Unhappy

[keatonsMummy]

My MIL gave my son some water in a bottle whilst I was in the shower. She never asked me... I am breastfeeding, know that he doesn't need water, and didn't want to give him a bottle yet as I want to ensure that we both are used to breastfeeding at first BUT she did it without my consent or knowledge.

Now my OH thinks he is fine to have a bottle and that the only reason I am not expressing my milk is because I am being selfish in wanting to feed our baby! I don't want to express milk yet. Keaton is only 4 weeks old and we still struggle sometimes.

Im fed up feeling like im denying him bonding time with his son now and feel like giving up BF!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Tell him it's too soon to express honey. HE'S the one being selfish. Did you MIL BF?? If not then I guarantee you that SHE is getting in his ear and that this water in the bottle was probably her trying to make a point.

It's not advised to pump prior to establishing BFing - thats no sooner than 6 weeks. He can do other things to bond with him. Does he think that all fathers pre 1905 werent bonded with their kids JUST because there were no bottles to give?? Pfft!

If you want to prove a point then express for him - you wont get enough for a feed!!

He's out of order making you feel this way just 4 weeks after giving birth to his child - how the f^<& is that selfish

 

[mommyof3co]

I honestly would put all bottles away, so no one can do it. I would have ripped into someone giving my baby a bottle of anything 1 it being the first time 2 without me knowing. I was against using bottles at all with Hayden so I would have been truly pissed. I'm sorry she did that Plus at 4wks..he needs no water, like you said, too much water can actually hurt them. I would just sit down and talk with your husband, explain you aren't being "selfish" that breastfeeding isn't exactly easy and you want to know you both have it down first. Maybe give him something special he gets to do, feeding isn't the only way to bond, so many people think that it is, well not the only way but like the main way or something...that they want to pump just so daddy can bond too. My DH liked doing baths, or even just holding them and playing with them during their awake time then falling asleep on his chest, he bonded really good from the very beginning...yet never fed Hayden until he was on solids..9mo. Maybe let your dh have bathtime or something like that as his special time with him so he doesn't feel left out?

 

[ryder]

4 weeks is def too early for water. My baby is over 6 months and doesnt even need water and she is ff now!

umm pre 1905? I doubt fathers cared about bonding time with a newborn... Different time era, women were primary care givers and stayed at home etc etc...

However, like the others said its not recommended to bottlefeed until 6 weeks.. Althought I tend to agree that it is not much fun for men when their bonding time is only changing diapers and bathing etc... babies learn to trust by being fed and having their needs met, which is why its one of the best bonding activities.

 

[mommyof3co]

Well bathing for alot of babies is a fun time, it's something they enjoy so it can be a great bonding time. Diaper changes are having their needs met, what baby likes to sit in a dirty diaper? Just holding them and cuddling is meeting a need. There are so many things besides feeding, feeding isn't necc the best way to bond. I don't think it would be at all selfish if she didn't ever want to introduce a bottle, there are millions of other ways to bond, though I don't think that's what she's saying..that she never wants to just not now.

 

[beancounter]

well, it's just another couple of weeks, he'll just have to wait. And a poke in the eye for the MIL I started expressing at 6 weeks. daddy does the 4am feed now I sleep 11 till 7

 

[Mervs Mum]

Some men are selfish. So are some women. I still think feeding has nothing to do with fathers bonding. It's nice they can do it but IMO the two arent tied together in the way some seem to say. I think that line is trotted out too easily.

You stick to your guns honey. You're not being selfish at all and he should respect that and support YOUR wishes too. There will be plenty of time for him to bond by feeding after you've got sorted out. What's a couple of weeks in the grand scheme of things.

 

[milkmachine]

i would have killed her seriously that would have mede me hit the roof its bang out of order. tell you oh to stop being such a child and get over it, refer him to some info on the net that explains about expressing when and why etc.

 

[mari72]

what is more important-that your baby gets the best nutrition possible or that your partner gets to feed baby? I think someone needs to grow up a little bit and its not you and the baby! I understand that men can feel a little sidelined when baby comes along and mum is breast feeding but IMO thats just tough luck, they're grown ups and they should be able to put aside their wants for a little while (its only six weeks after all.) As for MIL methinks she has her own 'babystealing' agenda here-the sooner little one is feeding from a bottle the sooner she can get her paws on her ha ha ha. Seriously though, you are right to be extremely annoyed but i think you need to calmly explain why bottles are a no no until you feel you and baby have established bf successfully. Until then its hands off!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Well said Mari. This whole Dad not being able to see past his own perceived 'needs' to his newborn childs bewilders me at times.

 

[mumtobe25]

im not breastfeeding so my oh can bond with baby aswell during feeding time so i cant comment on that as each to thier own and its what you feel comfortable with.. but one thing does worry me someone said they were ff and at 6 months baby doesnt need water my mw has told me that from birth baby will need water aswell as formula.why do we all get told different things??

 

[Mervs Mum]

im not breastfeeding so my oh can bond with baby aswell during feeding time so i cant comment on that as each to thier own and its what you feel comfortable with.. but one thing does worry me someone said they were ff and at 6 months baby doesnt need water my mw has told me that from birth baby will need water aswell as formula.why do we all get told different things??

Perhaps you should ask in the FF section?? The ladies in there will know what's recommended for FFing in terms of water etc.

 

[wishing4ababy]

what is it with mil's interfering? mine said "why is she doing that?" when oh said i was breast feeding. Like i was feeding the baby pies from birth - or something equally as bonkers. I am convinced she thinks i shouldn't bf just so that oh can give him a feed every now and again. Because of course all my decisions are done with the intention of pissing her off.
My oh has been really supportive of me b feeding and has been more than happy to have a cuddle when I can't settle him or to do nappies etc. IMO the men just need to feel needed when a new baby comes along - i know my oh always feels a bit helpless and ends up doing daft things....like rearranging the freezer.
As for the water thing....my other 2 babies were ff and i never gave them water til they were on solids. maybe it is an old fashioned thing? i am sure someone told me at some point that you shouldn't give a baby water as it will be fooled into thinking it was full?
x

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think these MILs and OHs that talk try to push you towards bottles be it formula or EBM, are the ones being ULTRA selfish! I mean to actually put your own selfish wants...not NEEDS because at the end of the day the baby doesnt NEED anyone else to feed it......before the needs of a your child or grandchild just beggars belief.
Any MIL or OH who cant see that needs to grow up fast because being a parentor grandparent means you have to put your wants and needs second to your childrens on an almost day to day basis.

Rant over....sorry hun

 

[wishing4ababy]

I think these MILs and OHs that talk try to push you towards bottles be it formula or EBM, are the ones being ULTRA selfish! I mean to actually put your own selfish wants...not NEEDS because at the end of the day the baby doesnt NEED anyone else to feed it......before the needs of a your child or grandchild just beggars belief.
Any MIL or OH who cant see that needs to grow up fast because being a parentor grandparent means you have to put your wants and needs second to your childrens on an almost day to day basis.

Rant over....sorry hun

my mil doesn't think that anyone else has any kind of opinion/need/want....basically the sun shines because she gives it permission. she is basically god/the queen...!! she never bf because she is the MOST selfish person i have ever met in my life. And i can honestly say that bf is the most selfless thing i have ever done in my entire life. people like her just don't understand. she doesnt understand bonding with your baby...and when oh said he wanted to cut the cord she was disgusted!!!
x

 

[Mervs Mum]

my mil doesn't think that anyone else has any kind of opinion/need/want....basically the sun shines because she gives it permission. she is basically god/the queen...!! she never bf because she is the MOST selfish person i have ever met in my life. And i can honestly say that bf is the most selfless thing i have ever done in my entire life. people like her just don't understand. she doesnt understand bonding with your baby...and when oh said he wanted to cut the cord she was disgusted!!!
x

@ the sun shining!

Silly woman eh!!

BFing is a selfless act darling you are right. It's a good job your OH hasnt inherited her warped perspective on life Fortunately he has the maturity to see that he can bond with his kids without feeding them and you are lucky he's been a good supporter. We are lucky you know - they arent all like ours!! He sounds like a good lad xx

 

[maddiwatts19]

bless you hun i'd have been upset too

 

[ryder]

I dont think ohs wanting to take part in feeding is selfish at all.. sorry... but it is their baby too, and while some may think cuddling, bathing etc is just as good, some dont feel it is just as good... and the dynamics of your relationship change alot when you have a baby, the men can be pretty left out with everything...

Although there is a certain amount of understanding and respect that the men need to show too... which obviously is waiting until bfing is well established.

 

[mommyof3co]

I completely agree Merv's mum. Like I said before Mark is completely bonded with each of the boys, just the same and he was able to bottle feed Landon from VERY early on due to the problems we had with bf...then with Casen I pumped from just a couple weeks too, so he was able to feed him, Hayden never had a bottle of anything, so he didn't feed him at all until he was on solids and even then not all that often with his work schedule, if anything he bonded even more with hayden as a baby then any of the rest of them. It would be selfish for him to keep asking to pump when the absolute best for baby is straight from the breast, the longer it's store the more nutrients it looses, so EBM in a bottle is not the same..not saying it's bad just not the same. So asking to give the baby something that isn't as good is in a way selfish...bond another way...there are plenty

 

[BurtonBaby]

I would be so pissed! My MIL used to practically take Erica off of me while I was BF'ing her! Here's something I thought about... Breastfeeding is just as natural as a woman carrying a child and giving birth to that child. I know my husband has told me before that he is glad women are the ones who do that, and he didn't get jealous and moan that he couldn't give birth, or carry the baby. Why are men getting so upset over a feed? I completely understand that they want to bond, and I think its great, but there are so many other ways to do that. A lot of men have daddy time where they will bathe baby, or do something on their own with baby. I dont see why they are interfering with a feed, when its completely natural for the moms to breastfeed.