TTC after an affair

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by babiiblu, Sep 30, 2008.

  1. babiiblu

    babiiblu 2 girls, 1 boy, 4 angels

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    I was just curious if there were any ladies out there in my shoes. My DH had an affair about a year and a half ago. Things are great now....he is where he wants to be, but sometimes I still feel a little weird about having another baby. I mean I want one sooo bad and we have been trying since 1/08.
    Its just that "she" claimed to have been pg and mc'ed....but at the same time she was really riding DH's ace about leaving me....he doesn't believe that she was.
    I was just curious to hear other's stories....if I can encourage anyone or learn from anyone elses experiences....
    I just want to know that I am not alone and to let anyone else know they are not either!!
     
  2. babiiblu

    babiiblu 2 girls, 1 boy, 4 angels

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    Boy am I the only one??? 34 reads but no replies.
    If it makes things more exciting...."she" stilll harasses me....all this time later. Telling me how pathetic it must be to be me and that DH is only with me bcuz of my DD.
    Anyway.....
     
  3. Greta

    Greta Well-Known Member

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    Hi... I am really sorry you have gone through that..but this forum is more about baby issues.
    I was also a bit concerned you have your photo on while revealing these personal details... Good luck. x.
     
  4. wishingonastar

    wishingonastar Well-Known Member

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    hun, i'm not in your situation but all i can suggest is that you guys stay strong and strengthen your relationship whenever you can by stuff like communicating more and just showing more affection with little cuddles and stuff... i'm not saying you don't do this already or trying to stick my oar in but just wondering if that stuff might make you feel better...and perhaps he too feels mixed up about everything. he must have a lot on his mind given that a baby changes everything in general without all the thoughts and feelings having an affair brings too

    plus if she claimed to have miscarried, whether she was actually pregnant or not he's not to know that and could feel quite upset about that given he has a child with you already and so is aware what joyous things little eggs can grow into...

    i'm certainly not implying it's what you're doing, but many couples do feel a baby can fill a gap, but unfortunately that's usually not the case so just be sure you want this child right now for the right reasons...but if not perhaps you could put it off a little longer until things are straighter...?

    this is a difficult situation to comment on which is probably why you had a lot of views and no replies! i hope you don't take offence at what i've written as that's not my intention..just wanted to try and offer some support and food for thought
    x x
     
  5. wishingonastar

    wishingonastar Well-Known Member

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    p.s. i don't think you're the only one in this position...there must be lots of people out there...perhaps if you did a google search you'd find some more answers?

    i'm afraid i have to disagree with greta's comment above mine, as surely this forum is to provide support for those people trying to conceive and support is what your post is asking for!
    x
     
  6. Gretas comment was a bit unneccessary. Its all relative dont feel bad about sharing your feelings. Your happy now right? Thats all that matters, you shouldnt dwell on the past. Its great your relationship survived that, an affair doesnt necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Its up to the individual couple and how you feel. The other woman sounds a bit nuts/jealous. Good luck with everything. x
     
  7. babiiblu

    babiiblu 2 girls, 1 boy, 4 angels

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    Thanks to all of you. I posted this to see if any one else was in our shoes....since we are TTC it has everything to do with BABIES!!!!
    I am not afraid of people knowing who I am, not of "her" finding out about me talking about it. I am not afraid of anyone. I am just trying to find friends or people that can come along side of each other going thru similar life issues and wanting to have another child or have a child period.
    I love the support and circle of people I have found here....so I do find this very much a TTC issue. I thought thats what these boards were for anyway!!!
    People talk about deaths in the family and their cat getting run over...so why not this?? Some people need to realize that things like this affect EVERY area of your life for the rest of your life.
    I am sorry for ranting, but its just the way it is.....if others feel the same way as Greta then I will not share things like this....but what is the diff between this and posting a journal? Its all about the same thing.....GETTING PRGENANT!!!!
     
  8. Chris77

    Chris77 Mommy to PJ and Gavin

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    Hi babilou :hi: I am so sorry that happened to you but I think it's great that the two of you are working it out. I am sure you aren't the only one in this position. I can understand your concerns over having another baby with your husband. I think the best thing you can do is really communicate ALOT with each other, maybe even see a therapist together. Thats horrible this woman is still harrassing you!! If she continues, you should really see about getting a restraining order against her because that is NOT okay!!!!

    We all talk about personal things here all the time here, so I see no problem with what you posted. :hugs:

    I hope everything works out for you. :hugs:

    :hug:
     
  9. twinmami07

    twinmami07 Well-Known Member

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    All i can say is O M G! Im going through EXACTLY the same thing! DH had a short lived affair 1.5 years ago, and she too claimed to be pregnant. She also went on to claim a m/c at 8-10 weeks. We have been TTC since Feb this year, we are desperate to be pregnant, but i too have these worries and doubts at the back of my mind. Im glad to know im not the only one, but sad that someone else has gone through this too. I know it really hurts :( What hurts me so much is that we have been TTC for 8 months, and yet they only slept together 3 times and she apparantly got pregnant just from that. Best of luck getting your BFP, i know how frustrating it is to get month after month of BFN.
     
  10. babiiblu

    babiiblu 2 girls, 1 boy, 4 angels

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    THANK YOU! Finally someone else!
    DH's fling was short lived too....and when she saw that he wasn't leaving me she all of a sudden MC'ed....I am so glad you are out there!!:hug:
     
  11. twinmami07

    twinmami07 Well-Known Member

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    Yup, sad as it is i know what you're going through. It gets me that she was supposedly pregnant, but if she really was then i just try to take is as a positive that DH doesn't have any infertility issues! I must say im still a little insecure and have trust issues now, but its in the shadow of TTC. What happened isn't really an issue in our relationship, although i will never forget.

    Im just so desperate to be pregnant, its taking so long and i have this gut feeling that it wont happen for us. I will be testing again at the end of October, then it will be onto month 10 for us. I have issues with my cycle and im getting increasingly anxious and stressed about TTC, esp since we dont have long left to complete our family. I pray we both get our BFP very soon!
     
  12. Wobbles

    Wobbles WoBbLeWoBbLe
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    This forum is about support and the colour of your toe nails if you wish to post about it!

    LOTS of people share photos and add a picture to avatars - anyway shes done nothing wrong what has she got to hide away for? Life is life & life goes on.
     
  13. aflight84

    aflight84 Mummy to a princess x

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    hey - i can't say i'm in your position now but i have been in the past - my ex cheated on me many times and i know how painful it can be especially when the other women wont let go.
    All i can say is what you have is obviously worth fighting for if you've come this far and still want to have a baby together. Only you will know if it's the right thing to do
    I wish you all the luck in the world.
    All i can say is if she gets really bad inform the police - it's harrassment and when you're ttc you don't need that kind of stress!
     
  14. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    well i would just say a lot lot more pp who cum on ere have gone thro the same thing...they must have, most the time an affair makes each other actually relise how much they really do love who ur with,hes been very silly,but knows it, and it think if uv 4given him u nedd2move on,as if u say ive 4give u,its now not really fair to bring it up all the time...not that i know wether u do or not??? but if u do i think if ur relationships grt again then go for it,av another baby :) millions of relationships go through wot uv gone through hun,pls dont think ur the only one as ur defo not,u wont be the first not the last women either2experience this,but it sounds like its brought u2bk 2geva and stronger than ever so go 4it hun,get ur self a bfp,u after2learn2trust him again:):)
    bnb girls are usually a lot more supportive than this ???!??!!?? WOTEVER the subject,so pls dont feel like uv no support hun,u can defo pm me anytime if u need2talk2 any1 :):)
     
  15. Reedy

    Reedy Outnumbered x

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    I'm so sorry you had to go through that but sounds like you have both come out of it so much stronger x
    If having another baby is what you both want then I wish you all the luck in the world in getting your :bfp:

    :hug:
     
  16. Peanut78

    Peanut78 Mum of 2

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    I am not currently in your position, but my ex-husband did cheat on me so I know how painful that can be - sorry you have to go thorugh that. We ended up separating in the end as I had enough, and our communication completely fell apart. Someone else here mentioned communication being key - I agree - I think one can overcome these things (sometimes making you even stronger!) - but communication -and alot of it - is essential.

    I also wanted to point out that I disagree with Greta. I admire you for bringing this topic fwd - something which is difficlut to talk about and I am sure many women can relate to - good for them to know they are not alone!

    Wish you all the best!!!!!

    :hug:
     
  17. stargazer

    stargazer Mummy & pregnant

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    I am not in the same position as you, nor have I ever been, but I didn't want to read and run!

    I'm so sorry about everything you've gone through but it definately seems like it has made you stronger! And like others have said, you can post whatever you want to on here and we will all be supportive! Anything that happens in life can affect ttc and that is what this forum is all about!

    Good luck with everything hun

    xxxx
     
  18. aflight84

    aflight84 Mummy to a princess x

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    snap - i completely agree - and I think you're a very strong women for making it work - you obviously do love each other x
     
  19. Vickie

    Vickie Hannah & Rhys <3

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    There are hundreds, if not thousands of posts that aren't baby or TTC related on the forum! And in reality her post was related to TTC. All she wanted was some support and to know others have gone through the same thing. There's nothing wrong with that.

    As for me I can't really relate to the OP having never gone through that myself but want to wish you luck in your journey:hug:
     
  20. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    hope ur feelin uv been a little more supported now hun ? x x
     

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