UGH MOTHER IN LAWS and TTC

[bassdesire]

Why is it that everyone that is not you can't seem to keep quiet about child spacing?

Today it came out (rather accidently) that hubby and I have been TTC #2. And what did my lovely MIL say?

"Oh that is just awful news. Seriously? Already..."

(side note, daughter is 14 months old already, not 2 months old or something)

"I really think that is a huge mistake."

Well thanks a lot. We are adults, great parents, successful blah blah blah...

What is wrong with people. They won't be her kids! Why does she care?

Annoyed!!

 

[SKP]

Wouldnt that be alright? Your child would be just about 2 yrs? if Im correct. 2 yrs is a good space. If you want them close in age.

 

[Lara310809]

It's your family, and your decision. You know what's best for you. I had my dad telling me to "get on it" right away, and get another baby in fast, and I had my mum telling me to wait a few years In the end you have to do what feels right for your family

 

[seoj]

I think some moms just feel its their duty to tell their kids what they should do... even when they are grown and fully capable of taking care of themselves and their own kids! It's very irritating, but it's YOUR life and your decision- period!

Those are the moments to take a deep breathe and think "shut it crazy lady"! lol.

Best of luck on your journey TTC #2!!!

 

[plutosblue]

See this is where I would get myself into trouble with DH

If MIL said that to me I would kindly say "Well I don't really care what you think, because your not the one looking after it"

Ignore her lovely - do what is right for you. Some people (especially in laws) can't seem to learn to keep their mouths shut, did no one ever teach them if you can't say anything nice don't say it at all?

We are all here if you need to rant!

 

[bassdesire]

Thanks everyone. What is so funny is that two years apart is not even that close (at least in my circle of friends). It isn't far by any means, but it is a pretty solid age gap. I would have been thrilled to have my kids 20 months apart, but that is not happening. With each month they are getting farther and farther apart.

And thanks for the good luck. We need it sad to say.

 

[bassdesire]

Plutosblue, I did fail to mention my response, didn't I? I have a mouth, much to hubby's dismay. I basically told her that she already had her chance and to leave us alone... sigh, hubby wasn't pleased.

 

[plutosblue]

Plutosblue, I did fail to mention my response, didn't I? I have a mouth, much to hubby's dismay. I basically told her that she already had her chance and to leave us alone... sigh, hubby wasn't pleased.

Well too right - I just think if people feel the need to make negative remarks like that then they should expect a backlash.

I swear they think just because they are older they expect us to take it on the chin and say yes ma'm

 

[SKP]

My sister and I are 3.5 years apart. My mother wished we were closer in age.

 

[EffyM]

My brother and 1 are almost 5 years apart... we beleive if my parents had been able to conv. sooner we would have had a closer relationship.

My MIL is angry about the fact that we are TTC our first. His mom and dad have both told him that kids are too expensive and will ruin your life. At that point i told them both that they are wrong and that if that was how they felt then they would no longer need to be in our lives much less any future grandchildren they may have.

The topic was readdressed by them on Chrsitmas day when my MIL found (while snooping) our baby name book... and ran into the kitchen accusingly asking "WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS?" I promptly responded in my normal smart-butt tone with... "well its abook of baby names... as it tells you in the title... i can read it to you if you need..."
to my mom's embarrassment and shock.

good luck hun... my best advise is to ignore theres... however hard that maybe. and well... hubby needs to deal with his mommy before you do.

 

[Lisa2701]

Oh dear - In laws, not easy. Things got so bad with my monster in law that hubby and I no longer talk to her and we had to get lawyers to write up an agreement for her to see our son so we knew she wouldn't mess him about. Works for us. Honestly - i am so glad you guys have stuck up for yourself, I bit my tongue far too long! Do what is right for your family. Personally my son was 5 before we started trying again, a bigger gap than i had planned but it just wasn't right for us at that time. x

 

[emsieb]

My son is 8 and we're TTC #2 everyone used to ask when we'd have another, but being very young when i had my son i wanted to get sorted in life/work etc before we had #2, everyone (parents etc) said how i was doing everything right and all would be ok, now we let slip we're trying for the next, all we get is 'thats a big age gap, are you sure you want such a big gap' 'maybe **** will be better off an only child' the lsit is endless......it now seems everyone is still against me having another but this time not because i'm too young and have no job etc, but now because the gaps too big, I can't win, sod the lot of them and you go with whats right! x

 

[Soili]

The topic was readdressed by them on Chrsitmas day when my MIL found (while snooping) our baby name book... and ran into the kitchen accusingly asking "WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS?" I promptly responded in my normal smart-butt tone with... "well its abook of baby names... as it tells you in the title... i can read it to you if you need..."

LOL!! Good one!!

 

[darkNlovely]

I feel for you---that would piss me off! parents need to mind their own business esp. when their kids are adults. I thin if anyone should speak on this would be your hubby since it's his mom...

 

[darkNlovely]

My son is 8 and we're TTC #2 everyone used to ask when we'd have another, but being very young when i had my son i wanted to get sorted in life/work etc before we had #2, everyone (parents etc) said how i was doing everything right and all would be ok, now we let slip we're trying for the next, all we get is 'thats a big age gap, are you sure you want such a big gap' 'maybe **** will be better off an only child' the lsit is endless......it now seems everyone is still against me having another but this time not because i'm too young and have no job etc, but now because the gaps too big, I can't win, sod the lot of them and you go with whats right! x

My son is also 8 and believe me when I say thi sis why I like to keep things like this PERSONAL! I have heard so many having negativity after announcing they are TTC that take note and not let anyone know.

 

[kates84]

Ignore her, she should be delighted about having another grandchild soon.

Also, if you want to adopt a second child, the British adoption agency will only let you adopt a child at least 2 years younger than your current because they feel that is an optimal gap. Does she think she knows better than them?

 

[cherryness]

Gah mine stumbled across conception pregnacare tablets and has made it a point to say : your so young, go travelling around first, you should go travelling ... blah blah blah.

I dont want to ! I want a family! Im 24! NOT 18.

GRRRR.

 

[ZekeyMylo2010]

my partners mom can be abit hostile sometimes when it comes to more grand children, my partner has two from pervious marriage.. and well i think she feels it hard for them with daddy and mommy being seperated but thats life and he met me who wants children and im not going to change my mind.
Think she was taken back when i came out and told her but that was over 2years ago and im still NOT pregnant so hopefully she will have accepted it and realised that it ant going to change xx

 

[hendersoca]

I am 8 and 10 years apart from my brothers... we are definately not as close as my hubby and his brothers who have 2 years between each of them. 2 years is my plan as well. MIL will get over it when she hears good news about a BFP

 

[comicmom]

I try to take moments like that to reflect on what kind of mother and mother-in-law I want to be when my kids are grown up. There must be some unforseen reason why all these women turn out to be so annoyingly judgemental and involved in their kid's marriages later in life. I just hope I have the self-awareness when I'm in her shoes to catch myself and do the right thing. Why do women have such a hard time detaching themselves?