University and a baby

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by FB88, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. FB88

    FB88 New Member

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    Hey,

    So I basically found out I was pregnant at Christmas (interesting present I must say!!) I've been very unsure about the pregnancy but I think thats because I can't see how I could cope.

    I'm 22, In the second year of university, with my boyfriend for 3 years (and he is AGAINST the pregnancy and potentially could leave me he it THAT unready), I live with my parents and just came out of a job.

    I am due in June which would be around the exam period (bad bad timing but i never planned this) but I will be able to recover for September. I considered maybe deferring uni for a year, getting a part time maybe full time job to pay for the baby and then going back to uni a year later when they are older.

    Do you think I can actually get through this and still achieve a decent degree level? Please consider that I live at home and potentially could be a single parent...

    I know full well that university and a baby will be very hard but other options about this pregnancy are leaving my mind and I need advice/experiences that tell me I can at least get through this and enjoy the baby as oppose to thinking of it like a burden or tell me that I'm being completely crazy and not thinking straight. :wacko:

    Thank you for anything you can offer. Much love. x
     
  2. Swanny

    Swanny Well-Known Member

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    I would look into deferring or suspending your studies, have the baby and see how you feel once the baby is here and you have settled into being a mum. I'd say it would be extremely difficult to stay on the course and like you say if baby is due in June wouldn't be best for taking exams etc. But I'd definitely see about deferring or suspending studies rather than withdrawing. Then see how you feel when the time to return to the course approaches.

    x
     
  3. ChristinaRN

    ChristinaRN Mother of 3, pg with #4

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    I would talk to your professors as I can't imagine you are the first girl to get pregnant while at the university. Usually the professors are willing to work with you about final exams....either taking them a little early or a little late if you deliver. Also, talk with your parents. If you have a really supportive family I'd say try to stick it out......education is soooo important. When I graduate from the university I was 36 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. It wasn't easy but I did it, with great grades, and now have a great career to show for it.
    As for your boyfriend....what a shame that he'd leave you for something that he is 1/2 responsible for!
     
  4. FB88

    FB88 New Member

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    I was very shocked when my boyfriend told me he couldn't be there for me. I knew he was completely unready. So was I!! But it is me who will have to deal with it clearly. I really thought he would step up and I guess there is still time, especially when I go for my first scan in 2 days!!!
    I wish I could be more excited over the pregnancy but I have more of a sensible head on at the moment trying to work out how I'm going to get through it all.
     
  5. qpaulina42

    qpaulina42 Well-Known Member

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    I have a very very dear friend who found out she was pregnant at xmas one year. She was in her 3rd year, so only one year left. Also the father of the baby was very supportive. They finished the 3rd year (they were in the same year), then both took a year off, then both came back and finished the fourth year. Frankly, they made it look easy, but I'm sure it wasn't all straight forward. They had a lot of alternating classes and found a person with a baby to take theirs for daycare in the mornings when they both had to go to class. They also tried to work a bit but I don't think they earned much. I never really asked them about money etc so I'm not sure how they managed. Anyway, my point is that it's doable, but you have to do what's right for you. Best of luck!
     
  6. charlotte_1

    charlotte_1 Member

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    hey, im 22 and a year 2 student too :) haha
    at the moment your boyfriend might just be a bit scared/freaked out and may come around to the idea.. you never know! I know it seems like a long shot but if you can reassure him of the plans it might help? I dont know
    me and my boyfriend found ourselves in the exact same situation last year (found out I was pregnant on xmas eve :O) and our plan was for him to stay in uni and for me to defer. he was dead set against it in the beginning as well. To the point where he said we couldn't be together if I had the baby. We unfortunately lost the baby at 20 weeks though. Trying again though, and I'm personally going to defer a year and get a job, but you could go back in september because the baby will be old enough for a creche/daycare.
    What do your parents think or do they not know yet? Do you think they would be supportive?

    It's definately do-able, seeing as you'll only have one year left :) you'll have the support of the university as well, theres a girl in my class with a baby and has had her timetable adjusted so she can get her baby from creche, extended deadlines etc. It will be difficult, but if you can just get the last year of uni out of the way you'll be in the same situation as any working mother, just with a degree as well :)

    I would go and speak to student services (or whatever your equivalent is) and ask them what they can do to help you if you stay for 3rd year or defer before coming back. You wont be the first student to ask them this, they'll probably be happy youre coming back! haha

    best of luck and sorry about the essay!
     
  7. MrsPOP

    MrsPOP Mummy to Alice

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    Are you in the UK? Most UK unis have a creche service for their students to help those who are parents. As for your course I bet your uni wouldnt mind deferring for a year whilst you get back on your feet and then you can go back and do your final year. Are your parents supportive of you? :hugs:
     
  8. FB88

    FB88 New Member

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    I'm so sorry to hear about that Charlotte. Well my plans so far also include the father still going to uni and his part time job whilst I look after the baby and find a part time job for a year. It seems like the best way at the moment.

    My parents don't actually know (I wanted to be sure I was keeping the baby first) but I know for a fact they'll love it. They'll be very supportive and offer all sorts of babysitting duties :D One of my sister's had a kid when she was 20 and my other sister had a kid two years ago so in terms of my family, I'll get full support. The father's family might not be though. They are very much into his education and him doing well for himself in life. So, I feel like a villain in that sense. Maybe this is why he is so against it right now?

    I'm in uni tomorrow so I will definitely go and chat to some people and see what support they can offer. :) Thanks guys, really starting to feel better about this. x x
     
  9. chippysgirl23

    chippysgirl23 Well-Known Member

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    hey girl , I think you can do it because you are thinking very clearly right now which is a bonus... in my fourth year of university i had a classmate who was in the early stages of labour and sat in class and finished the lecture, lol.... then went and had her baby... i am currently doing my masters, i work full time and i am expecting in june.... so heres my plan..... take off the summer semester, take 1 class online in september to december and my final class in january which is a practicum... dont know how it will all work but atleast have a plan... thats the first step.... if u take the year off it wont be a big deal, u can go back but make sure u are determined to do so if thats is what you want... you can do it.
     
  10. pandabub

    pandabub Well-Known Member

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    Hey honey, love the pic! :) I just wanted to say that I agree with what the pp's have said re deferring - or at least enquiring about it. I know it seems tough and overwhelming at first, but it is certainly doable.

    As for your OH - my DF and I are both 28 years old, have full time jobs (well, he's self employed!) and he still freaked out when he found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned by any means and, whilst he still admits to being scared (as I imagine most men - and women! are) he did a complete 180 and I know for a fact that he will love our baby more than anything in the world.

    The initial shock can be tough. He may simply need some time to get his head around things.

    Good luck hun. xo
     
  11. capricorn1

    capricorn1 Well-Known Member

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    I whole-heartedly agree with the other posters!!! You can totally do this, if that's what you want. It's brilliant that you will have your family's support. Is your boyfriend planning on coming to the scan with you? Perhaps he will come round once he sees your baby on the screen. He's probably in shock - esp. if his family have put a lot of pressure and expectation on him to achieve x, y, and z. Of course this is no excuse for not offering you emotional support, as you said you are carrying the baby and your life is going to change too.

    Uni's usually offer a lot of support to students who are pregnant or have children - perhaps there is a uni creche you could use once the baby arrives and you go back or financial help with childminders otherwise. Not to mention defering end of year exams until the autumn when the resits are or indeed deferring a year. I'd try and keep as many options open as possible to return to your course, it would be a shame to waste the hard-work you have already put in.

    Have a chat with people tomorrow (course co-ordinator/administrator and student services) and see what they can do for you - if you have time maybe make a list of questions to ask. I always forget to ask a bunch of things if I don't have a list :dohh:

    Best of luck hun, hope that the uni is helpful xxx
     
  12. Teacake <3

    Teacake <3 Proud mummy of 2!

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    I was 20 when I found out I was expecting my son and had moved away from home to uni in Leeds. There was no question of not keeping the baby as much as there was no question I wouldn't complete my degree! I transferred to the uni back home and moved back in with my mum, as did my now hubby :) I was due to have Wilson over the Christmas holidays in my second year, I had him 4 days before we broke up and went back to uni on a part time basis the day term started in the January. Not ideal for everyone but that's what I wanted. It wasn't easy he was in neonatal for 4 weeks and it wasn't a decision I made lightly but I wanted to finish my degree for his sake!
    It was tough juggling a baby, child care and 2nd and 3rd year of my degree but it's only as hard as anything else- if you know you want to do it then you'll find a way! I graduated in 2009 and have worked full time within the design industry since before I completed my degree and it's proof it pays off, Wilson is a lovely well rounded little man, going to nursery from 12 weeks has only benefited him and starting school 2 weeks ago wasn't a problem for him and I firmly believe that's because of his early introduction into that environment!
    I would say it's been possible for me because I have a fantastic support in my family- my husband is brilliant and supported any decision I made and didn't judge my early return to uni and my mum and step dad have done as much as they can with him- and still do now :)
    It's possible and not as scary as you think plus the reward when you graduate and have a lovely baby is worth it. Good luck xxx
     
  13. scuffer

    scuffer Mum to 3 lovely boys!

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    Hello,

    It must be very difficult for you, especially without the support of your boyfriend, but you must do what feels right for you and your baby.

    Deferring your studies might be a good idea, but it's worth going to discuss your situation with your tutors first. Most universities have very good support systems and nurseries in place so there's no reason why you couldn't continue your studies. I would really recommend talking to your tutors first as I can almost promise you that yours won't be the first situation like this they've heard and they might have some different options.

    I started my degree when my son was 2, it was the best experience and I think it was almost easier with a child as it helped to focus my mind, I treated it like a job. He went to nursery 9-5 everyday and this is when I studied. It can be done so don't give up hope, I think it's really important for your children to see what hard work and dedication can achieve.

    Best of luck with everything x
     
  14. FB88

    FB88 New Member

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    Is there any way you think that I could, not convince, but show the father that this doesn't have to be the end of our lives. That we can make this work. He is making all this so hard for me and when I love him as much as I do. He makes me feel so guilty about all this.

    I just want to enjoy the pregnancy and planning for the future and its so frustrating.
     
  15. Libra Mariah

    Libra Mariah Well-Known Member

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    I am pregnant and a full time student at a University. However I am in a little bit of a diffrent situation because I was ready for everything. After trying for so long to convceive I even took Clomid. My baby is due in July, which works out pefect for me. I will be able to finish this semester and then this summer I will have the baby. I will then get to spend about a month with the baby and I will continue my studies at the University the same as I would If I didn't have a baby. I don't know how your school is, but my school has a day care on the campus, therefore it is really conveniant to take your baby to and from day care. (However I won't be using the day care on campus because my mother and mother-in- law are both stay hat home people and they are already begging to be my personal baby sitter. LOL ) I really haven't decided whether I will take a semester off or not. However the next semester I will definately be back at school to continue on my path to earing my degree.

    I am pretty sure your OH will change his feeling about you having a baby. He is probably just scared right now. You would be surprised if you knew all the people at your university who has kids. I never thought of this until I started talking to a few of my classmates and they told me how they had a kid or kids and were single etc. Its really not something you find out about until you talk to people. I am sure you won't be the only one in this situation. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everythinhg works out for the best.
     
  16. emme

    emme Saffy's Mummy <3

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    hi hun, there is NEVER a good time to get pregnant!! something will always crop up and you will feel like you can't cope, but you've got a beautiful lil one growing inside you, and together with him/her you can achieve anything, stop stressing and speak to uni about support and services they can offer, you will probably feel a whole lot better.

    as for the bf.. he is probably very scared and confused, give him time and he will come round, if he doesn't then so be it.

    good luck xx
     
  17. miss cakes

    miss cakes Well-Known Member

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    you can definately do this having a baby dosent mean stopping your life completely granted some things can take longer but its not the end of the world it just means more in your life :D your OH will come round eventually try and get him involved by bringing him to scans and try to be understanding or at least pretend to be lol tell him your there to support him as long as hes there to support you its a two way street i bet when he goes to a scan he will melt! x
     
  18. Ashley2189

    Ashley2189 Mommy to a sweet toddler

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    Def speak to an advisor at student services, or whatever is available at your university and also speak to your professors individually. It probably wouldn't be a problem to take your exams early, though it WILL be hard work! I'm due at the end of June, and I'm in my first semester of nursing school! Everyone at orientation stressed "do NOT get pregnant while in nursing school". They basically said there's no way I'll be able to do it. well, i'm about to spit in their faces and show them that i can! my school does NOT have a waiting list, and i cannot withdraw from first semester without loosing my spot. I really got in on a technicality, and i would not be accepted if i had to reapply. so there's no choice for me.
     
  19. Eliza_V

    Eliza_V Wife and Mummy!

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    Some institutions can allow you to take your exams in the re-sit period (August-time, possibly for a small fee) with medical proof that you cannot take them at the original date. With this proof it generally means that you won't be able to only get a maximum mark of 40% as well as is the rule in some institutions - have a word with the head of your course/tutor/undergraduate office etc. (If it's your final year though it will delay your graduation until December or possibly the following year). Some institutions are very supportive or pregnant students and young mothers, once again have a word with the relevant people - some Universities even have creches/nurseries for students (turns out mine did and I had NO idea until I'd left!) Also you'd be entitled to extra financial help from SLC, and possibly even from the University.

    I met some pregnant students and young mothers at my University (by chance), and I got chatting with them. They said it was hard, but possible. Some Unis are happy for you to bring the child to lectures in some cases too! However the is the option of deferring your studies as well. You have plenty of options, even if you are single parent. Just get asking questions now and see where you stand :) xxx
     
  20. scuffer

    scuffer Mum to 3 lovely boys!

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    I'm not sure, perhaps in time he will come round to the idea but it may be a good idea to get used to the idea of going it alone and if he comes on board then that's great. It's possible that by seeing your determination to continue with the pregnancy and raising your child he will realise it's possible. He is probably terrified and coming at this from feelings of fear and hasn't actually let the reality that this is HIS child that shares HIS genes sink in yet.

    I think you sound like you are being amazingly brave and mature about the situation, I forgot to say before by the way, congratulations!
     

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