Unless your reasons for waiting are extremely significant, don't put it off!

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by LankyDoodle, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. LankyDoodle

    LankyDoodle Well-Known Member

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    If you have severe health problems, money problems or hubby is away for some reason, or any other significant reason, ignore this post.

    However, if you're putting it off because you want to be 28 when you have your first baby, or you want to live in a slightly nicer area, or you don't quite feel 'ready' (take it from someone who knows - you never will, it will ALWAYS be scary to some degree!) or any other reason that isn't really a reason that can't be gotten round easily, don't put it off. You have no idea what is round the corner and you have no idea the heartbreak it will cause if something happens next week, next month, in three months that might impede your ability to have a baby and you will wish you'd just tried when you had the chance.

    I speak as someone who knows. I had my first baby in 2010 and always wanted a second. I was 200% broody until my daughter was about 10 months old and it then started to ebb and flow. We tried for one month when she was 14 months old, but quickly decided to wait until she turns 2 next April as we had a few (pathetic, some materialistic) reasons for wanting a bigger gap. So at the beginning of October I had a new mirena coil fitted and was happy with the decision we'd made. Until October 27th.

    My husband had had some pain in one of his fingers and been seeing his GP who was treating it as an infection. He saw another GP in August who said it was more likely linked to his psoriasis, especially as he also has a bad ankle, intermittent back pain and now also the same thing happening to a toe. His appt with the rheumatologist was October 27th. He is 37 years old and was told he has psoriatic arthritis (a form of arthritis caused by his psoriasis) and will have to start a drug called methotrexate, which is a chemo drug but is used in low doses to treat joint problems like this.

    It is strongly advised against to ttc or to have a baby while either partner is on mtx (especially the woman - mtx is used as an abortion drug). The jury is out on how it affects the male's sperm, but it is thought by experts to have a similar effect on the fetus in the end, if less severe than if it's the mum that's taken it (especially as the mum takes it while carrying the baby as well). We have read and heard mixed advice - Americans tend to be more liberal about things and there are plenty of anecdotes stating that the dad was taking this drug, mum got pregnant and baby was fine. But there is a chance of birth defects, miscarriage and of poor/no fetal growth. My husband is going to be on a low dose, especially to start, so we are still int he decision stage of whether to go ahead and continue trying for a few months when he starts it (it takes a few months to get into his system anyway). We have to discuss with more drs and the specialist nurse etc. We are going to ask the GP about him getting some semen frozen for future use, and because of his situation he should get funding for this from the NHS, but there is only a 19% chance of each sample working if used at the exact right time in my cycle, and there are still then all the usual chances of miscarriage.

    So please, if you are waiting just because you're not quite sure or there are a few small things you are waiting to do, don't. You never know what's round the corner, and age has nothing to do with it - I am 28 and my husband is 37. We are both devastated about this and if I don't get pregnant before it's too late, I will forever regret the decision to wait for trivial reasons.
     
  2. Pearls18

    Pearls18 Well-Known Member

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    Oh no I am so sorry about that, I hope it doesn't cause him too much pain and that you can sort something out??

    I totally understand where you're coming from, but on the flip side occurences like this are rare and someone else said in another thread that I thought was poignant that while very fewer women regret waiting later to have a child, a lot wish they had waited a little longer for some reason or another (more so for younger mothers like myself I suppose).

    But I agree if it is nothing major such as a stable relationship and decent finances standing in your way life is too short! I wish you and your husband all the best :flower:
     
  3. sarah986

    sarah986 Well-Known Member

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    I totally agree with you. I had my first son when i had jus turned 21. It was unplanned but i wouldnt change it for the world, my son will be 4 next month. Since he turned 2 i started geting relly broody. Both of our families have really strong beliefs and wanted us to be married before we had another. We got married in May this year and i got pregnant the same month, we were both so happy. Then my husband got really sick, and was diagnosed with Chron's disease (bowel disease). the first course of treatment didnt work so at end of july they wanted to start him on a drug called inflixmab (remacade). when on this drug the patient needs to be closely monitored as there can be alot of risks associated with this drug, and it is recommended not to try for a family when on this drug. There is not alot of research done on this drug but some suggests it may cause fetal demise, deformities or miscarriage.
    We talked about this and decided as it was only a years treatment, that he should go ahead and start it now as i was already pregnant, and he would be finished treatment before we would try again.
    Then in August my world came crashing down. I had a MMC. On August 10th i had a D and C done at almost 13weeks. we were completely devastated.
    Some people may think this is an extreme situation but never in our wildest dreams did we think this wold happen to us.
    It took over 8 weeks for me to get another cycle.I told my husband i wanted to start trying straight away but he was concerned about the drug. i done loads of research and found alot of positive stories, and mostly from females. But my husband was still skeptical tho. We had sex once in October, and Start of November came and my AF didnt show. I did a test and it was negative so thought i wasnt pregnant as we only did it once. 4 days later still no show, tested and it was positive. Was in complete shock.
    I am now 6weeks 4days and so so scared, we want a baby more than anything but so afraid of loosing this one 2. I question every symptom im having and every symptom im not having. My husband is a big believer in what is meant to be will be, and thinks that this time it is meant to be, but were both scared. I pray everyday that this will be our take home baby.

    If i could turn back time i would have started trying a long time ago!!! Having children was always my biggest goal in life, and being a mother is my biggest achievement in my life!!
     
  4. QTPie

    QTPie Well-Known Member

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    I agree completely.

    Am so sorry for your situation :(

    Look into all options now, re freezing sperm and the options. I would also recommend (if you have the funds) to at least look at the private options too. Presumably 19% is IUI.... if you can have ICSI (either on the NHS or privately), your percentage may well go up to 35% or a lot higher (since neither of you have any - or any known - fertility problems). Ok ICSI (a form of IVF) is a lot more hassle and possibly cost, but it may well be worth it for the much better chances...

    Might be worth asking on the assisted conception forum on here, but would also seek professional advice too.

    QT
     
  5. LankyDoodle

    LankyDoodle Well-Known Member

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    Hi QTPie,
    Yes that's using frozen sperm through IUI. If we got to a point where we had exhausted all other options, and there was money available, we would definitely look at ICSI.
     
  6. QTPie

    QTPie Well-Known Member

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    Hopefully you won't need to - best wishes :hugs:

     
  7. I Love Lucy

    I Love Lucy DS and DD

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    OH and I wanted to spend money on a wedding but ultimately we can have a formal ceremony at any time. So we have instead decided that we want to TTC next year after we move as long as we're still financially able to. The more we have talked about it, the more we have talked about it, the more we have realized we want a baby sooner rather than later.

    Also, I'm so sorry for your husbands condition? Is it possible for you to TTC a few more months before he starts the meds?
     
  8. Quackquack99

    Quackquack99 Well-Known Member

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    To OP I'm so sorry, I hope everything works out and I agree with what you are saying. After my c section I found out I have a unicornuate uterus which could possibly mean I have only one functioning ovary. If I waited a few more years I could have easily had potential fertility problems so in my eyes both my partner and I feel like we made the right decision to conceive a baby last year
     
  9. Goldfish

    Goldfish Well-Known Member

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    LankyDoodle - sorry to hear about your husband. I agree with you about the 'not waiting' thing, because I waited for years (not for major reasons, just because we didn't feel ready) and now that I'm ready to TTC, I have to wait for health reasons :(
     
  10. toffee87

    toffee87 Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about your OH. Have you looked in to acupuncture? X
     
  11. everdreaming

    everdreaming Guest

    My ex-OH was on Methotrexate for rheumatoid arthritis and I spent a LOT of time researching this, mainly because I was terrified of an 'accident' and being forced into a termination when I don't want one etc.

    Although Methotrexate is 'advised' not to conceive, that is usually maternal exposure, not paternal exposure. If he is on a low dose (smaller than 20mg weekly) then the chances of any damage to your baby is actually pretty low.

    I am a student nurse so I have read studies and articles in professional journals about this and devoted an entire module to this project, so I can tell you it really isn't quite as bad as the Drs tell you. When I had a pregnancy 'scare' the nurse was asking me to arrange a termination, which is completely unneccessary.

    I'm currently at work so I don't have the links to my research on the computer here, I just wanted to tell you there is still a chance that his treatment, so long as it is a low dose, wont ruin your chances or mean you have to rely solely on assisted conception.

    When I get my laptop back in the next week or so I can link you up to the research if you would like to see it. There is even NHS guidance from recently that states that although it is not ideal, paternal exposure to methotrexate is not the end of your chances of natural conception. :flower:
     
  12. rubydoo1

    rubydoo1 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear about your situation LankyDoodle :hugs: I hope you are able to conceive with the frozen sprem. I have psoriasis and am always worried about psoratic arthritis, do you know if the drug your husband is on is used for quite a severe form, or is it the standard drug used to treat this? Thanks for posting, it is nice to hear that there is never going to be a time when I feel "ready" :flower:
     
  13. LankyDoodle

    LankyDoodle Well-Known Member

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    Hi,
    My husband's PSA has been caught early - it is usually the first port of call for anyone dx with PSA as it is such a successful treatment and once PSA sets in, it CAN be fairly aggressive in making its way through the joints and doing more damage. The sooner that is halted the better. However, you can refuse the treatment or ask for alternatives. Anti-tnfs can also be used but they are more expensive and usually tried after other things have failed. They also have some bad side-effects like mtx and it is again not recommended to ttc on those.

    I have read stories of some people who have controlled the pain of PSA for 30 or more years by just using NSAIDs and refusing to use mtx or biologics. These are people with mild forms of the disease, though, and you never know whether your PSA will be mild or severe until time passes and the disease progresses, so it's whether you want to wait and see and hope for the best or be careful and take the drugs. My husband will take the drugs as it will also help his skin and nails (which are terrible and very very painful - more than the joints!), but we are thinking as he only has a couple of joints affected at the moment, he may wait to start until the spring.

    As someone else said, the main worry they have is when the mother is on the drug. The worry about the father is wholly theoretical.
     
  14. rubydoo1

    rubydoo1 Well-Known Member

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    Wow thanks for the helpful reply! My psoriasis is on my nails and soles of my feet, so with it being close to those joints that is what concerned me. I have had very slight pains in one finger joint before. I really feel for your hubby I wouldnt wish psoriasis on anybody.
    Best of luck with everything! :flower: x
     
  15. LankyDoodle

    LankyDoodle Well-Known Member

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    You're welcome.

    I'd advise to get your finger joint looked at. That's where my husband's started, and he's had the psoriasis on his nails, hands, tops of feet and inside ears. He now has it in his toe and in one of his ankles. The earlier they catch it the more likely it is to stay mild and that you won't need to use mtx etc. If it progresses too much, it can cause disability on a large scale, so best to get checked even if it's very slight and nothing. And I'd advise taking some written info with you to the GP because my husband's was passed off as an infected finger for about 4 months before another GP finally referred him to a rheumatologist, saying that he thought it was actually PSA. Those 4 months could have been critical in his treatment process. So get seen ASAP if you think there may be something.
     
  16. Amalee

    Amalee Expecting #2!

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    Hi LankyDoodle - thank you for your words of caution. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's condition, and I hope you guys are successful in whatever direction you decide to go next.

    If you don't mind me asking, is this something that will effect his sperm long term, or would he have healthy sperm once the treatment is finished?
     
  17. LankyDoodle

    LankyDoodle Well-Known Member

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    Hi
    No, not long term, but they advise to have been off MTX for 3-6 months before TTC; someone with a chronic condition cannot afford to be off the drug for upto 6 months before TTC and then however long it takes to get pregnant (then if you are female, the 9 months of pregnancy on top). The 3-6 months is more likely to relate to people with diseases like cancer which will go into full remission and the drug can be stopped for good. Sperm has a 74 day regeneration period, so about 11 weeks, but it has to leave all bodily tissues before they are happy with you TTC, and drs vary in how long they think you should wait.

    It can affect fertility - sperm quality and quantity - but this, again, should return to normal.

    However, if this drug works for my husband, unless they find a miracle cure for the disease, or a better drug, he will be on it for life now. If it doesn't work, the other drugs he may have to try, come with a similar warning of not TTC.

    Like a previous poster, we have been doing lots of research, and while some drs seem to put the frighteners up us, there is no evidence of an effect on the male. It is all theoretical. Reported pregnancies where the male was on low dose mtx, have shown no defects.
     
  18. Amalee

    Amalee Expecting #2!

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    Well, that research does sound promising... I'm sure this is all really stressful to you still, but hopefully you'll be getting a definitive green light soon.
     
  19. Annie77

    Annie77 Cautiously expecting

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    I totally agree with you. I am purely waiting due to having methotrexate for an ectopic pregnancy in sept - roll on ttc in december!

    In the past I have never waited to try and get pregnant - even though I am lucky in that I am mega-fertile and know I won't have months of trying ahead of me. I am by no means rich but as long as we can pay our mortgage and fuel bills, the rest of the money will just have to found/saved whilst waiting to go on mat leave etc.

    what will be, will be
     
  20. NurseSooz

    NurseSooz Well-Known Member

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    In my job Ive seen a lot of young guys on MTX and similar drugs. I've seen many manage to conceive so don't dispair. It's generally not as bad as some other forms of chemo for messing with fertility. If you're really worried I'd chat to a fertility counseller regarding freezing some samples? Please stay positive. Big hugs and good luck! xx
     

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