really do. Joining places like this and sharing my experiences with other who are going through the same thing has also helped. I hope everything works out for you in the future!
 
I would not give up so quick. I was the miserable person seeing people post they were pregnant and I was wishing it was me. It took 12 cycles trying for our son and the second doesn't get any easier and still left a bitter taste in my mouth when people got pregnant and haven't been with their s/o long. Baby number two took 11 cycles to conceive on fertility meds. Good luck with your journey. I hope soon you will find answers or get your BFP.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
1,650,189
Messages
27,141,091
Members
255,672
Latest member
mummynugs
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"