TTC but husband left...

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by Katy09, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. Katy09

    Katy09 Well-Known Member

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    My husband and I have been TTC but a few days ago I kicked him out of the house because we got into a fight and he became abusive.

    Now I'm so stressed out and crying all the time which I know isn't good when TTC.. but I don't know what to do.

    I really want to have this baby but I'm scared of what the stress and crying might do...

    Husband is not at all supportive, I don't know why I'm even with him, it's too complicated.....:cry:
     
  2. mrshuse8pound

    mrshuse8pound Well-Known Member

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    Okay I'm gonna be brutally blunt when I say this so I'm prefacing by saying don't take offense but I always speak my mind (especially when it comes to abusive situations).

    1. DO NOT have a baby with this man. (for the time being)
    2. DO NOT think a baby is going to change or fix him.
    3. Stress and conflict are not the right environment to introduce a child into.

    I say this only because I care. I know people can change but if your husband doesn't want to change or isn't ready to change yet, the stress of a new baby is only going to further his abusive behavior. And then he will have 2 people littler than him to pick on, and not just one.

    Work on yourself and you two need to work on your relationship. I'm not saying we don't ALL get into those frustrating arguments and such, because we all do. But when you make statements that say "Husband is not at all supportive", it's that statement that worries me on so many levels.

    :hugs:
     
  3. mommy2baby2

    mommy2baby2 Pregnant with #4

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    Stay strong sweetie! I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Mrshuse8pound just gave EXCELLENT advice!
     
  4. Katy09

    Katy09 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your advice and response Mrshuse8pound and Mommy2baby2

    It's just that after getting married I moved out of province where my family is to live with my husband. Neither of us have any family here, bu the has all his friends (he's been here for 10 years approx) and I've only been here for a few months

    So I've felt so alone and very unhappy a lot of the time because I do miss my life and my family and friends. I just thought that having a baby would bring joy back into my life and I wouldn't be so alone. I would also be busy taking care of the baby since I don't work right now.

    But you're right, I would never ever ever allow my husband to hurt my child or even let him think about it. I would leave way before that ever happened.

    I'm just.. so confused and alone.
     
  5. StonesWife

    StonesWife Momma & Wife WTT

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    Hun first let me say :hugs: you don't have to be alone. A relationship shouldn't make you feel lonely, even if he isn't ready for a baby. If he is abusive to you (physically or verbally) you should NOT put up with that. You need to get help and think about whether or not he is healthy for you. We're all here for you hun but you've got to make your own decisions.
     
  6. mrshuse8pound

    mrshuse8pound Well-Known Member

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    Hugs to you. You will find the right thing for you when the time is right. I know it can be hard to be alone but remember there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely! And what that means is you may not have your family or friends but if he's your husband and companion you should never feel like you are alone. I live cross the states from my family and though I miss them tremendously (especially at holiday times like now), I do have my DH and he's very supportive of me. I think it's great you are admitting that maybe a baby, whereas a blessing, can also be very hard if you are doing it all on your own!
    I got prayers going up for you kiddo ;)
     
  7. MsLesley

    MsLesley Well-Known Member

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    I cant agree more with her...i was in the same situation. i made excuses after excuses for this man. the funnest thing was that he appeared to 'love me' the most out of all the men ive been with up to that point...until he got mad. i know just how hard it is to walk away from relationship like that too because its men like that that come back later sucking up and telling you everything you want to hear. i feel for you and im so sorry you are going through this. :hugs:
     
  8. 2016

    2016 Mummy and Preggo with #2!

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    I was in an awful abusive relationship with my ex...thankfully we never had kids together! If I had kids with that jerk I would be stuck with him forever!
    I now have my DH and now is the right time/environment for a little one.

    You will ge your happy ending! Never settle for second best! :hugs:
     
  9. Katy09

    Katy09 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your responses and advice ladies!!:kiss:

    My husband and I have a lot of problems that we need to sort out. We haven't spoken since Thurs (approx 3 days now).

    He's been staying at a hotel, but I think we'll try to work things out starting tomorrow.. *fingers crossed*

    I just want to have a happy marriage. My husband's had a rough childhood with parents who fought all the time, and he's very insecure, but I just don't understand why (he's very handsome, and successful)

    We're going to get couple's therapy together, meanwhile I would be so happy if I did get a :bfp: in 10 days. Been praying to God for months now.. hopefully this time I'll get it and not the :witch:

    :dust: to all!
     
  10. lindsayscoob

    lindsayscoob Mummy to 2 girlies

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    Oh hun please please think twice about having a baby with this man. If you do get your BFP this time then so be it, but otherwise please put it on hold. It won't fix the problem and if he already has low self confidence then adding a baby to the situation may well make it worse. You won't be devoting your attention on him and the baby might make him feel pushed out, even on a sub conscious level. My marriage seemed to be rock solid and my DD arriving, very planned and very wanted, put such a strain on it my husband left. So its hard when the marriage is sound, without it being rocky. And trust me you may feel more alone as a single mum than you do now. My DD was 7 months old and I was so lonely doing it all on my own, night times when she was in bed there was nobody there, when she was screaming with colic it was all down to me. So even though you think it will make you feel less lonely it probably won't. I wish you all the best and that everything works out well for you.
     

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