Trying to cope

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by saddad, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. saddad

    saddad New Member

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    Im glad I came across this forum because it has helped. Unlike some of you, I am a dad who is trying to cope with losing my little angel at 12 weeks. My wife is also devasted of course. It's tough sometimes because I want to comfort her but I feel very hurt and upset as well. I'm 29 and have only previously cried a couple of times in my life. Since the loss, I've cried hundreds of times and it usually comes when I'm least expecting it.

    We already have one healthy little boy for which I am so grateful and I'm surprised to think that I love my second lost child who I never got to meet just as much. I never thought I would be this sad about it.

    When my wife went in for her d&c, she told me she had a dream that the baby (a boy in her dream) said "mommy I just can't stay here". For whatever reason I completely believe my baby said this to us. It brings me to tears every time I think of that.

    Anyways I know this is all random thoughts but it helps to get it out, thank you for reading.
     
  2. lisacn

    lisacn Well-Known Member

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    hey there,

    i'm sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking and difficult to come to terms with that its happened to you. It feels so unfair. We are always here to listen :hugs:
     
  3. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Make sure to comfort eachother and let her know how you are feeling. I would think that often we forget what our significant other is going through because we all deal with grief differently. This site definitely helps too, I have found much comfort and support over the last few days since joining. Sometimes just typing it out and hearing that others understand and that it will get a little better helps.
     
  4. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    im so sorry for your loss. it is so hard.. she is very lucky to have you beside her. do take time to take care of her AND yourself.. you both need each other right now.things will get better. i can';t imagine how helpless it must feel watching her go through this. your loss is much the same but the physical process ios all on her,, and thats terrible to watch for you.. and terrible to feel for her.. <3 lots of love for you and your family.
     
  5. MissingRyder

    MissingRyder Active Member

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    So very sorry for your loss. Yes, it's amazing how our heart is shared with multiple kids. After my first I felt like I could never love the others as equally as her..... but the other two are just as loved..... our heart is an amazing organ..... Now my fourth was my only boy and I love him just as well. I love him just as much.... My heart is divided into four and a fourth was ripped out when I lost him..... Share your feelings and do things u need to that will allow you to cope .....
     
  6. scoobydrlp

    scoobydrlp Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you'll talk to your wife and let her know how you feel. I just miscarried a few days ago, and my husband has been taking great care of me, but I'm afraid he's more hurt than he's letting on because he wants to be strong for me.

    I hope both you and your wife will heal and find peace.
     
  7. saddad

    saddad New Member

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    Thanks all for the replies it truly means a lot. Today was my first day back at work so I was stressed about leaving my wife but she was strong today.

    I'm finding it so helpful to talk about it (even type about it here). My biggest worry is to forget or pretend like nothing happened. I am finding so much comfort in doing tangible things to remember.
     

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