Unhappy

[CountingDown]

I would be so mad if my mil did that!!! My o/h cant wait until he can feed Olivia when I start expressing a few feeds but he is more than happy to wait until I am ready.

My mum keeps trying to convince me that as Olivia feeds so much I cant be filling her and she needs to be ff but as I explain every time Olivia didnt lose any weight after birth and has continuously gained weight since so I must be filling her. My mum didnt bf so doesnt seem to grasp what I am trying to explain!!!

 

[Freya]

Bloody MIL!! Luckilly mine treads on egg shells around me and is SUPER cautious in case she offends me and I restrict access to her grandchild (she must think I'm an ogre??!). Yours needs to be told to run things by you, this is your child not hers!!!

BUT when I was exclusively BF my OH was not very supportive. He personally has never enjoyed bottle feeding her EBM or FF (he says it's crap that men bond this way, he does it because it needs to be done and prefers to play and cuddle Gracie to bond). I 'thought' he had a problem with BF because of the time I spent feeding DD, but it transpired he didn't know about BF and saw me exhausted, teary and unsure of myself and the feeding - so he became worried and wanted us to swap to FF just to give me a break bless him.

HOWEVER.... now, he says how proud he is at our DD and that he attributes it to the BF!!!! I am quick to remind him how tough he made it for me to persist as long as we did. Next time he will definitely be more supportive of BF as I think he understands more about it now.

So, could DH just be using the 'bonding as an excuse? Is he worried about you but not expressing it?

xxxxx

 

[Mervs Mum]

I dont think ohs wanting to take part in feeding is selfish at all.. sorry... but it is their baby too, and while some may think cuddling, bathing etc is just as good, some dont feel it is just as good... and the dynamics of your relationship change alot when you have a baby, the men can be pretty left out with everything...

Although there is a certain amount of understanding and respect that the men need to show too... which obviously is waiting until bfing is well established.

Key word 'some' - most realise it's not about them anymore.
I think we will just have to agree to disagree on this one then

Why are men getting so upset over a feed?

I think it's a minority that do TBH. I think most see it like you said BB there are lots of other ways of bonding with their child.

So, could DH just be using the 'bonding as an excuse? Is he worried about you but not expressing it?

Could be couldnt he - maybe he's just a bit worried it's tough on you and this is his way of trying to get you to take a little help? You could do what Freya says and explain that you are ok and in a couple of weeks time that you'll be happy to express and he can help to feed her then.

 

[mari72]

My OH is delighted that i'm BF because it means that he doesn't have to get up for night feeds etc-unfortunately this puts him at the less sensitive end of the male gender, but in this instance i'm quite happy about it.
Personally i do think that oh's wanting to feed their children and putting pressure on their partners not to BF IS selfish, he's fulfilling his needs and not putting his child first. I don't want to start a debate about bf and ff here and which is best incidentally, i'm talking about when a woman wants to bf and is talked out of it by OH so him and his mum can 'get a shot'

 

[Mervs Mum]

I also think with MILs and the like, some of it is because if you chose a different way when it comes to any aspect of parenting (feeding, dummies, sleeping, weaning etc), some see this as a critisism - ie. I do it this way because your way was wrong. That's simply not the case. I'm lucky that my mum was and still is 100% comfortable with her choice to FF me and my sister and is also remarkably supportive and proud of me for BFing. I guess that's down to the individuals though and how secure they are with their own choices.

 

[mari72]

That's very generous of you merv's mum, i think MIL's (and mums) think if you choose a different method from them YOU'RE wrong, there was nothing wrong with how they brought up their lad-in fact he's turned out so great you wanted to have babies with him!!! ha ha

 

[Mervs Mum]

 

[thelilbump]

 

[Sarah88]

However, like the others said its not recommended to bottlefeed until 6 weeks.. Althought I tend to agree that it is not much fun for men when their bonding time is only changing diapers and bathing etc... babies learn to trust by being fed and having their needs met, which is why its one of the best bonding activities.

Sorry, I disagree. I hate when people say that when bfing the father can't bond. Justin spent heaps of time cuddling and playing with Savannah. He has an extremely good bond with her just because he chose to spend the time and find ways to bond with her when she was little.

 

[spacecadet]

OMG thats shocking to give your LO water behind your back!!
my OH's nan is always asking are we giving her water yet?

did your MIL even steralise the bottle etc?? i can just imagine her rushing around in your kitchen while you were having a shower, thats just sooo sneaky, grrrr....

i bet yr prob scared to ever leave them alone again, you may come back from the loo to find her ears pierced or something

 

[FsMummy]

i wouldve done my nut if anyone had given dd something without my knowledge! i agree that u should show ur oh stuff online that says you shouldnt express/bottlefeed before established bf. i dont know y ppl think they have to give a baby a bottle to bond with it. i want to express after we have established bf so my oh can give a bottle but thats purely to give me a break lol