Trying to conceive #2 mixed emotions

[UAmama]

We have a 10 month old son, and my husband really wants another one, a girl this time. I was hoping to wait a little but I wanted to make my husband happy and am hoping for a little girl. We just started trying but I am not as excited and full of emotion as the first time, I am sort of indifferent and worry I love my son so much, that I will not love the second as much. Will my feelings change? I feel so horrible for not feeling excited like I did the time. Am I horrible?

 

[junebabycomin]

You're not horrible! I think if you don't feel ready to start on #2 you and hubby should have a good talk and consider waiting a little while. I have some of the same concerns about a second...how do you deal with 2 when #1 still takes all your time/energy and you like being able to give that to him? How could you love another baby as much? I think these feelings are normal! My sister shared having them as well and just ADORES her second LO as well!

 

[AidensMama]

UAmama, you shouldn't feel horrible at all.

The decision to have a baby can be scary whether it's number one, two, or five. Also, with a 10 month old your emotions are absolutely allowd to be out of whack. I had a lot of anxiety in the first few years of my DS's life.

I have a 3 year old, and we have been TTC #2 for 13 cycles. I knew I wanted another baby before DS could even walk well, but I absolutely wasn't ready right away. With you breastfeeding and everything I can absolutely understand how the idea could be a bit overwhelming. LO's are an all consuming part of day to day life, so the fear that you wont have the energy or enthusiasm for 2 is definitely not unfounded. I don't think not loving a new baby is something you need to worry about though, not that I'm discounting your feelings, just that your such a good mama you worry that there isnt enough of your heart to go around. I'm sure you'd love a new baby just as much, as you dont have a finite amount of love to give, in fact I've heard your love just multiplies exponentially with each baby.

I think we would have alot in common. My DS is 3 and we still co-sleep (though partially at this point because we are transitioning him to his own bed). I am also in my early twenties and would consider our lifestyle attachement parenting oriented. I have stayed home with my DS since he came home from the NICU at 54 days and pretty much held him at every moment possible, he follows me to the bathroom,kitchen (and pretty much everywhere else) and never lets me out of his sight.

I hope you can find some peace, with whatever you ultimately decide. (to keep trying now or wait a little and space things out a bit more). If you ever need perspective from someone who can relate to probably a great deal of what is going on/what your feeling or just someone to vent to keep me in mind. I think it's cool to find ladies in similiar situations as myself, or who are close to my own age. Keep your head up.

 

[UAmama]

UAmama, you shouldn't feel horrible at all.

The decision to have a baby can be scary whether it's number one, two, or five. Also, with a 10 month old your emotions are absolutely allowd to be out of whack. I had a lot of anxiety in the first few years of my DS's life.

I have a 3 year old, and we have been TTC #2 for 13 cycles. I knew I wanted another baby before DS could even walk well, but I absolutely wasn't ready right away. With you breastfeeding and everything I can absolutely understand how the idea could be a bit overwhelming. LO's are an all consuming part of day to day life, so the fear that you wont have the energy or enthusiasm for 2 is definitely not unfounded. I don't think not loving a new baby is something you need to worry about though, not that I'm discounting your feelings, just that your such a good mama you worry that there isnt enough of your heart to go around. I'm sure you'd love a new baby just as much, as you dont have a finite amount of love to give, in fact I've heard your love just multiplies exponentially with each baby.

I think we would have alot in common. My DS is 3 and we still co-sleep (though partially at this point because we are transitioning him to his own bed). I am also in my early twenties and would consider our lifestyle attachement parenting oriented. I have stayed home with my DS since he came home from the NICU at 54 days and pretty much held him at every moment possible, he follows me to the bathroom,kitchen (and pretty much everywhere else) and never lets me out of his sight.

I hope you can find some peace, with whatever you ultimately decide. (to keep trying now or wait a little and space things out a bit more). If you ever need perspective from someone who can relate to probably a great deal of what is going on/what your feeling or just someone to vent to keep me in mind. I think it's cool to find ladies in similiar situations as myself, or who are close to my own age. Keep your head up.

Thank you for your kind words. Your post literally brought tears to my eyes. I always knew I wanted my kids close together to grow up playing and being best friends so that part of decision is easy, I am just worried my son will either lack the attention he deserves because right now he is attached to my hip and has a sever separation anxiety or that he will get all of it and the other one will be left out. I just can't imagine loving another baby more or the same as my son and it makes me feel like a horrible person.

 

[AidensMama]

I'm glad I could offer some support at the very least.

I absolutely know how you feel, because throughout all our deciding and trying I constantly think about how I would divide my attention between 2. My little guy also has really severe separation anxiety. I've only left him with family/sitters a handful of times and I'm always on edge the whole time we apart because he is just so attached (and I guess I really am too).

One thing I really dread is when I finish my degree and have to return to work. The thought of being away from him just makes me sick to my stomach. We are a bit closer to school age than your LO, and knowing that in a few short years he will be going off to Kindergarten just makes my heart ache sometimes.

I try to think about having #2 as simply giving my DS someone else to love and attach to. While the transition to sharing mommy with a sibling might be a little tough, a brother or sister would give him someone to play with and love. Your LO can get excited about helping to care for the new baby and everything when it is finally time to bring a new sweetie home.

Honestly, if you don't feel quite ready it's nothing to be ashamed of, but if it's something you really want right now I also don't think you should let your fears hold you back. You just need to be honest with yourself and decide what you really think is best for your family at this point. While fertility isn't infinite, I'd say you have plenty of time to change your mind and change it back and even change it again.

I'll be thinking of you, and just enjoy all that attached at the hip loving your getting right now. Someday he'll be running out the door.

 

[UAmama]

I'm glad I could offer some support at the very least.

I absolutely know how you feel, because throughout all our deciding and trying I constantly think about how I would divide my attention between 2. My little guy also has really severe separation anxiety. I've only left him with family/sitters a handful of times and I'm always on edge the whole time we apart because he is just so attached (and I guess I really am too).

One thing I really dread is when I finish my degree and have to return to work. The thought of being away from him just makes me sick to my stomach. We are a bit closer to school age than your LO, and knowing that in a few short years he will be going off to Kindergarten just makes my heart ache sometimes.

I try to think about having #2 as simply giving my DS someone else to love and attach to. While the transition to sharing mommy with a sibling might be a little tough, a brother or sister would give him someone to play with and love. Your LO can get excited about helping to care for the new baby and everything when it is finally time to bring a new sweetie home.

Honestly, if you don't feel quite ready it's nothing to be ashamed of, but if it's something you really want right now I also don't think you should let your fears hold you back. You just need to be honest with yourself and decide what you really think is best for your family at this point. While fertility isn't infinite, I'd say you have plenty of time to change your mind and change it back and even change it again.

I'll be thinking of you, and just enjoy all that attached at the hip loving your getting right now. Someday he'll be running out the door.

Thank you, you are too sweet. I hope that when I get pregnant I will feel differently then I do at the moment. I think once the reality of the situation sinks in I will be excited, I just love my son so much I feel like (in a crazy way) I will be cheating on him by loving another baby, but as my husband said, its just the crazy talking lol

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I felt the same then had a chemical 5 weeks ago. That week I had those 2 pink lines we got soooooo excited.... Now we are desperate to be back there again! It can't come soon enough I have severe bump envy!