TTC #1 Hopeful and Obsessed! lol

[puma1986]

Thanks for your kind words and words of advice, Star. I'm doing a bit better regarding issues earlier but I've been having really strong cramping so I'm fairly certain AF will arrive sometime.

It really is a cruel joke. Allowing stupid, drug addicted POS parasitic women to get pregnant and then throw their babies in the trash while women like us go to sleep crying because we just want to schnuggle our future babies.

EDIT: I'm sorry. I'm just having a really tough day today.

 

[StarGazerRose]

When I hear stories about babies being thrown away, left in the car, murdered because they were "making noise" .... Just makes me sick!
I hate people more and more each day. And all these people who just don't want kids and keep popping them out -- give them to some one who does want them. They are a precious life that deserves a chance, give them to some one who will give them a life, teach them love, and give them hope that some one out there cares!

--end rant before I start crying--


Hubby was laughing at me earlier. He said "You'll probably look at me all crazy when you do find out cause i've been paying you more attention lately.... 'How did you know'" -- he's trying to interpret my response
I told him he's know before me, jokingly, but honestly he's a gem about all this!
He said even if this isn't the month, that I ovulated, and that means there is a chance no matter and it now will just take time ... Can I just cry right now?! anyone have a bucket for my tears?

Super tired at work --- could be cause the light over me was burnt out, and my workstation was super dark... But after drinking a whole vitamin b water i was still yawning.
I made it through most of the day before my stupid reflux decided to rear its head. Stuffing my face with Cheez-its while driving, so much fun!
I really hope all this turns out to be something! And I hope i'm not over analyzing...

It's only Monday!!!

 

[puma1986]

Aweeeeee Star! You emotional bundle of everything! *hugs*

I like stuffing my face with white cheddar cheez its, honestly. If I were there.... We would be stuffing our faces together, totally.

Your DH sounds absolutely amazing
How extremely sweet. His responses are awesome! He gets the Husband of the day award, for sure!

My DH brought me home my favorite Snapple and has been giving me extra loves and hugs this evening. So I forgive him.

Belle, I'm totally sympathizing with your emotional rants a couple months ago. I totally know how you felt and feel.

I also feel much closer to you ladies because we are totally embracing the suck together. For example, I miss BabyC but she was only with us a couple months before she got her BFP and she disappeared completely. There's no way I could do that to you guys. Golden still pops in occasionally which makes me happy. But this journey really does build close ties.

Green, how are you doing dear? (I've decided to forgive you for abandoning our cycle twin status hehe)

 

[BelleNuit]

Puma the 6th cycle really is a bit of a brick wall when it comes to TTC. You see it coming but you hope and pray like hell that you wont smack right into it. But unfortunately you bust right through the stupid thing and its on to the next cycle for you.

These last few cycles have been HARD. Unimaginably so. Cycle 6-11 was a nightmare for me and honestly cycle 10-11 was the worst of it. I felt like I went off the deep end for awhile there and I know I couldn't have done it without you ladies. The last few days before AF are the hardest. We are here for you!

I found though that cycle 12 was easier to tolerate and cycle 13 even more so. I think I've reached a point where I'm apathetic. I know that I've done all I can and it still hasn't worked, so I will probably need a little help. Sometimes letting go and leaving it in the hands of a "higher power" (whether that's God, the universe, science, doctors) is the best thing you can do.

I won't sugar coat it. You are probably in for a rough couple cycles unless you get that golden ticket out (I so hope you do). But, if you have the unfortunate bad luck to still be trying at the 12 cycle mark, I can promise you that you will dig your way out of that despair and you will find a way to get back to living. At the end of the day there is only so much you can do.

 

[sil]

So this may be silly since you guys have been a group for awhile but do you mind if I join in? I've read through the first 10 pages and last 5 and you just seem like a nice solid group. Im ttc number 3. I was fortunate to have an easy time with 1 and 2, but 3 has been more tricky. I've been trying for 4.5 months now with very irregular cycles (last cycle was 46 days long). My first cycle was a chemical but nothing since. I'm on cd8 and started taking vitex this cycle to see if it helps any. I'm just exhausted. Waiting to ovulate is almost worse than the tww since it's so long and random. At least during the tww I know it'll be 14 days and thats that.

Ps- I know this is a thread for ttc number 1 and I already have children so please do let me know if this isn't a good place for me to post. It just seemed like a nice supportive group.

 

[StarGazerRose]

Welcome Sil!
You can join the group if you want!

So I've wanted fish (well really, i've been wanting eggs and bacon for months now, but no one has decent breakfast at 7-8p) so I settled for fish. And I got it and I ate it, but that's not what I wanted ... so now I have a filet and a half of fish, that I don't know when I'll eat it again... I enjoyed my salad more than the fish.

Well girls I'd say that I'll hang out with you as much as possible! I've been seeking a forum to join for months (not particularly about pregnancy & ttc, just one in general) So as I might disappear for a while, I'll make my way back I assure you!

I have been neglecting my craft that I NEED to finish like asap, but I've just been too tired or feeling like crap to pull everything out.

ooo Puma, i've never tried the white cheddar ones...I've been lazy when buying cause i get a huge box at Sam's Club (has two bags of orange goodness)

I think my bed is calling my name... *yawn*

 

[puma1986]

Hey Sil!!!

Yes, you are certainly more than welcome to join our group funny enough, when I posted on this thread over half a year ago, I hadn't realized that it was TTC number 1 either lol! There are a couple of us that already have a kiddo, no worries there! I often think about ladies whose periods are varying lengths or who are just simply wanting a confirmed ovulation! I've heard wonderful things about vitex in conjunction with increasing water consumption! I'm anxious to see how it works for you! Maybe I will try it as well. Are you hoping for a boy or girl this time?

 

[puma1986]

Belle: I sincerely appreciate your unsugary perspective. Ita great to be hopeful, but at this stage, it's almost necessary to remain grounded and realistic.

 

[BelleNuit]

Welcome sil, I don't think this was posted in the TTC#1. It just so happens that there are a few of us who happen to be working on #1

Long cycles would certainly be frustrating. I have the luxury of short cycles, although I think they could be a bit longer. I was reading that shorter cycles have a decreased likelihood of pregnancy. Maybe thats why I'm still here twiddling my thumbs after 13 cycles.

Puma there is still room for hope. Don't take my post for anything more than what it is, the ramblings of somebody who is frustrated who has become numbed to the entire process because continuing to hope is too hard. In all likelihood you won't end up in my shoes and you'll get your bfp soon. You had such lovely positive feelings at the start of this cycle. I'm still holding out hope for you

 

[greenarcher]

Hey Sil! Welcome, it's always nice to have more people to lean on you say you have irregular cycles, do you temp or use OPKs? 4.5 months isn't too worrisome yet. Maybe this will be your lucky month!

Puma - I'm right there with you at 7 cycles. I'm really hoping and praying this is our cycle. I think our issue was my lack of EWCM, so hoping that the preseed helped. I'm a little worried about OH's SA as his diet is not great. He takes adderall for his ADD, and it completely kills his appetite. So IF he gets 2000 calories a day, probably half of it is sodas :/ He's abstaining for 3 days so I can do the SA tomorrow night. I'm really excited for this little scope!

Star - what craft? I love creating, so almost all crafts are fun to me. I wish I had more time too!

Belle - I think the feeling of having it out of your hands would probably help. I'm glad things have gotten easier for you

I'm starting to worry I didn't ovulate. I got a very positive OPK, but my temps are still all over the place :/ I hope tomorrow's temp is better. I haven't been getting enough sleep, so maybe that's affecting things.

Since my friend who had 2 embryos transferred is testing daily, I'm going to start testing Friday (~7DPO). I don't know why I do this to myself, but I've got the cheapie tests, so I might as well use them.

Do you think I should wait anyways?

 

[StarGazerRose]

Well ladies I was trying to figure out what is going on with me. Most of my "symptoms" seem to be in the afternoon. I feel wonderful during the morning -- give or take a few acidy burps which subside quickly.
I eat my little breakfast thing and I'm good... Give me like a few hours and I'll start feeling like crap! So weird!

Archer:
I'm trying to finish up a cross stitch for my brother. I've gotten a little under 3/4 of it finished. I need it done before christmas -- and I'm wanting DH to frame it, so I kinda need it done BEFORE december for him to get the stuff for it. But I've been neglecting it cause my mind is on everything else right now -- Like babies!
But I do almost anything and everything. I grew up doing all sort of crafts with my mom (I was her guinea pig for most of her classes projects)

And when they implant, you skip steps right? so I would see why she's testing every day... Maybe you should wait a little longer --- unless you are going to go nuts (a little more than usual )
I don't know how I'm gonna make it to Sunday!

 

[greenarcher]

She sent me her test from today! Definitely darker! Very obviously so! I wonder if maybe both of those embryos implanted....

Yea definitely going crazy. I'm researching time to implantation now. Guh....

 

[StarGazerRose]

You won't know if they both did until she gets either a progesterone test (which sky rockets if it's a multiple) or an ultrasound -- which she won't get for a few weeks...

Don't look stuff up! You'll find all the Bad things out there ...and then you'll worry about all that, and miss out on the good things!

Why do you think you didn't O? If you had signs of it, then I'm pretty sure you did.

 

[StarGazerRose]

*fans off tongue* Why did I get pepper jack cheese?! I hate spicy stuff ... Got it on a whim too ... they gave me an option and i chose it ...

And after drinking a bottle of water and two to go cups of mellow yellow ... I gotta peeeee....

 

[greenarcher]

You goof. Lol. I love pepper jack cheese! Send it my way next time!

I'm worried I didn't o because I apparently didn't last month, and I never really got SHOW or tons of cm (though who knows for sure, with as much lube as we used)

 

[StarGazerRose]

I don't know if it would be good by time you get it though .... but Hubby loves spicy stuff, so it would probably be eaten by then.

Ah, well the only way that I had a clue --- after never seeing it before, is research (all but looking at google images -- cause that is a scary place)
We don't use lube so i couldn't help ya with what that does. I didn't think that it affected much, but again I know nothing about it.

Urgh ... I think everything is a sign *eyeroll* ... I need to be shoved in a box and not told to come out til October!

 

[puma1986]

Green: MMMMMMMMYYYGOODNESS I love pepper jack cheese! Also, I am wondering about having not ovulated as well. The reason I say this is because I have had extremely sore BBs for 9 years straight after having my DS that begin a week prior to AF. Now....They don't hurt. At all. It really bothers me. I've been poking them every day thinking it would be painful. which means my progesterone didn't rise which means I probably didn't O. I wish I would have taken my temperatures this month because I am curious to see what they would be.

 

[BelleNuit]

My goodness lots of chatter here today!

First things first... I LOVE cheese... especially spicy cheese, pass that my way Star!

Green & Puma not liking the anxieties about O, its so stressful!!! I didn't O one cycle early on (I had a positive OPK but knew I didn't O because my body gave up trying and I had an early AF, was only a 17 day cycle, I guess my body is kind of no-nonsense about O). I did do lots of reading back then that it is perfectly normal to skip an O once or twice a year. SO if that is happening for either of you, it totally sucks BUT it doesn't necessarily mean you will have trouble next cycle. AND I'm still keeping my fingers crossed super tight that you both did actually O when you think you did.

Also super emotional tonight. Hormones and stress must be getting to me (I have a big presentation at work tomorrow morning that has me freaked out). I went from laughing hysterically one minute to literally sobbing the next. My DH was like wtf LOL, and I was like "I don't know whats wrong with me, *cries* LOL. Stupid TWW hormones, get me every time!

 

[StarGazerRose]

I was on pinterest last night... waiting for my eyes to close ... And I looked up "pregnancy announcements". I thought it was harmless, cause I do it all the time at work.
Nope...
I was fine in the beginning, but then I saw one ... and then the tears came. I was like "really"? I mean one really struck me. I wrote a few ideas down in my notes for later -- my own thoughts didn't make me cry, it was everyone else's.
So after finally feeling sleepy, I sniffled my way to sleep. I didn't feel bad, just salty eyes and sniffles.

My reflux has calmed down, and hasn't bothered me the past few days. I don't really know what to expect these next few days. According to my app I can test tomorrow, Friday is the day the doctor said to test, and I wanna wait until my period doesn't show. My nerves are starting to get all nervous!

I'm ready to know!!!!!

 

[StarGazerRose]

Omg i feel like crap. Was fine not but 10 mins ago.
Freezing now I'm burning up.
I turned my nose up at mtD. I have half a can left and i don't want it.
Mouth feels funny.
Trying to drink water but I feel even worse.

Middle upper back hurts??? What the???